A Family Malady
by A.D. Williams
Summary: The consensus is in and Noctis must unfortunately agree with it: his father may very well be a few fries short of a Happy Meal. And yet, Noctis can never be too upset with him; time is short for a Caelum, after all. Caught between his father's zany situations and preparing himself to one day be king, he can only wonder how the Lucian monarchy has lasted this long!
1. We're All Mad Here

I've been quite eager to do a story with Regis and Noctis for a long while now. Familial duos have always been prime comedy real estate for me. This story follows no single plotline and the events of the game are either intentionally altered or serve no major importance. It should also go without saying that personalities have also been altered.

But enough of the boring stuff. Sit back, relax, and hopefully you'll leave with a smile.

* * *

 **We're All Mad Here**

Despite the thousands of employees who worked within the Citadel, the library located on the seventeenth floor was usually rather silent. Many of the employees used the massive historical library located on the third floor as it was closer to their work stations; beyond the twentieth floor, the Citadel was used for living quarters. Spending all day in a library for one's job, few cared to venture into one on their time off.

And so was such a day when Noctis chose to use the room for some research assigned to him by Ignis. His advisor assured him it would be in his best interest to not delay learning the complexities of ruling a country (as if Noctis really needed to be told this) and had assigned for him the task of "discovering" the greatest achievements accomplished by his predecessors. He browsed the bookshelves for a time until he found a book that _of course_ was bound in dusty brown leather and was inscribed _Our Founding Fathers_. Good enough.

Sitting down at a table, he instantly went to the table of contents. He was just beginning to jot down the page numbers that looked to be the most helpful when he felt the floor give a shake, the sign that someone had slammed a door rather hard below him. Shaking his head, he again put pen to paper but then there was another _boom_ from below.

 _We're under attack._ Mouth going dry, he strode quickly to the door. He didn't even get to open it before something translucent flashed _through_ the solid surface, through him, and into the room. The air was warm but the suddenness of the movement chilled him. Quickly he spun to face his target.

"Noctis, hide me!" King Regis pleaded, the blue glowing of a warp fading as he solidified. The king held his cane, but seemed to be having a good day as he wasn't leaning heavily on it. However, his brow was flushed and his green eyes darted everywhere before locking back on his son. "They want me to go to a meeting!"

Oh no. No, no, no. His dad was having one of those moments, a regression both adult and childlike at the same time. Many thought his father was utterly mad. Some thought that losing his own father at a young age had unhinged him. But Noctis and a select few knew the truth: His father just had his odd occasions. It ran in the Caelum lineage. Noctis had his own quirks that only those closest to him knew about.

Regardless, Noctis didn't relish these instances and breathed a huge sigh as he ran a hand through his hair. "You have to go, Dad. Meetings are usually important."

"I hear your bullcrap and I raise you twenty," Regis replied, becoming adult again.

Noctis smiled, caught. Yeah, most meetings he'd sat in on tended to be rather humdrum. "What's this one for?"

The king literally rolled his eyes and groaned. _"Economics."_

The smile fell from Noct's face. "Dad. That's kinda important. Actually, it's _really_ important. You can't just snooze on economics. What about everyone outside Insom—"

"They're coming!" Regis warned and in another flash, he was gone. Following the ghostly trail, he saw his father wedged rather impressively between a support beam and the roof just over the table he'd been working at. The king put a finger to his lips, urging for his cooperation.

Just then, the library door burst open and a crowd of people nearly bowled Noctis over. Realizing who they'd crashed into, the leader, Clarus Amicitia, reached out and steadied the prince. "Sorry, Your Highness, didn't know you were in here. Wait, why _are_ you in here? You've finished school and I thought you hated studying."

Of course the man would know this. Noctis had complained about it enough to Ignis who would've told Gladio who would've told his father, perhaps during the time he and his Shield didn't exactly get along. He gave an agreeable nod to the man's question and said, "Ignis assigned some homework for me, to research the past kings of Lucis."

Like a tour group examining an exhibit, the crowd—which was made up of both the Council and several Kingsglaives—peered around him and saw the open tome with the paper and pen and gave their own impressive nods. He even heard one woman comment, "Why can't His Majesty be more like his son?"

Noctis said nothing.

Turning back to him with his piercing blue eyes, Clarus asked bluntly, "Have you seen your father? There's an urgent matter he needs to attend to."

The prince immediately adopted what he called his "chocobo face". His eyes went confused and uncertain and he cocked his head to the side in a perfect imitation of the bird. "No, I've not seen him…did something happen? Is everything okay?"

His father's Shield shook his head bitterly. "He was to attend a meeting nearly an hour ago but bolted the instant I came to get him! If we're unable to locate him, we'll have to get the next in command, which would be you—"

"He's up there!" Noctis instantly blurted, pointing to the roof.

"Oh, you disappointment of my loins!" Regis hissed from the rafters and was about to warp away when Clarus quickly held up his wrist and spoke into a watch.

"Jam it."

It was as though someone had turned off a light switch to Noctis' energy. He felt tired and groggy, the way he would if he'd spent the majority of the day training with his powers. Those days would leave him too weak to form even a basic Fire spell. He wobbled where he stood but Clarus caught him, even though the Shield was also feeling the effects.

"Sorry about that, we learned of a jamming mechanism for the Crystal but we didn't want to use it since it affects everyone who uses its powers." He cast a look at the Glaives and Noctis followed him to see that many had now taken seats in the surrounding library chairs, looking winded. Several had instantly fallen asleep.

"I hope none of the Glaives were practicing warp-strikes," Noctis said weakly.

Clarus paled. "Y-yeah…"

The Council, not having borrowed from the Crystal, was unaffected and began a strategy to dislodge the king from above. Someone called for a ladder and within moments, a large one had been brought and placed just below the king.

"Your Majesty, please come down and stop this foolishness," the Shield said, holding the base of the ladder.

"As king, I hereby decree no more meetings!" Regis declared frantically.

"Overruled!" the Council chorused.

"Well what the hell is the point of being king if I can't do whatever I want?!" he crossed his arms, sitting perfectly balanced on the support beam.

"To _lead_ , Your Majesty," Clarus said with pinched-shut eyes, looking very much like Ignis during his moments of exasperation with Prompto. "One does not lead by hiding." Then he froze, an idea almost literally striking him. Lifting his head slowly, he said in a trance, "A king does not lead by staying in the past. Instead he moves ever forward, always accepting the consequences."

"Not going to work," Regis shut him down, easily recognizing his own words.

A new figure bumped through the door and Noctis was a little surprised to see Gladio there. "Enough chitchat. Dad, want me to get 'em?"

"No, that's quite alright. I'm not _that_ old," Grumbled the father. Clarus began to climb the ladder and Gladio went over to hold it steady. "Let's go, Regis, you've caused enough trouble for the day," he said daringly, one of the few that would speak so frankly to the king. Not that Regis was likely to do anything to anyone else who used his name…like his son, he didn't put much stock in titles.

Still, the man tried to scramble backwards but this resulted in him nearly losing his balance. Clarus snapped forward just in time to grab his hand and pulled him roughly, resulting in the man being slung over his shoulder. Like dragging a cat down from a tree, Clarus descended the ladder with a yowling Regis. He sat the younger man on his feet and dusted him off, pulling his elaborate scarf this way and that, and smoothing out the asymmetrical cape. Having pruned the king in a way that would give Ignis a run for his money, he forcefully pointed at the door and Regis sullenly followed the Council and the recovering Glaives out the room.

Gladio was the last to leave Noctis and chose to impart some final words of wisdom: "You do anything like that and I'll knock you on your ass." His boots stomped down the hallway, following the procession.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Noctis said to the silence. However, after the commotion, he felt even less inclined to do Ignis' homework. With the apple not falling far from the tree, he closed the book and returned it, opting to spend the rest of the day playing King's Knight long distance with Luna.


	2. The Depths of a Father's Love

**The Depths of A Father's Love**

 _Sea Biscuit_ swayed gently on the Cygillian Sea, only a few miles south of the Lucian shoreline. It was a chilly morning so Noctis had bundled up with a long-sleeved white shirt worn under a reversible gray and yellow vest with a basic pair of dark jeans. He'd also taken care to put on his favorite fingerless gloves for both grip and dexterity and a simple baseball cap to fend off the inevitable afternoon sunlight. Fishing was serious business and one had to be ready.

Which was why he was shocked when his father volunteered to join him today. Too stunned by seeing his father standing in the Citadel lobby with a full deep-sea fisherman's regalia on, he'd accepted his company. His intention was to have Ignis just drive him to the Galdin Quay and let him be the only one to join as he knew his fishing bored his friends. Ignis had been putting up with his hobbies for years and knew how to handle the monotony better. Actually, he probably relished it, Caelum chaos considered.

Instead though, when his father opted to tag along, he took over as driver, informing Ignis that his services wouldn't be necessary. The profound sadness on Ignis' face when he said this would've made a puppy cry.

But Noctis would've been lying if he said he wasn't excited. His time with his father was always a fleeting thing. Except for eating dinner together two out of seven nights of the week, they rarely spoke at length and even during dinner, they were virtually strangers to each other. When his father wasn't bailing on his kingly duties, he performed them commendably, as though making up for lost time. All of it amounted to: "Go on and eat without me."

He'd find another way to remind Ignis of his value but for now, it was him and his father and the open sea and no stupid meetings or people cawing for his father's attention. In fact, they'd both made a pact to turn off their phones before getting on the royal vessel. It was a slightly moot point though; if something important came up, someone at the Citadel could phone the Galdin Quay who could pass the message to the coast guards who would deliver the information but the gesture was cathartic regardless.

Sitting on the steps at the slanted rear of the boat, Noctis fitted a spool of Spider Silk fishing line to the rod and tied a bright pink lure to the end. Just as he was about to cast out, his father came up the steps from the lower deck, carrying two thermoses of coffee. "Whoa, there, Noctis! Let me see that first."

Turning slightly, he held out the rod and instead took one of the cups, sipping lightly. His father had already added cream and lots of sugar, the real way he preferred his coffee. He was relieved he didn't have to pretend to like another cup of black coffee, the way he would with his friends.

"Is this all you have are fake lures?" Regis asked with evident disappointment, rubbing the pink fish between his fingers.

Noctis shrugged self-consciously. "The fish seem to like them."

"The fish are stuck on dumb and strung-out on stupid," his father snorted and Noctis got the sense that these words were likely passed on from a certain cantankerous mechanic. "Back in my day, we fished with live bait, none of this plastic stuff. But go on, show me what you got."

Noctis indeed had fished once with live bait…and only once. He'd been proud at the age of nine to dig up the worms on his own after a night of rainfall, marveling at how they writhed in mass in the soft dirt. That morning, an attendant drove him and Ignis to a large pond within the city that allowed for fishing. He'd gotten as far as piercing the first worm on the hook and the rancid smell made him lose his breakfast. He subsequently released all of the worms back into the wild and has opted for using plastic ever since.

But his father didn't need to know all of that.

Pulling his arm back, he swung forward and let the reel spin wildly as the line flew away until finally, out in the distance, a faint _blop_ was heard. The pink lure sank into the darkness and out of sight. As the waiting game began, he sipped in pleasure on his coffee, placing it between his knees periodically to slowly reel the line back in a bit in the hopes of enticing something to bite.

After ten minutes, the line was back with nothing on the end. He was about to throw it back out when his father stopped him. "You're never going to catch anything like that. Here, I brought grubs. Use this and the fish will flock to you."

Hidden beside the king was a Styrofoam container filled with dirt and large, white bugs that writhed in a way not much different from worms. Noctis felt his face going green; it wasn't missed by his father.

Regis put a tender hand on his shoulder and inquired with nothing but love: "Where did I go wrong with you?"

"Huh?!"

But the king had already taken the rod and was removing the pink lure. With no hesitation, he speared a grub through the middle, then stabbed another and then another. The hook was barely visible by the time he'd finished and Noctis couldn't bear to watch, keeping his eyes closed and his nose close to his coffee.

"Now _this_ is how you fish!" Regis declared and swung the line out. It went a good ten feet more than Noctis' throw. "When you see I have a bite, grab that net there and we'll scoop it in. The last few feet are when the line is the tightest so we're not going to give it any chance to get away. Put it in the cooler once you get it."

As he spoke, he gestured with a nod here or a twitch there at the net and the cooler already filled with ocean water. Noctis picked up the net, a deep hoop connected to a long pole. It looked better suited for catching butterflies. He was admittedly a little upset with his father for hi-jacking the fishing but he resigned to instead taking turns.

Regis' line was out for less than a minute before there was a hard jerk and the fishing handle began to spin wildly. Dropping his cup and ignoring as it fell into the murky depths, he quickly snatched the handle and began to reel it back. "And here we go!"

But just as soon as it began, it ended. The rod was ripped from his hands. They watched in equal parts amazement and horror as it was pulled nearly out of sight before sinking sharply. Thirty seconds later, it floated back to the top again, snapped in half. It was the best rod they had.

Noctis picked up his cup and began to stand. "Well, whatever is down there isn't to be trifled with. Come on, Dad, let's—Dad, no!"

Regis had thrown his cane, of all things, into the water. More interesting was that he warped with it, splashing below the surface.

Noctis warred with indecision. His father's knee was surely going to cause him to sink. And while the powers of the Crystal allowed them to do many amazing things, he was sure it didn't include growing a set of gills. For the first time, he shamefully considered the possibility that indeed his father wasn't all the way there.

"Damnit, Dad…" He began to peel off his vest and shirt, also kicking off his shoes. The outfit his father was wearing would likely pull him down like a rock and Noctis hurried that much more to undress.

He was just debating on whether to remove the jeans as well when his father came back up, rocketing to the sky and hovering there with the Armiger spinning around him. Seconds afterwards, he _felt_ a roar that swayed the water before a great serpent launched up, causing such a strong wave that the _Sea Biscuit_ nearly capsized. Noctis was instantly doused and he blinked through sopping hair at the scene before him.

Leviathan opened her mouth and roared again but Regis didn't flinch. Radiating self-assurance, even in his ridiculous outfit, he held up a palm of crackling lightning. "Cease your fighting, Hydraean, or I won't hesitate to strike you!" Too strong to be a normal Thunder, Noctis instantly recognized the magic as that of an Electron. He winced; he'd once used the first form of the magic too close to his friends and ended up having to revive all of them with Phoenix Down's. Even an Astral wouldn't be impervious to such power, especially surrounded by water.

Clearly, Leviathan knew this as well as her flaring fins ceased their churning of the water and fell limply beside her. Glaring for a moment, she finally said, "What _more_ do you want, human? Have we not already given you everything?"

"Give my son your blessing!" Commanded the king.

Noctis at once felt immense love and shame. His father had informed he would not be allowed to succeed him to the throne until he gathered all of the blessings from the Astrals. He'd failed getting Leviathan's in Altissia…and after all the damage caused, Accordo and Lucis were now barely allies.

But it was a task for _him_ to complete. He wouldn't let his father cheat for him. "Dad!" he called out. "I'll handle it! It's not fair if you—"

"I already gave him my blessing," Leviathan curtly informed.

"You did?!" Noctis said.

"She did?!" Regis looked to his son.

The Tidemother glared at the prince below her on the boat. "In Altissia, you sneezed. I said 'bless you'. I gave you my blessing. Now leave me be."

"But wait! That…that couldn't be all! I fought you for so long! Why didn't you just let me know you'd given it to me?"

She snorted and a spray of water hit the regal pair. "You wouldn't let me! You attacked me repeatedly so I had no choice but to defend myself. Clearly you wanted to show off to that _girl_ , so I decided to entertain you."

Noctis flushed; he'd definitely been trying to impress Luna.

"If you humans are done now, I have somewhere to be. My husband calls." She drew herself up, readying to dive deep into the water.

"Husband?" both the king and prince questioned together.

She didn't need to answer. Another large swath of ocean began to foam and up rose another dragon, but this one bore red scales…and sparkled. The legendary shiny red Gyarados!

At seeing her husband, she turned the fish equivalent of her "resting bitch face" to him, causing the dragon to flinch back. "Gya…Gyarados?" he asked meekly.

Leviathan roared and he quickly slipped back under the water. "Dinner will be whatever the hell your lazy ass catches! If you wanted a woman that brought you your meals, you should've stayed with your enabling mother!" She followed him under the waves, her chiding being transmitted back in the form of more bubbles until at last they faded.

King Regis slowly drifted back to the deck of the boat and without a word, he packed up their items. Noctis dressed again in his wet clothes and quietly, they steered the ship back to shore. It would be a very long time before either fished again.

* * *

The alternative to this chapter would've had Leviathan as a tsundere, fighting against her cold nature to win the affections of Gyarados-senpai.


	3. A Talk With Noct

Let us head to the past, shall we...

* * *

 **A Talk With Noct**

"Hey, Noct! Let's hit up the arcade. I heard the newest Final Fantasy just came in!" Prompto encouraged as they walked out the school doors. While many of the other students were subdued that afternoon with the reveal of the newest report cards, Prompto was certainly not one of them. Not that he'd made excellent grades—they were rather mediocre, in fact—but because he didn't have parents at home to show them to. His folks were abroad and only cared that he was still breathing, hadn't burned down the house, and at the very least were passing his classes. As he was currently able to check off on each of those, he had nothing to fear.

Noctis couldn't say the same thing.

The prince looked down at his report card for the twentieth time, yet again wincing. "Sorry, Prom. I'm gonna have to pass this time. I need to speak to my dad."

"Oooh. Yikes." Noctis lived on his own. If he needed to speak with his father, it was serious. "Well alright then. See you…?"

"Probably not until Monday," Noctis replied glumly.

"Double yikes. Okay then…till Monday…" He waved a hand that easily carried all his concerns for his friend and set off for his house.

Already at the front gate with the car door open and waiting was Ignis. Noctis slid into the backseat, slunk down with his knees drawn up, and pretended to bury his face in his phone.

"…Noct?" Ignis asked once he'd returned to the front seat. His voice already held a note of suspicion. "Care to divulge as to what's the matter?"

 _No, Ignis, I don't, thank you very much,_ he would've loved to say. What came out was, "My report card." Might as well tell the truth. Ignis would wheedle it out of him one way or another. His advisor was good like that, the perfect therapist that could make you spill your innermost secrets before you were able to catch yourself. Even when he tried to answer vaguely, all it took was a look, a raised eyebrow, and Noctis would know that he was just prolonging the inevitable.

To his answer, Ignis responded, "Oh dear…what's the damage?"

"D minus in Calculus…and an F in Literature."

Ignis grew very quiet for a long moment. When he at last spoke, he imparted, "To use the language of your peers, I do believe you're quite fucked."

"That's not even the worst of it."

"There's more?!"

"The Literature teacher wants a parent-teacher conference."

"Oh no…"

"And it _has_ to be dad. Unless…you want to adopt me in the next twenty-four hours to become my legal guardian?" Beautiful thing about being on this side of bureaucracy was that he could see to it that things moved along much faster than normal. It wasn't a stretch that Ignis very well could be his legal guardian in less than a day.

Except Ignis replied "I'd sooner eat Cup Noodle for the rest of my life than become your guardian!"

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

"It means no. We're going to the Citadel and your father will handle this."

Noctis was starting to regret not taking Prompto up on his offer to go gaming. He feared that by the end of the weekend, he'd no longer be a bachelor with an elegant penthouse. He'd be like any other student, living at home with his family. Citadel or not, it would feel like a prison.

~.~.~

"Clarus?"

"Yes, Your Majesty?" His Shield, who doubled as a close confidant, watched from a bedside chair as the king primped himself for the meeting in the adjacent bathroom.

"From one widowed father to another, if Gladiolus or Iris came home with such grades, what would you do?" Regis picked up a tiny pair of scissors and began to snip away at nose hairs.

Clarus looked away and offered "Lock them in a dungeon and throw away the key?"

"Now that's an idea!"

"Regis. I was joking."

"Oh. Well then…what _would_ you do? Seriously?"

Older by only five years but feeling as though it were much more, Clarus let out a breath and rubbed his forehead. "I'd want to know why they're scoring so low, for one. I'd talk to them, ask them what's bothering them. Few kids make bad grades for the joy of it; usually something's diverting their concentration. It helps to figure out what it is."

Regis had frozen, staring at him by the reflection of the mirror. "Talk to him? Talk…to Noctis?"

Clarus blinked. "Well, yes. You _are_ his father. Talk to him."

The king sat the scissors down and began to pull on his tie. "Y-yes, I'm his father!" he said, as though he needed to convince himself of this. "I'll just…talk to him."

Nevermind that he hadn't had a heart to heart with Noctis in for-never. But there was, of course, a first for everything.

~.~.~

"Mr. Caelum—may I call you Mr. Caelum? Mr. Caelum, your son hasn't read _any_ of the assigned work for the class this semester," Mr. Simmons, the Literature teacher, informed. "At this point, I'll even take knowledge parsed from cliffnotes if it'll help. This class is part of his core curriculum. If he fails, I'm afraid he'll have to attend summer school…or repeat the year."

"I understand. I'll fire his tutors right away."

"What? No! Just…he was doing well up until a few weeks ago. Can you think of anything that might've caused this shift?"

Regis stared at him blankly. "I haven't the faintest idea." Noctis wasn't there for him to ask as the teacher had wanted to see him alone.

The Literature teacher gave a quiet and yet very audible grunt. "Not a thing, Mr. Caelum? Maybe…and I'm just speculating here, but didn't you sign the controversial peace treaty with Niflheim not too long ago? Something so polarizing, don't you think that could've affected your son?"

Regis smiled warmly and waved a dismissive hand. "Noctis has been thrown from a car by a daemon and bounced back like it was nothing. Some schoolyard gossip wouldn't make him fail like this."

The teacher paled. "I actually remember when that news broke to the capital. I happened to have a friend who worked in your son's elementary school who informed me that he coped by creating a fictional creature he called 'Carbuncle'. I feel Noctis might be under more stress than you think. Would you at least talk to him? Please?"

There it went again. Regis gulped, rubbing sweaty palms on his knees. "I'll try."

~.~.~

"So your teacher seems to think you're holding on to some sort of repressed childhood trauma that's affecting your grades," Regis announced at dinner that evening.

Noctis nearly choked on his Leiden baked potato. "What gave him _that_ idea?"

Regis shrugged, keeping his head bowed as he cut into his garula shank. "Don't know. Something about a Carbuncle?"

"Never heard of it." Noctis kept a steady hand as he dalloped on sour cream.

"Well, either way, I'm going to be tutoring you personally until those grades come up so you'll be staying here. Ignis will care for the apartment in your absence."

"Oh my god, you're ruining my life!" Noctis exploded, throwing down his utensils. He snatched his napkin off and tossed it away. Taking a page from his father, he performed a warp-strike out of the room by throwing the blade at the ceiling, disappearing a second afterwards.

"Do you wish for me to go get him, Sire?" asked Ignis, always close at hand.

"No, it's fine. I'll…" He took a deep breath. "I'll talk with him."

~.~.~

"Noctis? Can I come in? Even if you say no, I'll just warp-strike inside so you might as well open it."

The lock clicked and Regis pushed open the door just as Noctis was returning back to his bed. He'd changed from his prestigious school uniform to skull and cross-bones pajamas, even covering his feet in black socks dotted in a similar pattern. Regis wasn't sure which of his predecessors had stolen the significance of black as a royal color but he was sure that wasn't why Noctis had dressed this way. Actually, he was certain that wasn't why his son ever wore the color, unlike himself. Maybe he should ask him why.

But not now.

"I wanted to apologize," the king spoke, shutting the door behind him. He walked over to the bed where Noctis had sat himself. His son had given him the courtesy of remaining up-right, sitting cross-legged. "Maybe my decision was a little harsh."

Noctis smacked his teeth, something his son knew irritated him. He refused to let the boy get the upper hand. "How about this: we'll go on a week by week basis. This week, you'll live here. At the end of the week, you bring me your graded papers. _All_ of your papers; I'll call the school to check. If they're satisfactory, the week afterwards, you may live back at the apartment. If you score anything below a B—yes, a B!—you return to living here for that week. Is that a deal?"

"C's. No lower than a C. I've never made higher than that in Literature." Noctis countered.

That was news. "Well, you will now, mister!"

But his son was shaking his head and…laughing? Yes, those trembling shoulders were definitely from laughter. "Dad, I have three months left of school. I'm not going to college so this is it. I've spent the better part of my life making C's. That's not going to stop just because you _want_ it to."

It was here that Regis felt the first of what would slowly become many more uncomfortable pangs. He instantly recognized what it was: Noctis was wresting away from him, pulling bit by bit from his control.

His son was becoming an adult.

He considered his options and realized Noctis was right. And yet…

"Noctis, would you be satisfied ruling this country knowing you only gave your education the bare minimum?"

This stunned the teen. The guilt etched its way from his cheeks to his ears and he ducked his head. "I guess not."

The king slid back to where he was pressed to the headboard, now sitting directly next to his son. He put an arm around him, ignoring when he felt the flinch. His arm wasn't removed. "Sometimes we're not motivated enough to do our best just for ourselves. Sometimes the encouragement we need to excel comes from the desire to please others. The man who barely even tries earns little respect from his peers but the one who tries, even if he fails, will still be awarded their appreciation. Do you understand what I'm saying, Noctis?"

Noctis had shrunk in on himself, no longer such an adult. He was back to being a boy and Regis checked the smile that wanted to spread across his face. "Yeah…I think I get it."

The king nodded solemnly. "Good. I was once a prince, too, you know, plagued by thoughts of 'why bother?' It took my father's death and the first time I sat in that throne room without him to realize just how much I didn't know."

By now, Noctis was so still, Regis wondered if he was breathing. This conversation had taken a darker turn than he'd intended. Maybe now would be a good time to inform him that Ignis had made his favorite dessert to cheer him up.

But instead, Noctis quietly asked, "What was he like? Grandpa?" The word sounded stiff from disuse.

"I'm glad you asked! Let me tell you about your no good, scoundrel of a grandfather, King Mors..."

And so the evening was passed by reliving stories from the past.

~.~.~

"Noctis, I hereby absolve you from needing to study Calculus. If your teacher questions why, inform them that it's an order from the King and this _has_ to be cruel and unusual punishment. There's no way a student could possibly need all of this!"

It was the next morning and the two were attempting to tackle the weekend homework Noctis had been assigned. At the bafflement on his father's face, mirth flashed through his blue eyes. "Oh? What was all of that about not doing things halfway? Do I hear a quitter? You know, Gladio told me—"

"'Winners never quit, and quitters never win'", Regis growled, now being the one to click his tongue. "I get more than enough of that from Clarus."

Honestly, Noctis hated the line as well. He'd last heard it after initially giving up on the labyrinth of Pitioss Ruins, in which, inexplicably, he was the only one that was allowed entrance. Easy for Gladio to give little quips like that; he wasn't the one doing it! That first attempt lasted two hours and the full run cost him a week. Every step was a death trap and a single mistake could've landed him at death's door…with no one to revive him. Sometimes he still had nightmares of being back there.

He shook his head. That wasn't important. Or…was it? He'd used calculations to judge distances for jumping platforms in the dark, timing necessary falls from moving objects, and inching along hazardous ledges. Rudimentary math, for sure, and most of it was guess work, but math nonetheless. He couldn't give up now.

That weekend was one of grueling studying. At times, Ignis would stop in to quiz him in Literature and give him a biscuit (a Tenebraen biscuit, of which Noctis had long ago given up trying to get his advisor to call them _cookies_ ) if he answered a question correctly. When Monday dawned, Noctis had never been more eager to go back to school.

His grades increased exponentially and he became the top performer in the two classes. The teachers hailed him as a late-blooming prodigy and word quickly spread about the new wunderkind taking the school by storm.

…Is what Regis would've liked to have seen. Instead, Noctis came home at the end of the week with an F in Calculus and…an A in Literature. The king laughed until he cried before sending his son back to his apartment.

Sometimes you just have to know when to concede defeat.


	4. Check, Please?

We continue on with keeping in the past, but I wanted to inform that I might have a longer delay before I post again. I'm actually in the midst of writing two multi-chapter story arcs to put here but I dropped both of those for a moment to pen this one. I do hope you enjoy :)

* * *

 **Check, Please?**

"Welcome to the Choco Burger, home of the Choco Burger, can I take your order?"

Noctis had held the job now for a little over a month and felt he was finally getting the hang of things. He was inspired to get a job after Prompto revealed he'd had one for the last few months and it showed; his friend had begun to amass an impressive collection of games and consoles, physical copies of music (yes, he was one of the ones trying to bring vinyl back), a smattering of high-end cameras—though the discounts he received at the electronics store he worked at certainly didn't hurt—and had just revealed a new computer that had to be light-years ahead of the general variety.

Sure, Noctis already had most of that, but it'd been given to him. It made him feel lazy and undeserving. Actually, no it didn't, but that's what he said in the job interview and sure enough, it worked.

His hope had really been to join Prompto at his job, but there weren't any spots available. He'd put in applications everywhere he could think of but he quickly found out that while being the prince led to getting anything he wanted _physically_ , it didn't transfer to the financial world. Who wanted to hire a spoiled "brat" who wouldn't be around in two years anyways?

It had been the Choco Burger who finally called him back, the only job to ask him to come in for an interview. The restaurant had been dead last on his list of acceptances if any of the others had offered him a position. Life has a cruel way of being funny.

As Noctis stood near the cash register at his window, the customer responded to his inquiry. "Yes, I'd like two double Choco Burgers, hold the choco, whatever the hell that is, and um…do you guys sell lemonade?"

The hell? "So you want two veggie burgers with a lemonade? Small, medium or large?"

"No, I said hold the choco. I don't want that. Just give me two double burgers and a lemonade. Actually, make that a sweet tea."

Oh dear Six, help him. "Sir, the choco _is_ the meat. It's chocobo."

"I don't eat that."

Noctis began to slam his head on the register.

"Hey, are you okay in there?"

"I'm fine, sir, I'm just trying to get rid of a headache. So, are you wanting a chocobo sandwich or not?"

"I want two."

"Two chocobo sandwiches, sir?"

"Yes. Hold the chocobo."

"AAAGGHHHH!" Noctis screamed, forgetting again to mute the mic.

"Wow, you need to work on your attitude!" The customer berated. "Look, I'm getting two Choco _Burgers_. I want beef on them. It's not a burger if it's a bird. Don't you sell that?"

"No, _sir,_ we do not! We sell Chocobo Burgers! We do NOT sell beef! We do NOT sell behemoth! We do not sell sabertusk or _whatever_ else you're looking for! We. Sell. CHOCOBO! Now do you want the damn sandwich or not?" he added in a deadly whisper.

"I want two."

"And with a sweet tea?" Noctis preempted.

"I want a lemonade again."

Noctis' eye twitched. "So two Choco Burgers, _yes, that's with chocobo on it_ , and a lemonade. Is that correct?"

"Do you guys sell popcorn shrimp?"

"Do you _see_ popcorn shrimp on the menu?!"

"…No, I guess not. Alright, that's all then."

"650 Gil is your total, drive around to the first window."

"Actually, I think I'm gonna come in."

"No, don't—!"

But he could already hear the car leaving the drivethru. If there was one thing that was worse than a difficult customer at the window, it was one inside. He turned to his terrified co-workers and instructed, "Don't make anything just yet. We have a flip-flopper."

The front door opened and in breezed King Regis. All the blood drained out of Noctis.

"Noctis! I didn't know you worked here! Who's that snarky fellow I was speaking with at the window? I'd like to have a word with him," Regis said, though he looked rather unconcerned, staring around the restaurant in fascination. It likely was the first time he'd been in one.

"He just left for the day," Noctis said weakly. The front counter customers weren't his responsibility but he wanted to handle his father himself; he was probably the only one that would know how. "Dad, who drove you here?" he suddenly asked.

The king looked at him curiously. "Why, I drove myself. Why wouldn't I?" The Insomnian accent his father had been putting on back at the window was now gone, the slight Tenebraen lilt coming back, a memento from studying abroad.

To his answer though, Noctis leveled him with a stare. "Why wouldn't you? You _do_ remember your license is suspended, right? It's been suspended since I was born. You _lost_ the right to drive the night I was born! The car was a wreck when you got to the hospital; both Cor and Cid told me."

"I don't remember that," Regis defied.

Noctis shook his head. _Just let it go_. "Well, my shift is almost over. Let me grab us something to eat and I'll drive you home. Do you still want those two double Choco Burgers and the lemonade?"

"How'd you know!"

"Ah…the last guy told me," Noctis mumbled. He gave the nod to his co-workers who tentatively set about fixing the food, throwing glances between the father and son.

"Sooo…?" Regis began, a smile creeping in. "How long have you worked here?"

"A little over a month," Noctis answered proudly.

"I'm impressed! You know, though I've never eaten at one, I've always liked the business model of Choco Burger."

Noctis folded his arms and leaned back against the window register. "Really, Dad? Never would've guessed a place like this would be a blip on your radar."

"It takes people from all walks of life to bring communities together, Noct," his father lectured, becoming the King. "But so impressed was I that I decided to become a franchise owner."

That cold feeling began to steal itself through the teen's veins again. "O-oh? And…where do you own your stores?"

Regis held up a hand and counted off. "About five in Accordo. A couple in Tenebrae that I have Ravus manage in my absence. And then there's this one, of course."

"So you mean to tell me…?"

"That I'm your boss, yes."

The money Noctis earned came from the money his father made from the work of people like him. Suddenly, his job felt less like a step towards independence and more like a glorified allowance.

"Here you are, Your Majesty," a female co-worker said, placing the bag of burgers cautiously on the counter and backing away. Another worker slid a large lemonade toward him. "The large is on the house," the guy said.

 _Not that it matters, he owns the damn place,_ Noctis wanted to correct him. Owner or not though, he still had to collect at least something for the register. "650 Gil for the two burgers and I billed the lemonade as a medium."

Regis grabbed the bag of food and unwrapped one of the sandwiches. "Heeey…"

 _No way. You. Have got. To be kidding me._

"Does this have chocobo on it?"

Noctis covered his face in his hands. When he removed them, he realized his co-workers were staring at him in disbelief. He used every ounce of will left to compose himself. "Yes, Dad. Choco Burgers have chocobo on them."

"Oh. Well then I'm not hungry anymore." He dropped the open sandwich back in the bag and abandoned it on the counter. "Come on, Noct, let's go home."

Noctis paid the 650 to the register—to his father—and grabbed the food with a crushed soul. The next day, he quit the Choco Burger.

* * *

I've wanted to write Noctis working fast food since the instant I laid eyes on that Choco-Mog outfit. Yes, that dorky outfit is essentially his uniform here.


	5. Get Ready for the Next Battle!

There's a very good chance some of you reading that title already know where this chapter is going :)

* * *

 **Get Ready for the Next Battle!**

Upon coming of age, Noctis' training with Gladio had slowed down. Shortly before his twentieth birthday, he'd finally bested his Shield in a fight, and the man had congratulated him on his "graduation". Now, they only met for sparring sessions twice a month.

He knew something was up when he was summoned for now the third time this month. Had his Shield learned something new? Would he challenge him to a rematch? There was the week Gladio had vanished to take on Gilgamesh but that'd been for personal growth. While he was happy his Shield wasn't becoming complacent, he worried about the high boundaries he was setting for himself.

Opening the doors to the training hall, the area that was normally bustling with activity from the Glaives was always silent and nearly empty when it came time for his lessons. As always, Gladio stood shirtless in the middle of the room, his great sword over a shoulder and tapping it behind him with a single hand. His back was to the door so Noctis was able to stare openly at the massive tattoo of an eagle that covered him.

One day he'd convince his father to let him get some ink.

His attention though was suddenly snatched by another movement against one of the walls. A man in his mid-twenties that he'd never seen before was examining the range of weapons to practice with. He seemed to sense he was being watched and walked away from the weapons without selecting anything. As he came towards Noctis, the prince began to focus on as many details as possible.

The man was slightly taller and broader than himself, but didn't beat Gladio in either department. He had a congenially handsome face with light blue eyes though the left one sported a faint scar down it (what was it with scars on the left eye?!). A head of light brown hair was parted in sections that were eternally wind-swept back into points though an interesting gray streak followed along parts of the left side of the hair, just enough to be noticeable without taking the spotlight.

But above all else, the most prominent feature was the man's outfit. He wore a suit of gold, silver and black armor that reminded him of Loqi from the Niflheim army. The assured stride was accompanied by a pair of sweeping red capes dangling from his left shoulder, making him look every bit like a general from their army.

Assessment conclusion? Kick ass now, ask questions later. Noctis struck.

Except the man had quicker reflexes. He vanished and the next thing Noctis knew, the soldier had flipped and kneed him twice with so much force, it propelled the both of them into the air. It was all too quick for Noctis to react and he gasped in pain as he slammed back to the ground, breathless.

Landing nimbly, the guy gave a cliché dusting of his hands. "This one has guts to charge me like that," he said to Gladio in an accent that was both European and Asian at once. He knelt down and held out a hand. "But for all that, he's not the brightest one, ja?"

Noctis slapped the hand away and stood up on his own. Stepping back, he looked to his Shield in betrayal. "You brought a Nif in here?! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nif? I don't know that word…Nif," said the stranger, tilting his head in a close approximation of a puppy.

But Noctis wasn't convinced and continued to stare at Gladiolus until the man shook his head in aggravation. "Nah, he ain't a Nif. Why don't you introduce yourself?"

Snapping to military attention, the man stood straight and gave a salute. "My name is Lars Alexandersson, Commander of the Special Ops division of the Tekken Forces, a private military belonging to the Mishima Zaibatsu."

Noctis blinked. "Okay. But why are you _here_?"

"I brought him!" Said a new voice.

The prince groaned. His father. Naturally.

Striding in with all the vigor of his youth, King Regis swept up to the Commander and laid a hand on his shoulder with radiating pride. "I saw this guy on TV in a Tekken Forces recruitment commercial and knew I wanted him to train you, Noctis! Tell me, your father picked good, didn't he?"

But Noctis only glared irritably at his dad. "You can't just bring in random strangers from off the street, Dad!"

"You make me sound like a stray…" Lars said hotly.

Noctis ignored him. "You brought someone from another army to train me? Did you know he was Special Ops?"

Regis shrugged. "I knew he was good. Isn't that all that matters?"

"NO!"

"Gotta go with the prince on this one, Your Majesty," Gladio spoke up. "I mean, this Zaibatsu is kind of…" He glanced at Lars, who narrowed steel eyes at him, daring him to finish. "…Kind of rough," he put it delicately.

"Exactly why I want them on our side," Regis said, becoming serious. "Maybe they can help…" Though he didn't finish, the words hung in the air. Maybe this Tekken Force could help them defeat Niflheim.

Noctis had been tapping on his phone, doing a quick search. "Dad? It says here that the Zaibatsu destroyed an entire tower belonging to a rival company called G Corporation."

Lars sighed. "That was my father. Sorry about that."

"…And then G Corporation fired down a space satellite belonging to the Zaibatsu?" Noctis raised an eyebrow.

Lars shuffled on his feet. "That was my older half-brother. My family is…complicated."

"You don't say."

"Your Highness, if I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead by now," Lars finally spat, causing Gladio to take a threatening step forward. "Your interrogation offends me."

"I don't care! We don't know a damn thing about you!" Noctis shrilled, but then caught himself. Ugh, who's voice was this? He sounded like one of his mother hen attendants. Like Ignis when he's gone too long without an Ebony.

Regis slowly raised a hand, quietly interjecting, "Noctis. I've actually done my homework. Have more faith in your father." He didn't add that this homework was only conducted _after_ the soldier was in the Citadel. To Lars he said, "You've been in the Tekken Force for two years and led a coup to take over your father's Zaibatsu, which your nephew and boss now controls. You have two older half-brothers, the eldest who is half-Devil, the other who was adopted. Your mother is from Sweden, though you were mainly raised in Japan. Oh, and your nephew is additionally part Devil. That sound about right?

Lars flushed, keeping his eyes on his feet. "That covers the tip of the iceberg."

"AND YOU LET THIS GUY IN?!" Both Gladio and Noctis raged.

"The sins of the father are not the sins of the son," Regis sagely imparted.

Gladio grunted. "More like the sins of the entire family. Alright, so let's forget about the mutt's past—"

"Didn't need to go there," Lars said sensitively.

"—And let's get down to the nitty-gritty. So he's here to train Noct. For how long? And why would he just agree to that?"

"Because you don't say no when a king asks you to train his son?" Lars shot at him

Gladio opened his mouth but then his expression lost the combative comeback. "You've got me."

Noctis worked the rest of the day with Lars, focusing only on physical attacks with his body rather than with his weapons. Gladio had only ever given him a general run-down of some self-defense moves without weapons but the Crystal's powers were so intimately linked with him, there was no feasible situation where he _wouldn't_ have access to them. But Lars reminded him "A blade used too often will become dull", referring not to the swords but to his powers.

By the end of the first day, Noctis was able to relatively replicate the mid-air flip-juggle Lars had subdued him with earlier, along with a few combos that could be started with his fists and only then end with a weapon. He felt rather accomplished when he stepped out of the locker room shower afterwards, smiling as he dried his hair. His happiness evaporated though as he saw Gladio leaning against one of the lockers, arms folded.

"I guess you enjoyed today," he stated.

Noctis picked his words carefully. "I suppose. It was alright."

"You're smiling, Noct. You never smile after finishing training with me." Here, he turned to face the prince directly and the feelings of betrayal were all too evident. "You don't…you can't…look, don't go gettin' attached to that pretty boy! Until the day I die, _I'm_ your Shield. Don't forget that."

When he pushed off the wall to leave, Noctis allowed his barely contained smile to cross his face. It was nice to be cared for.

* * *

For visual reference, the attack from Lars is called Lightning Screw; upon Noctis' introduction into Tekken 7, he too can do a near-identical replication of this attack. The copying is what inspired this chapter (and two more...) for Lars to become Noctis' trainer. For non-Tekken fans, I do hope you can still enjoy these chapters but if not, the FFXV-only content will resume in chapter eight :)


	6. Sanctuary of Passions

Part two of Lars and crew!

* * *

 **Sanctuary of Passions**

"Hey, Lars? N-not so rough, okay? Just…be gentle. I know this is your first time, so it's okay to go slow."

Lars locked electric blue eyes with the prince, making him flush and look away from his penetrating gaze. "Actually, it's not. What made you think this is my first time?"

"It's just…you seem nervous."

" _I'm_ nervous? You're trembling like a leaf! But you've clearly done this before. And since you're much more experienced, why don't you teach _me_?" He placed a hand over one of Noct's, bringing it closer.

The prince gasped and pulled his hand back. "L-Lars!"

"YOUR DOUBLE ENTENDRES AREN'T WELCOME HERE!" Yelled Prompto from right next to them.

Two faces went up in flame. "It's not like that!" Noctis snapped.

" _My apologies,"_ said Lars humbly in Japanese.

"You're not helping!" Noctis rounded on him, then turned back to his best friend. "The guy clearly doesn't fish much and I don't want him losing too many lures! It's called being helpful!"

"And I say," Ignis interrupted them, coming down the slippery rocks with a bottle of sunscreen in hand, "That Mr. Alexandersson is a grown man quite capable of handling things himself. Am I right?" The chamberlain tilted a chin at their company.

Lars didn't look at Ignis, which caused the other's glasses to flash. "Quite. I have gone fishing with my family once before. What compelled my father to take all three of his sons, especially I who didn't even live with them, on a trip, I will never know. But the day ended with my second brother, Lee, catching a bigger fish than my older brother Kazuya, which caused him to go Devil and try to kill Lee." He smiled faintly. "Just an average day for us Mishima's."

"Um…right…" said the Lucians.

They'd been out fishing most of the morning at Cape Caem, Noctis having announced suddenly the day prior that he had a taste for seafood. As Lars had stuck mainly to the Citadel in the two weeks he'd been in the country, the prince opted to show him around via a road trip. They'd pulled into the hideaway late at night and had crashed quickly from exhaustion. The next morning, they rose early to work on the catch of the day. A pail beside them already boasted a few of their rewards.

For a while, things fell silent but Lars repeatedly kept looking off to the distance and making little "Ahem" noises.

Having enough, Gladio addressed him. "You got something to say then spit it out."

"I'm just curious as to why we don't just eat _that_ for breakfast," Lars pointed an accusing finger at the rock shelf high above them.

Scuttling on the cliff above was a massive lobster boasting a beautiful rainbow tail and a set of colorful claws. Periodically it'd peer down at them, snapping its pinchers.

To answer his question, Gladio responded with his own grunt. "Because. You don't wanna fuck with that."

"You scared?" Lars challenged.

" _No._ It's an endangered species, dumbass."

"…Oh. _My apologies."_

Scared the day would be ruined before it barely began, Prompto suggested, "Let's go up to the top of the lighthouse! The view from there is always gorgeous, especially on a clear day like this. Come on, it's our destiny to be seaside supermodels!"

Surprisingly, Ignis announced, "I believe I agree with Prompto. We can't have a trip to Cape Caem without having a panorama of the land at least once." He pocketed the lotion and began to follow the blonde.

"Noct? You comin'?" Gladio asked, causing the other two to pause.

The prince looked at his friends, and then looked at Lars…who was also his friend. The soldier said nothing, though Noctis didn't miss the tightening of his jaw. To choose between his old friends or his new…he'd rather finally be circumcised by the Karlabos on the cliff. "I think I'm gonna stay here. I can go up to the lighthouse some other time. Right now is the perfect time for fishing."

The look of betrayal was dark enough to blight the sun. Prompto spoke first, his fringe hiding his eyes. "Alright, Noct. It's cool, we get it. Sorry for trying to pull you away…" he turned around and began to climb the slope.

Just as they left, a hard tug came on Lars' line but he calmly began to reel it in. "I think your friends are jealous of me."

As though his legs gave way, Noctis sat down, sharp rocks digging into his ass. "I don't know why! I hang out with them all the time! Except for Prompto, they practically live with me! They're acting like possessive girlfriends except none of them are hot."

" _I don't know, I'd give the one with glasses a try if he wasn't such a pompous asshole."_

"English, Lars."

"Nothing." The fish was reeled in and he showed it to Noctis. "This one any good?"

"No, it's just a lame Magikarp. Throw it back in where it can live out the rest of its pathetic life."

"Savage." But the fish was gently taken off the hook and chucked back in, its unique, shiny scales being missed. "Don't we have enough for breakfast already? I'm eager to eat and then we can train, ja?"

Noctis looked up at him curiously. "I've never quite understood that. Are you asking me or are you telling me?"

"Oh, I'm telling. We Swedes just try to be nice about it." Grabbing the pail of fish, Lars began to head back to the house and Noctis followed in compelled silence.

~.~.~

"Stop, stop, STOP! What is _wrong_ with you? Have I not taught you anything?"

Noctis paused in midair, floating with the Armiger around him. "What the hell did I do?"

Lars looked as though he wanted nothing more than to rip him from the sky. "Is that all you have are those swords? Without them and without your warp-strikes, what kind of fighter are you? A weak one! You're going to give me indigestion with your spamming! Now are you going to fight me like a warrior or not?!"

Noctis drifted back to the ground, dismissing the royal arms. "I think you're just mad 'cause it works."

The prince wasn't expecting to be snatched up by the front of his shirt and in more fear of the expensive cloth being torn than for his own life, he didn't fight back. "Is this how you want your people to see you? A one trick pony with nothing else to offer? Your kingdom has gone _soft_ with its reliance on the Crystal! You thought that was all you would ever want or need and that's why Niflheim has you on your knees, building its technology to take your one and _only_ defense away from you. I can't believe Lucis doesn't even have so much as an airport! I had to _row_ here! A week under the blistering sun from Altissia to—"

"My dad carried you over in _Sea Biscuit_ , you can cut the theatrics now."

Lars let him go and cleared his throat. "A-anyways! The point is, I want you to be capable of handling yourself in any fighting situation. Should Niflheim get their hands on the Crystal—"

"They won't."

"— _Should_ they, it's better to be safe than sorry. Now, come at me again. And this time without your revolving cutlery, please."

When at last the two had finished an hour later, they laid down in the shade of a tree at an angle that still allowed a view of the ocean. The Karlabos had also decided to take an afternoon nap, curling down on its ledge with the rainbow tail wrapped around itself.

"That session was better, much better." Lars praised. "As a reward, I'd like to show you something." He suddenly pulled a photo out from somewhere within his armor and handed it over. It was a picture showing himself amongst a group of people. "That's part of my family."

The picture was taken in what looked like a research facility. In the photo, Lars sported normal clothes, a pair of deep blue jeans worn with a white dress shirt and a dark gray sweater on top. He stood beside a man with peaked black hair that looked nearly the same age as him. "Is this your brother?" Noctis asked, pointing.

"My nephew, Jin."

Noctis stared again, harder this time. "…Why does he look like he's the same age?"

"Because he nearly is. My brothers are more than ten years older than me." Lars gave a deep shudder. "My father sired me when he was _fifty_. I don't even want to know what my mother was thinking when she—" He shook his head hard, willing the idea to leave him.

Noctis had an idea of what his mother was likely thinking when she chose to bear the child of a prominent business figure with the agreement of the father not even having to raise his own son, but he kept that opinion to himself. To change the subject, Noctis pointed to someone else. "And this guy with the white hair? Is it dyed? He doesn't look old." Neither was his own father, but the Crystal had ensured to rob the king of his youth early.

But Lars shook his head. "Lee, my second oldest brother. The research facility we're in belongs to him called Violet Systems. Everyone in my family owns a company. Everyone...but me."

"Yeah, didn't you say you work for your nephew?"

Lars hid his face in shadow. "Let's not talk about that."

Noctis shrugged. "If you say so." He scanned the other people in the photo which were two girls. One had long black pigtails, wore a Chinese martial artist fighting uniform, and was standing quite close to Jin, leaning into him. Behind her, he could see what appeared to be—was that a panda on its hind legs?! Indeed it was. He'd come back to that. But right now, his eyes focused on the last person, a girl with pink hair done in two shades and split perfectly down the middle. She was standing next to Lars, and like the pigtailed girl, she was leaning into him. Pushing the picture back over, he again pointed. "Your girlfriend?"

"Not even. She's not human."

"What?! You're lying!"

The soldier huffed a laugh. "She's one of my brother's creations. The world's most realistic android, my brother's crowning achievement."

But Noctis heard nothing beyond "realistic". He swallowed thickly. "So, um…can you…you know?"

Lars had closed his eyes but opened them minutely at the question. "'You know'…what?"

"Well… _you know_. Can you…with her…?"

The older man pinched his eyes shut again, his color draining. "You are not asking me this. Tell me you are _not_ asking me this." He sat up and snatched the photo back to much protesting from the prince, stowing it away again. "You stick your dick in that if you want to and see what happens. Lee's already told me it'd be the last thing you ever did with it."

Of course that last part was a lie so he could keep his robot waifu for himself but the prince didn't need to know that.

Noctis watched grudgingly as his trainer trudged off back to the house, those sweeping red capes further mocking him. Turning baleful eyes back to the cliff, he watched as a surprising second Karlabos scuttled up to the first and began a mating dance of snipping and tail wagging. The cliff dweller obliged and as they procreated, Noctis folded his arms on his knees and buried his face. "At least someone's getting some."


	7. Too Much of a Good Thing

At last, the final chapter to the saga of Lars! As such, he shines front and center here.

Oh, and…there was a Kingdom Hearts reference in the previous chapter that I was hoping at least one person caught ;)

* * *

 **Too Much of a Good Thing**

~.~.~

Lars Alexandersson

Was sitting outside and then

While drinking his protein shake and whey,

Along came the king

Who said a _horrifying_ thing

That scared the young Lars away!

~.~.~

"I want to adopt you as my son."

Only a quick reflex saved the king's face from an onslaught of backwash. " _What in the_ _Helagsfjället_ _are you talking about?!"_ Lars demanded in Swedish. "Where is _this_ coming from?"

Regis shuffled in the seat across from him in a boyish, nervous way. "Well…you don't have a family, right? You can join ours! Noctis would be delighted to have an older brother."

"I already have two. This would also make your family related to the Mishima's," Lars pointed out, then shuddered violently. "You do _not_ want to be related to the Mishima's."

"So your family has a little backstabbing, espionage and world domination in its history, big deal! Whose doesn't? Look, why don't you take some time to think about it. I'm positive you'll be happier here in Lucis."

As he left, Lars stared glumly into the remains of his cup. It was honestly the offer of a lifetime, trading up from the bastard son of one of the world's wealthiest men to the son of a king. He would become a _prince_. He rolled the word around on his tongue. Prince Lars. His Highness Prince Lars. Prince Lars Caelum. It sounded…

"Have you thought about it yet?!" Regis demanded, two inches from his face. The king looked unconcerned as his hopeful son-to-be screamed and fell over backwards. "Well? What do you think?"

"I need…some more time," Lars said, getting up weakly. "This is a pretty big decision, after all."

Regis put up his hands and backed away. "I understand, my apologies. I won't rush you."

Lars made certain he was gone before flipping over the balcony and scaling down the building. Heading to the back, he was easily let into the courtyard area for training the Glaives, another request asked of him by the king. It was right in his field of expertise and so he'd easily agreed. A month had now gone by since he'd come to this country and he was enjoying the overwhelming support from everyone.

With the exception of three.

Sliding down against a wall, he tried to organize his thoughts. His attention landed on two slugs racing and he watched with a hint of jealousy at their unhurried lives. He was so enamored with them that he didn't notice the trio approaching until a boot came down on the racers. Lars looked up with the deepest of loathing at the owner of the offending foot: Gladio.

"You got somethin' you wanna say?" The Shield sneered down at him. His fingers itched to produce something, any blade, any magic spell to wipe that look off this guy's face.

Lars stood up and stared back evenly, even though he was at least four inches shorter. "Considering you and your posse came to me, I think it's the other way around. I didn't know you were so insecure, you needed a bookworm and a wannabe idol just to validate you."

"Reading _recipehs_ doesn't make me a bookworm!" Ignis defended himself but was drowned out by Prompto's expulsion, "Don't compare me to those dime a dozen hacks!"

Replying to Lars, Gladio informed him, "We want you out. You might have Noct and the King fooled but I don't trust you. You might not be a Nif but considering you've already overthrown one government, I'm not letting you overthrow another."

On paper, it was a business Lars had overthrown…though a business that had roots so deep in the government, they were essentially the Zaibatsu's puppet. His coup d'état had certainly caused huge shifts in Japan but he wasn't about to provide that fuel for him. Lars rested back in a fighting stance, a pose meant for quick, powerful strikes that he called Dynamic Entry. "Gladiolus, I think it's past time that I show you why I'm here. Fight me. Whoever loses, leaves."

"Now that's my kind of wager!" Lifting his arm to his shoulder, he summoned his sword and settled into his own fighting stance. "I come from a long line of warriors, winning's in my blood!"

"Good thing I have a history of toppling legacies, then," Lars snipped and with that, the two launched themselves at each other.

In no time at all, a circle had formed around them from Glaives abandoning their training. An equal amount of cheers went up for either fighter though Lars couldn't help but hear from Prompto: "Get 'em, Gladio! Kick his ass back to Ikea! I once bought a chair from there and the cheap shit broke before I could even sit in it!"

And then Ignis: "I once tried their meatballs. They left _much_ to be desired."

"Ew, dude, you actually _ate_ there?! Everyone knows Ikea meatballs are made from cardboard and sawdust!"

Oh, that was it. They could call him a half-breed. They could mock his family's ethics. They could even try to steal his robot love interest. But he would _not_ stand for them slandering the beautiful name of Ikea!

Lars' fists crackled with red lightning before he hauled back and slammed a fierce punch into Gladio, awakening to his Rage Drive. This was followed by several other strikes meant to completely incapacitate before he finished with a shoulder-check that would topple a bull.

And yet Gladio tanked it all.

"My turn."

Lars saw stars as a single fist clobbered him. The bones in his legs disappeared and he dropped to a heap. He heard boos and cheers and then someone was at his side, holding him in their arms. It'd been so long, so very long, since anyone had held him. He turned to thank this benevolent soul and instantly recoiled when he saw the king.

"Lars! Damnit, soldier, talk to me! How many fingers am I holding up? What's the capital of Belarus? And for the love of the Astrals, have you thought about it yet?!"

The soldier willed his eyes not to flutter as a wave of dizziness hit him. He pushed himself away and cautiously stood himself up. His face felt as scrambled as his brain but he managed to spit out, along with a trail of blood, "Still not yet, Your Majesty…"

The King pulled something from his pocket, a green flask that was starting to become more familiar the longer Lars stayed in the country. He knew how it worked and tried to run away. The king snatched his ever-present twin capes, worn even though he wasn't in his armor, and held him still. Surrounded by Glaives that'd likely kill him if he harmed the King, he resigned himself to his fate.

Regis smashed the bottle into his face, ironically breaking the bones again before everything began to fix itself. The potion unfortunately did not contain any anesthesia and so he felt every bone fragment and nerve as they dutifully pulled themselves back into the proper alignment. By the time his face was normal again, Lars' eyes were streaming.

Again taking no heed to the distress of the fighter, the king only quietly cleared his throat for attention. Instantly, the area fell silent. In a commanding voice that at last laid true his status, he addressed his subjects: "What many of you might see here is a defeated man. One who was pummeled—"

"Unnecessary," Said Lars.

"—Eviscerated,"

"Please stop…"

"And disemboweled by Gladio."

"That didn't happen!"

"And yet!" Said the King, undaunted. "I see a champion. When I look in those Ikea blue eyes, I see a fighter, one who doesn't let one punch hold him down! Overruling the terms of this match, I declare Lars the winner and I ask, nay, _implore_ him to stay in Lucis!" And then turning to the young man, he added still for all to hear: "As my son."

"What in the fresh hell did you say?!"

A flash of blue and then Noctis was on the ground before them. Rising rather dramatically with pink lightning crackling around him, Noctis locked eyes with his father, his irises the same hue as his energy. "Mind repeating that for me, _Dad_?"

The King blinked in bafflement a few times before shouting "LARS IS GOING TO BE—"

"Oh, I heard you! I was just hoping I was imagining it! Why do you want to adopt Lars when you have me?" That last part had lost some of its edge and came from the voice of a boy asking his dad why they don't ever play catch in the park like the other kids with their parents, it's not fair, you're _always_ busy!

Lars looked to Noctis with complete understanding. He would trade almost anything to have a normal father…but he would not steal another's. "I'm sorry, King Regis, but…I can't accept. You have a son, wayward as he may be," he smiled at the prince, who looked away guiltily with eyes fading back to normal. "Besides, I have a feeling that being a Caelum would be just as turbulent as being a Mishima."

"Understatement!" all others confirmed.

"And so, not only do I decline your generous offer, but I think I will adhere to the rules laid down by this fight and take my leave." He gave a deep, straight-backed bow, instilled in him for how to greet his estranged father…and job interviewers. Those damn job interviews. Something he'd have to deal with again if he didn't want to stay employed under his nephew forever. "Thank you so much for everything."

Surprisingly, Prompto burst forth from the crowd, nearly tripping in his rush. "I'm so sorry I was such an asshole to you! I was just jealous because you're so damn cool! Forgive me!" He bowed as well, but was too close and thus knocked heads with Lars. Two Potions later and the two firmly shook hands, solidifying a friendship.

Equally, Ignis also stepped forward. "My apologies, Lars," Ignis lilted while quickly pushing up his flashing glasses. "We're rather protective of our Noct. Certainly you understand that we only want the best for him and to ensure he surrounds himself with only the most positive of influences."

Lars wanted to retort with venom but held back. He had just sort of slid his way directly next to the prince, hadn't he? And with a past full of not-so-pure deeds as well. It must've been torture for Ignis, stuck between wanting to counsel Noctis and yet being overruled on his better judgements by the king. He thought of the eternal nervous breakdowns from Zazu in the _Lion King_ and checked a grin before it could become visible. "I forgive you," he replied humbly. And yes, he'd still tap that.

Lastly was Gladiolus. The man lumbered forward, still tapping his great sword behind him. The two sized each other up for a tense minute before the Shield dissolved the blade, bringing up a hand to sheepishly scratch the back of his head. "Sorry for being a dick."

Right to the point. Lars appreciated that. "No hard feelings." Even worse than with Ignis, he'd essentially shoved Gladio out of his job and then pissed in the wound by getting a promotion to train the Glaives. He couldn't fault the man; he'd be bitter, too.

Looking down, he saw that Noctis' own jealousy had faded and he was prepared to give his own goodbyes. "…I'm really gonna miss you," he mumbled at his feet.

Lars patted his shoulder and finally smiled. "We'll definitely meet again. Lucis will make an excellent vacation destination."

"I guess. Oh, and, um…if your brother happens to make another android…"

"No."

He began to walk away, then stopped and snapped back around. He held his hand up into a salute and each Glaive returned it, even those that had mocked him. In the face of his humility, their petty grievances melted away. Once finished, they watched with contained emotion as their leader faded away into the distance.

All of these beautiful goodbyes…ruined as Lars realized he was leaving all his possessions in the Citadel. Then he had to convince the security guards at the door, yes he'd quit but come on, you know me! Can't you just let me back in? No? You'll just bring me my things? Well fine then! Son of a whore bastards!

It was on a note of embarrassing awkwardness that Lucis watched Lars leave.

* * *

And so, those were my chapters with Lars! I've actually sort of fallen for Lars' backstory and there's a _tiny_ possibility that I'll continue with him in a separate story (which may or may not still bridge FFXV).


	8. Final Fantasy

Hey, it finally didn't take me three millennia to update! There's more to say at the bottom but let me allow you to feast your lookin'-balls upon this new chapter.

* * *

 **Final Fantasy**

The great thing about living between two buildings with over fifty floors each was that you rarely had to leave for anything. Everything you could need was only an elevator button press away. A floor filled with every candy in the world? They had that! An indoor golf course complete with realistic changing weather? Had that too! A room enshrined to the adorableness of Noctis as a baby? Yes, that existed, as well as one for pre-teen years and his teenage years. A new one was under way for his twenties.

And no, Noctis was not aware of these rooms. Only Regis held the keys to them.

As for King Regis, he was currently in building B, sitting in a doctor's lobby while reading a three year old copy of Sports Illustrated, brought in by him. No other patient was in the lobby. In fact, no one else had been in there for well over two hours. He sat there pleasantly reading his magazine until the receptionist, Monica, called out with a voice betraying her lost patience, "The doctor will see you now, King Regis."

The king instantly slammed the magazine down. "About damn time! You people need to get more staff in here! And get some better reading material, too!"

She was too fed up to respond, nevermind that she'd been called in _on her day off_ to come in and play receptionist just for the King's whims. She wasn't even in the medical field, she was a Crownsguard officer! He'd instructed her to wait two hours and then announce the doctor, his personal physician, who always had a slot cleared just for His Majesty. _And this is why I drink._ "Can I go home now, Sire? I'm almost seventy percent sure I left the oven on…"

"Huh? Oh, of course, my dear! You were brilliant today! Same time next week? And do send me the bill if your home did burn down! Honestly, Monica, I don't know why you don't just move into the Citadel like all the other employees."

 _So I can have some space away from_ you! "Thank you, Your Majesty. I'll see you on Monday." She grabbed her things and rushed to the changing area behind the desk to get out of the nurse's uniform the king had almost kinkily requested she wear. Considering he didn't linger to look at her though, she knew that wasn't it; the king just took his role-playing too damn seriously.

As though to prove that, Regis went into the examination room with a bandage wrapped around his head. Upon walking in and seeing his patient, the doctor leapt back. "That's…not real, is it?" And with a frown, he added, "Please tell me that's not self-inflicted." He unfortunately did not put it past the king to do such a thing.

Putting a hand to the bandage, the king gave a playful tug. "I'm perfectly fine up here, I just like seeing the reactions of everyone else when they notice it!"

 _I think that means that you're_ not _fine up there, but I'm a physician, not a psychologist. Otherwise, curing you would be a lesson in futility._ "Well then, if it's not your head, how can I assist you, Your Majesty?"

"Just a checkup, doc. Been feeling the aches and pains a bit more than usual and figured it was time I paid you a visit."

"How responsible of you!"

"What's that?"

"Nothing." It wasn't worth starting an exchange over. He pulled out his stethoscope and began.

Another two hours and a battery of tests later, he stuck several X-Rays up on a screen and turned to the king with concerned eyes. "I'm happy you did come to me because the news isn't good. You're not recovering from normal wear and tear as fast as you should be. For example, your right knee. The cartilage is almost completely gone. We could do a knee replacement but it's painful…and would only buy you two years at most. The Crystal is just taking your energy way too fast now that you're getting older. And unfortunately…we haven't found a cure for this yet."

Started by Regis' great grandfather, a team of scientists had been secretly assembled to help with beating the Astral's at their own game. Their task was to analyze the current and past royalties of Lucis to help with developing a solution to end the rapid degradation brought on by the Crystal. Even Noctis' cells had already been harvested, done rather hastily by a jab to the neck with a needle while engrossed in a video game. The one who had done it had uttered a hasty apology before running off shouting "For science!" Noctis hadn't pressed charges as he was morbidly curious as to what his cells had been used for. With extreme disappointment, he was still waiting.

To the news, Regis gave a smile, though not as bright as normal. "Yes, I'm aware the Crystal is starting to get rather greedy. What I'm really here for, doc, is the unabashed truth: how much time do I have?"

The doctor looked back over the X-Rays for a while, then finally sighed, rubbing his face behind his glasses. "Five years, tops. No Lucian king or queen has ever made it past fifty-five."

At nearly fifty-one already, the clock was ticking. Still smiling kindly, the king gave an appreciative nod. "Thank you, doctor. That's all that I needed."

"Certainly. Oh, and, you can pull your pants back up. We've been done with the prostate exam for well over an hour."

The king blushed and redid himself. "Sorry about that. I enjoy a nice stroll undressed in my quarters but I have to remember that I share my "house" with two-thousand other employees," he winked. Sliding carefully off the examination bed, he limped to the door before the doctor called out:

"When do you plan to tell the prince?"

Without turning around, the king only shook his head. "I don't."

~.~.~

Yet another tourist group was snaking its way through the Citadel. As he wasn't completely impervious to the whims of the Caelum household, Noctis stationed himself just outside the throne room, seemingly taking in the area as though it were his first time. In the northern corners were zen gardens, thin lines drawn like a maze in pits of sand. Two black leather sofas sat between them for visitors. But the biggest features were the paintings of the Astrals, most notably the large mural depicting the fall of the would-be first king, Ardyn. It was there that the tourists "ran into him" as he wistfully examined the painting like an art connoisseur.

He politely allowed them to snap their pictures and posed with one or two with the confirmation of the Crownsguard that they were safe. He signed overly-expensive Citadel memorabilia and answered a couple of innocent questions just to humor the crowd. Once finished, the group happily left, thrilled at the experience of a lifetime of getting that close to the prince.

Noctis enjoyed it as it was one of the few times he could interact with the outside world; even his "spontaneous" trips had to be pre-approved. Most importantly, it allowed for recent pictures of him to be shown that he was alive and well. In these days of constant conspiracy theories, he'd run into more than his fair share of online forums speculating that the reason nobody ever saw him after his high school graduation was because he'd somehow been kidnapped or killed. He knew he should just ignore them but the satisfaction of raining on their parade was too enjoyable. Though that only then began rumors of him having a clone…

Maybe that's what his cells had gone to.

The last tourist had just been led away when the doors to the throne room were thrown open. Without thinking, he instantly slid behind a column like a shadow. He heard Clarus hiss, "Just listen to me, Regis!" just before he heard the now-familiar pattern of his father's steps: two claps of shoes, one faster than the other from the limp, and then the tap of the cane. His father didn't always need it, so today must've been one of his bad days.

"You can't hide this from him forever, Regis! He's your son, he deserves to know!" Clarus persisted, chasing after the king. As they walked out towards the elevator, Noctis deftly swiveled around the corner of the square column to remain on their blind side. But what was it that he needed to know?

"It'll be alright, Clarus! I needn't worry him so soon!" Regis sounded pleasant but Noctis caught the nearly imperceptible undercurrent of tension.

"And yet time will pass before you know it! Don't do this to him!" Clarus pleaded.

"You believe putting this on his conscious now is the answer? I'm sorry but I must disagree with you, old friend."

"And you wish that he discover you the way that you did with King Mors?"

The air was instantly sucked out the room; even the Crownsguard pretending not to eavesdrop went still.

"That won't happen," Regis at last replied, his voice hoarse.

"Then tell him."

"I won't."

" _Tell him!_ "

"Enough, Clarus!" Regis finally thundered just as the elevator announced its arrival. Only his three taps could be heard entering the enclosure. "Please. Let me do this my way. Noctis already has a hard life ahead of him. I refuse to burden him with my troubles as well."

There was another pause as Clarus fought to continue the argument but at last, he conceded. "…Very well, Your Majesty."

As the elevator left, Clarus came back, entering the throne room again. Another door could then be heard opening, likely the conference room where he met with the Council. If he was calling together an impromptu meeting, something serious was going on.

But Noctis didn't need to be told what. Instinctually, he already knew. Pressing a hand to his mouth, his tears fell silently in the shadow of Ardyn's demise.

~.~.~

"Hey, Dad? Are you in here? I want to talk to you."

It'd been a long time since he'd gone directly to his father's quarters. An entire floor had been dedicated just to the king, done in lavender embroidery and ash gray walls. The instant the heavy double doors closed behind Noctis, all sound beyond was silenced, making the atmosphere almost other-worldly. It was odd that for all his joy and antics, his father should choose to shut himself in such a location as this, but he knew why.

Though replaced with newer items as things wore out, these rooms had been decorated the same way for exactly twenty years. They were in memory of his mother; storm gray as his mother loved rainy days, and lavender for his mother's favorite color. The Citadel boasted not a single picture of her but it was here that his father chose to carry on her memory. This time capsule was why Noctis hated coming here.

The one link connecting back to his father's eccentricities though was that Regis would change the location of his bedroom every so often. Sometimes it was where the living room should've been. Other times, he'd convert a smaller guest bedroom into his den. And then there was the time the bedroom had replaced the kitchen—company dined cross-legged on the bed with his father and the fridge was designed to look like an armoire. Those that came out of the private chambers during this time always had an indecipherable look on their face, one that both encouraged and discouraged asking for more details. Whatever happened in there, none ever spoke of it.

Regardless, now Noctis wandered the hallways, searching for the new location that'd have the misfortune of becoming his father's bedroom. He'd been looking for nearly an hour when at last, at the very back of the halls, he came across another set of double doors. Bracing himself for anything, he pushed the doors open to reveal—

A meadow. A seemingly endless yellow-grassed meadow complete with a vibrant sun and a gentle breeze. He watched small animals—real animals—gamboling in the grass, even managing a smile as a deer mouse ran across his foot. And in the midst of all this serenity…was the king's bed, bedside tables and dresser. There was also an overstuffed chair, which is where the king was sitting, reading a book, a pair of half-moon glasses on the tip of his nose.

He was completely nude.

He whipped around so his back was to his dad, scrunching his eyes to will the image away. He couldn't very well tell his father to get dressed in his own bedroom though; he was the one that had walked in without even knocking. His father never told him how to dress in his own bedroom, he wouldn't tell his father how to dress in his.

Taking several deep breaths, he turned back around and walked quickly to the bed, the only remaining furniture where he could have a seat. However, this placed him directly in front of his father. Noctis willed his eyes to ignore everything below the neck.

"Noctis! Long time since I've seen you here! What a pleasant surprise!" The king closed his book, standing up and giving a long stretch. "Ahh, wow my back is stiff! Been sitting in that chair for hours! Hey, what's wrong? What's with that look on your face?"

Noctis' eyes were streaming but this time for a different reason. "Clothes. Please. Put on clothes. My eyes, it burns!" His earlier resolve had instantly broken.

"Huh? Oh, Six, Noct, I didn't even notice!" The king snatched the book to cover himself, scooting backwards to the armoire where he pulled out a blue kimono, Leviathan woven in silver thread circling up the hem. "Sorry about that. Your old man used to be a nudist! In fact, that's how I met your mother!"

"DAD!" Noctis shrieked.

"Oh, hush, it's only weird if you make it weird."

 _That's precisely the kind of defense I'd expect from a pervert!_ Unwilling to continue that conversation, he instead switched gears. "Whatever. I came here because I wanted to talk to you."

"What about?" Regis took his seat back in the chair.

For a moment, Noctis' mouth went dry, but he forced himself to press on. "About…you. I heard you and Clarus talking."

Those green eyes lost a little light as the king nodded. "I see. Well, cat's out of the bag, then!"

"Why weren't you going to tell me?" His son asked, hoping his voice sounded steadier to his father than it did to him.

Regis shrugged, reaching to the bedside cabinet to pick up a wineglass previously unnoticed. Swirling it around for a moment before taking a sip he said, "What's the point? Telling you now would only make you worry constantly. And look, I was right. You can't do anything about it, Noctis, so it was pointless to get you involved."

"It's not pointless to tell your child that you're dying!" the son blurted out. "In fact, I think that's something very important that should be mentioned to me!"

Unlike his outburst with Clarus, Regis wasn't going to let Noctis make him lose his temper. He still needed to apologize to his Shield for that. "It's not like this is really a secret. You know the rules for using the Crystal. Using its powers could not be avoided in order to protect, if not all of Lucis, then Insomnia. I knew the consequences and accepted them. As did your forbearers. And one day, you will too." He stared at his son intently, daring him to refute this. When Noctis could only click his teeth and look away, he knew his son was beginning to understand. "So. Now that you know, I would like to know what you're going to do about it."

So caught up in his indignation, Noctis hadn't even thought that far ahead. At last though, he had to admit: there was absolutely nothing he could do. He closed his eyes and let only a single tear fall.

Regis reached across and brushed it away for him, then cupped his chin. "I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to enjoy every last minute I have left doing the things I love with the people I love. And of course, that means you."

They were the words he'd been waiting to hear his entire life and Noctis didn't even attempt to hide his elation at hearing them. "Really? You honestly mean that?"

"I swear on my father's grave."

"You hated your father."

"Then on Ardyn's grave."

"He's even worse!"

"On your mother's—?"

"Not an option!" Noctis scolded. But he took his father's hand and squeezed it, something he hadn't done since childhood. "I'll just have to take your word for it and hold you accountable."

Regis moved over to the bed and pulled him to his shoulder to give him a hug. "Thank you, Noctis. I promise to not disappoint you."

"I know. But Dad?"

"Yeah, son?"

"Could you _please_ get dressed?"

Regis looked back at the kimono on the arm of his chair that he'd never actually put on and sighed. " _Fine_." Once dressed, he asked, "Happy now?"

Noctis nodded, but didn't even look at the robe. His eyes were on his father. "Yeah. I'm definitely much happier now."

* * *

Like the games I named this chapter after, this doesn't necessarily mean it's the end. For now though, this will be the final chapter. While this story is marked Complete, I'll still update here if other ideas come to mind, especially as I'm going to continue writing for FFXV. And in the event that I don't update again, I've had plenty of fun writing this. Thanks, everyone, and see you when I see you!


	9. New King in Town

So, I had informed in the last chapter that it was a 50/50 as to if that was going to really be the last chapter and I'm happy I did leave the option open. I've wanted to write something for a while but I'm still trying to choose the next new story out of the myriad I have in mind for FFXV. That last chapter came out in July and it's now October, and I've done little writing between the months. I was feeling the rust start to creep in so to shake it off, I penned this. Forgive me if it's a bit rough as I wrote it in a single sitting. Still, hope you enjoy! Title comes from a mission in FFXV: Comrades.

* * *

 **New King in Town**

That morning, Noctis heard words he'd never expected to hear, not just out of his father's mouth but out of anyone's mouth: "Noct! Come help me make breakfast!"

He blinked his eyes open to see his father standing beside his bed with the usual slightly manic expression of exuberance which signaled that something not so happy was about to go down. With a grunt, the prince rolled over and checked the time; just past seven in the morning. On a Saturday. Not no, but hell no was he getting up that early on a weekend.

"Make Ignis cook," Noctis mumbled, already pulling the blanket back over his face, hoping to get back to the dream he'd been having. Something about transforming into a titan and facing off against…Titan. This was after having just kicked Eren Jaeger's ass.

"Ignis is sick," Regis replied, tugging insistently at the blanket.

Noctis sat back up quickly, ripping the blanket off. "What?! Ignis doesn't get sick!"

"Don't be obtuse, everyone gets sick," the king actually rolled his eyes.

"No, Dad, I'm serious! I've _never_ seen Ignis sick! That man has an immune system that's not human! What happened? Is he okay?" Noctis was now reaching over to the nearest chair to throw on his clothes.

Happy his son was rising, the king took a seat in the chair in front of the desk. "He assures it's just a chest cold but he doesn't sound too well so I recommended he take a day off. I'm aware he's never taken a personal day but I've actually given everyone off today. It is a holiday, after all."

Noctis was in the midst of brushing his hair in his dresser mirror when he froze. Staring at his father from over his shoulder, one wide blue eye met green. "You gave… _everyone_ off? But…I don't…Dad, we can't…" he stammered.

"We'll be fine!" Regis gave a hearty laugh that Noctis couldn't decipher if it was real or not. "If we can't last one measly day without the staff, how does either of us expect to rule? Our first challenge as independent royal elites is to make breakfast. Let's go!"

He followed his father out the room and for the first time ever, there weren't guards to greet him. The large hallways were absolutely silent, leaving him alone with just his father and the paintings on the wall. "This is creepy…" he whispered.

"I actually will agree," Regis said, equally quiet. "I heard on the news that all the cars leaving from the Citadel caused something of a traffic jam for two hours as both towers had never been emptied like this before."

Stepping into an elevator, they rode down to the sixth floor where the main dining hall and kitchen were at. Looking up at his father, Noctis asked, "Not worried about anyone trying to storm the fortress?"

"Not especially. Clarus was adamant on trying to stay but I reminded him that he has two children he's barely spent time with. As today is the " _Dies de Messores_ ", Day of Reapers, I wanted him to spend time with them and maybe go put flowers on his wife's grave. By the way, after breakfast, we're doing the same for your mother."

The air in the elevator suddenly felt too thick. "Okay," Noctis said to the floor.

The pair entered the dining hall that could seat a hundred if need be but as the king lead, he stopped at the double doors that would take them beyond. "Hey…Noct? Can I be level with you?"

"You've never been in here?"

"Have you?!"

"…No."

"I…I'm a little scared," Regis bit his lip.

"Truth? I…kinda am, too."

The two stared at each other for a long moment, finally understanding each other. Until Regis declared, "This is pathetic." He turned and burst open the doors, a grand scene that would've turned heads had the kitchen been filled.

As it was, only the stainless steel of appliances greeted him. "Alright, Noct! What are we having for breakfast?"

"There's this awesome berry pastry Ignis usually makes me for breakfast," Noctis recommended eagerly. But then he thought about the fact that after serving him for a lifetime, Ignis still had yet to master that pastry the way it'd been made in Tenebrae. If even Ignis hadn't perfected it, they didn't stand a hope in the Beyond. "Or we could just do eggs."

Regis strode down the line of pans hanging from a rack, considering each carefully. He finally stopped in front of a large and deep one. "Think this will do? It'll make sure it doesn't spill out since it has tall sides."

Noctis nodded, unable to correct his father that he'd actually selected a pot, and opened the fridge. He found a carton of eggs easily and placed them beside the stove. He reached to turn the stove on…but there were several knobs. There was one in the center that increased by 50, starting at 200, which also had an option to Broil at the end of the list of numbers. There were other dials that seemed to have a picture of four circles and each picture had at least one dot shaded. Were those to tell which stove burner to use? Did he need to select a number from the middle dial and then turn on the corresponding burner he wanted to use?

"I don't get this, Dad," he finally admitted, tugging on his father's shirt. Regis also took a moment to study the stove. After a lengthy breath of silence, Noctis shared his suggestion.

"I think you're right. I believe it doesn't take long when cooking eggs, if the amount of time it takes for my meal to be brought to me is anything to go by. I say we select the 200 option and then turn that dial there on the left for the burner."

Noctis turned the middle dial and then turned the one on the left. It clicked rapidly several times and the prince instantly shut it off, backing all the way to the door. "It ticks like a bomb!"

Regis inadvertently took a step toward the door as well but pulled himself together. "Indeed it does but that could just be the sound that this contraption makes when being started. Nevertheless, I say we forgo the knob and light it directly ourselves." From his fingers, he produced a flame and slowly reached out to the burner.

It would be called the miracle of the century that the king took the blast at such a close proximity, protected only by a last minute Shield spell. The gas from the stove exploded upon contact with the fire magic, knocking the king and prince back all the way into the dining room, the pair falling on the table and smashing half of it to splinters. However, through the kitchen doors that'd also been ripped from the hinges, they watched the once in a lifetime sight of a stove launching itself into the ceiling, where it would actually pass through three floors before finally crunching to a pile of twisted metal in the throne room.

"Well, fuck," Regis coughed in the dust and debris, taking advantage of it only being the two.

"Double fuck," Noctis concurred. "My ears are ringing now. Can we just go out for breakfast? Like, the Choco Burger? I'll drive."

"I most certainly will go with that," the king accepted, pulling himself and his son out of the wreckage. "I wonder if they'll have popcorn shrimp."

Noctis said nothing, though one eye gave a very familiar twitch.

~.~.~

"What happened to the kitchen?! I was gone _one day_ and you blew it to kingdom come!"

"Okay, now Ignis, I know what you're thinking," Regis tried to head him off.

"No, you don't! I'm thinking I serve the two most incompetent buffoons in the history of Eos! Your throne has literally been replaced with a STOVE! I don't know if that's symbolic for the future or a metaphor regarding the current absolute chaos of your regency! With the way you're leading Noct, we might as well pledge loyalty to the stove, that's about what you two are worth!"

"I'm right here, you know," Noctis reminded.

"And you should be! I can't take my eyes off you two for a second! Does our insurance even cover magically-launched appliances?!" Ignis pulled out a calculator and began to crunch numbers. "I need to think this through. And for the love of the Astrals, don't touch anything else!" Ignis sat down at one of the remaining chairs from the demolished dining room as he summed up the damages.

The two watched him for a moment before Regis ventured to ask, "Sooo…you cooking breakfast, or…?"

Ignis' own green eyes flashed with murder. "Does it _look_ like I'm going to be cooking breakfast?"

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking."

" _No,_ King Regis, I am _not_ cooking breakfast today. I have my hands full with all of _this_ ," He gestured to the two rooms and above. "You and the prince will have to fend for yourselves again."

"Hey, dad! The microwave is good!" Called Noctis from the kitchen. "And someone put some leftover waffles in the fridge wrapped in foil! I'll heat them up for us!"

"NOOOOOOOO!" Ignis bolted from his chair, tackling Noctis right before he could press the microwave Start button. "Fine, I'll cook, I'll cook! Just let me live to see the age of twenty-three!"

"Thanks, Iggy, you're the best!" The prince and King chirped their appreciation, happily going to the remainder of the table to wait.

With a hand resting over his still-pounding heart, Ignis muttered, "No…thank _you._ "

* * *

Most of us have probably now found out that FF vs. XIII was going to have Lucis as a country of reaper worshipers but some countries just couldn't handle that. Always ruining the fun, lol. So! I made up a holiday as homage to that and to create a reason as to why Regis and Noct would ever need to cook for themselves. I'll likely use it again in another story at some point if I don't create a one-shot centered on it for here. Comments and critique always appreciated!


	10. A Calamitous Courtship

Back with a much longer chapter than usual, but I'm really happy about that. I'm still busy working on other FFXV stuff in the background but figured it was time I updated here.

* * *

 **A Calamitous Courtship**

There was a time, back before Niflheim mandated that he marry Princess Lunafreya, that Noctis had a dating life.

It lasted exactly one date.

He'd asked a girl out in the age-old Japanese high school tradition of requesting her to meet him on the school roof. With nerves fueled by Red Bull, he'd stuttered the words, "I think we should hang out sometime?" complete with the vocal hitch that turned his statement into a question.

The girl, whose name he _swears_ he cannot remember when pried for more information by his now fiancée, was named Stella. She'd had her eyes on the prince as well and was thoroughly over the moon at his proposal. She said yes and the date was set. Next Friday? At five? She'd be there.

And so would his father.

~.~.~

"Dad, _please_ don't do this. I swear I'll do anything you ask if you don't go."

"What's wrong with me wanting to chaperone my own son on a date? Other parents do it," Regis countered, spritzing himself in his room with heavy cologne.

"Other kid's parents aren't the rulers of a country! Can't I just let Ignis tag along? Or Gladio? In fact, I'd rather it be Gladio." Ignis was a prude; he could already envision the older teenager clearing his throat or clicking his tongue in disapproval every five minutes if Noctis tried to do anything romantic. However, he knew Gladio could be something of a womanizer and so he'd have no problems with witnessing the process of courting.

But King Regis waved him off, draping his majestic cowl over his shoulders. There was no way he was going to blend in with Lucian society like that. "Those two are still babies themselves. You need _adult_ supervision. So, I'm happy to oblige."

"You barely act like an adult yourself," Noctis muttered before he could stop himself.

"Do we have a problem, Noctis?" Regis asked with a little less warmth.

"N-no, sir."

"Great! Let's make this a fun, _safe_ night! Now," the king brightened, pulling out his cellphone. "What's the girl's address again?"

~.~.~

As the king's driver's license was still suspended from his racing on the night his son was born, a chauffeur handled the navigation that evening. They picked Stella up, who happened to only live a few blocks away from the Citadel, and Noctis climbed out to hold the door open for her. He regretted it instantly, though. King Regis had opted to sit not in the passenger front seat, but in the back, boxing Stella between both members of royalty.

The king beamed at her. "Well, aren't you a lovely thing! My Noctis has good taste!"

" _Daaad!"_

"Oh, hush, I'm just trying to make conversation. Something you should try instead of stuffing your face full of Assassin's Creed. "

Stella giggled at this and Noctis grew redder.

"Is your family originally from Insomnia, Stella?" The king asked.

She shook her head of blonde hair gently. "No, Your Majesty, my family used to live in the Cleigne region."

The king blinked, then nodded "Wow, how interesting!"

 _No it's not, just shut up!_ Noctis internally screamed.

By the time they arrived at the restaurant for the date, Noctis had fallen into a sulky silence. He trailed the two like a thundercloud as they went in but…what's this? Were the Astrals finally cutting him a break? The maître'd looked down at the reservation list and asked, "Table for two for the party of Prince Noctis?"

Not three. Two. Noctis sprang forward immediately. "Yes!"

"Right this way, please."

He followed the man to the table, an intimate little square meant just for a couple. Good, his father wouldn't be able to sit with them. He politely pulled out the chair for his date and took a seat across from her. From his spot, he had a line of sight back to the front of the restaurant and his father was speaking with someone who looked like a manager. Said manager was currently wringing their hands at the sudden arrival of the king. When the maitre'd returned, his father was quickly lead to his own table…directly next to Noct's.

Leaning forward, his father whispered, "I actually believe I've been here once before. Isn't this where I took your mother on our first date? Or was it the second? Or maybe it was when I proposed to her…" he scratched his beard for a moment while Stella continued to sit with a plastered smile and Noctis wished he could warp-strike through the floor. "Oh, that's right! I took her here the night you were conceived!"

" _What the hell, Dad?!"_ hissed Noctis.

"Haha! Forgive an old man, I just don't want you to make my same mistake!" Regis informed generously.

But Noctis became crestfallen. "Wait. I was a mistake? But…you and mom were married five years before I was born. You were thirty! I thought you were ready for a kid!"

The king actually put a hand under his chin and shook his head with a bemused smile. "Noctis, given my choice, Lucis would've become a democracy after my rule."

"But the Crystal? Who would look after it?"

Regis shrugged. "Whoever became prime minster or president or whatever would have control of it."

Noctis stared at him dubiously. "You know that wouldn't work. Lucis would fall into complete anarchy. And in the chaos, Niflheim would swoop in and take the Crystal. Or," and Noctis suddenly gave a mirthless laugh, "What if no one wants the stupid thing because it sucks the life out of you to use its powers? How many people are going to line up willingly when they're told about that part?"

"Lots," said Stella.

The two rounded on her.

"Well, I mean," she defended herself with her hands up, "It _is_ still power, even if it lasts briefly. There's plenty who would want that. I mean… _I_ would…"

"Oh really? What would you do with it?" asked Regis, pointing out his food choice on the menu to a waiter that'd arrived.

Stella said, "Kill the ones who murdered my mother."

Noctis choked on his glass of water. "Come again?"

But Stella tucked herself behind her menu and refused to say anything more on the topic. Not wanting to be insensitive and press too quickly for more details into her life, Noctis let the issue drop.

~.~.~

Dinner was pleasant overall and Noctis was thrilled when his father recognized an old college buddy dining at the restaurant and went to go sit with them. The other man seemed to be having dinner with his wife, who looked none-too-pleased to have the king insert himself. But for the hour they were there, his father became their problem and so he was finally able to chat normally with Stella, focusing mainly on school.

Instead of getting back in the car, Noctis asked, "Mind taking a walk with me?" Since he barely got out of the Citadel, Prompto had told him there was a park nearby where he frequently took pictures. He figured it was a nice way to round off a date, to walk and sit and talk some more.

And maybe steal a kiss or two _if his father would take a hint!_

"I agree, Noct, a walk would be great for digestion!" Regis chimed in.

Suppressing a groan, Noctis led the trio across the street to the park. He picked the path that was lit the most as night had fallen and as he began to slow down to a stroll, he slipped out his jacket and put it on Stella. She accepted it with a shy, "Thank you," and Noctis took the opportunity to keep his arm around her, pulling her a little close.

"Smooth," he swore he heard his father whisper from behind.

They continued that way for twenty minutes, he and Stella having a smidgen of privacy with the king trailing behind. Hearing the clipping of his father's cane rid him with too much guilt to walk faster and so darkness had fully fallen by the time they made it even halfway through the park. At the same moment the last vestige of the sun vanished, Stella stopped and pointed at something in the darkness of the woods surrounding the park.

"Oh! I think I saw a cat!" she gasped. "It looked like a tabby. Our cat ran away a week ago, maybe that's her!" And without hesitation, she chased after it.

Noctis instantly began to follow her but Regis suddenly took several powerful strides forward, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Noctis, I don't think you should follow…"

But Noctis stepped away out of his grasp, confused. "What, there might be a daemon in there? I doubt any could get past the Wall."

"There's more dangerous things in this world than daemons," the king warned.

"Which is why I have _this,_ " said the prince, and his hand produced a ball of flame. "I'll be back in a bit. Let me go get Stella and I'll let her know we'll return tomorrow so we can find her cat."

"Noctis, I really don't—!" But he was gone. Regis sat down heavily on a nearby bench, never taking his eyes off the flame.

Stumbling into the woods, the first thing Noctis noticed was that all sound from the streets beyond instantly stopped. No owls, no crickets, and not even the wind in the leaves could be heard. It made him shiver. It was so dark, he wondered how Stella was able to see anything in there. And where was she, anyways? It was so quiet…how far had she gotten? Or had she fallen and been hurt? He sped up, getting worried.

"Stella! Where are you?" But no response.

Cautious to not get too close to any trees with the hand of fire, he continued to make his way in further, hoping to find evidence of the girl having passed through. It was no good; everything looked the same. "Stella! Are you in here? C'mon, answer me…" he grit his teeth.

A snapped twig was his only warning before he was pushed to the ground. In his shock, the fire went out, plunging everything into an inky black. The one that'd pushed him was still on top and he began to summon a weapon when he realized who it was. He heard a feminine giggle.

"Sorry to scare you," Stella breathed into his ear, making him shiver pleasantly this time. "Your dad was being a third wheel and I figured you might want some…alone time." Her warm fingers brushed away the hair on his forehead, a touch that was even more pronounced as he couldn't even see the hand as she did it. "Now we don't have to worry about being interrupted…"

He relaxed back without question as he felt her face drawing near. His arms wrapped around her waist, one hand feeling its way up her neck and into her hair as she tipped her head sideways. He might not have been able to see her, but she was now close enough to even smell the cinnamon chewing gum she'd popped after dinner. He leaned closer, already anticipating pressing his lips to such soft warmth—

And indeed, it was warm. In fact, she was getting _too_ warm. The hand on her neck suddenly burned and he pulled away just in time to witness Stella's golden hair go up in flames. Reacting on long-ingrained training, he flipped forcefully to the side, throwing her off him, and none too soon either. Instead of rolling amongst the dead leaves, Stella went airborne, throwing out a pair of wings that seemed entirely made of flame.

But that wasn't all. Her hands and feet had grown scaly, like that of a bird's, and now sported viciously long talons. A mask of flame covered her face to form a bird's beak, the head being thrown back to give a war cry that could not be replicated by humans.

"Is it too much to catch a break tonight!" Noctis yelled, literally pulling his hair. Could they at least go back to two minutes ago when he was about to be kissed?

A fireball launched from the mouth of bird-Stella informed that wish was a negative. He dodged to the side to avoid being hit, then stamped the flames out. There would be more though and the entire woods would burn if they remained there. Without hesitation, he made a break for it, Stella giving chase and lighting the way.

He crashed back into the open space of the park just as another fireball narrowly missed hitting his shoulder. There was a gust of wind and then for the second time that day, he was shoved. Tumbling down, he saw his father warp-strike to where he'd been standing, his sword slashing through the fire that'd nearly consumed him. As the ashes faded, the king held out a hand and Noctis was yanked back up.

"I told you to not go in there," he instantly reminded his son, keeping his eyes on Stella as she shrieked and circled the sky.

"How'd you even know that would happen?" Noctis demanded.

"She said she lived in the Cleigne region. No one lives there because that's where the volcano, Ravatogh, is at. Nothing but daemons can survive there. Daemons…and birds. I wasn't certain which one she was but I was fairly certain she wasn't altogether human. Look alive, Noct, here she comes!"

She dived steeply but then braked in mid-air to hover in front of them. Pointing a scaly hand, she crowed "Noctis Lucis Caelum, I can never forgive you for what you did! Today's the day you'll die!"

Dramatic much? "What did _I_ do?"

"You murdered my mother!" she shrieked, a violent flap of her wings raining down more fire. "The great Zu of Ravatogh! You and your friends murdered her and then that four-eyes in your group turned her into _Zu tenders._ You _ate_ my mother!"

He could feel his father also staring at him in horror. "Noctis…is this true?"

Noctis looked to Stella with sympathy. "If it's any consolation, your mother was delicious," he offered.

"IT'S NOT!" she screamed and this time she came at him so fast, the claws on her feet ripped his shirt.

With no choice, he summoned the Engine Blade, joining his father to stand back to back. "You really did it this time, didn't you, son?" chastised Regis.

"Her mom started it! She tried to kill us!"

"What were you even doing on the volcano? Wait, nevermind…" The king answered himself. He already knew. Nearly two decades ago and fearing the rising power of Niflheim, he'd undertaken the journey around Lucis to find all of the Tombs of the ancestors. He remembered now that there'd indeed been a great large bird guarding a tomb at the top of the mountain. However, his retinue had opted to only distract the bird while he fetched the Mace of the Fierce, already seeing that she had a large egg in her nest. So that egg had been Stella.

"So where does the human in her come from?" he murmured aloud but there were many mystical and mythical creatures on the outskirts of Lucis…and hidden underneath. Maybe Stella's mother had found a mate in a phoenix-human hybrid? The girl hawked another fireball from her mouth and his reverie was halted when a blast of ice collided with the flame, cast out by Noctis.

"Gonna need you to pay attention, Dad," his son reminded him.

The king chuckled. "Right you are. Well, son, we have no right to slay this girl as her actions are justifiable. We'll have to defeat her another way."

"We could freeze her with Shiva. That's what I always do when I want to hit the pause button on defeating an enemy," Noctis shrugged.

Regis opened his mouth to reprimand his son but ended up giving a reluctant nod. "Not a half bad idea, actually. But I don't think that will work this time. Instead, I have a different idea…"

Noctis listened as his father laid out the plan of guiding her to dive into the lake at the center of the park, deflecting blasts all the while. Once finished, Noctis informed, "That's probably the dumbest and yet most brilliant plan ever. Alright, I'm game."

"Good, then the rest is up to you. Get ready, aaaand…GO!" The king ordered, pointing his sword in the needed direction.

Noctis flung his Blade and vanished, reappearing twenty feet from the park path they'd been fighting on. Upon noticing him getting away, Stella made to lunge but then held back. "Running away, are you? That's exactly like you Caelums. You hole yourselves up in your city while the rest of the country suffers outside the Wall. Fine then, Noctis! Instead, I'll collect your father's life as payment."

The prince turned around in time to see her cast down her largest fireball yet. "Stella, no!" he tried to warp back, but was too late. Regis' body was completely consumed in flame. He could see his father still standing there amongst the fire and he wanted to look away but couldn't. There was nothing he could do to save him; likely, his lungs were seared instantly. He fell to his knees, shaking too hard to stand back up. "I'm sorry, Stella…I'm so sorry…"

She swooped to the ground in front of him and he expected her to finish him off. Instead, her flames were nearly extinguished and she looked relatively human again, excluding a smaller pair of the fire wings. Her clothes had been singed off but he found no attraction in this. The two locked eyes and where there'd previously been malic was now a well of regret in her amethyst eyes. "A life for a life. Your debt is repaid," she whispered. She touched him lightly on the shoulder before strolling toward the exit.

He willed himself to get back up and ran over to his father's body, now collapsed on the ground. But just as he reached it, a soft explosion of blue wisps disintegrated the form, the telltale sign of the Crystal's powers being used. So if that wasn't his father, then…

From the treeline of the woods, he heard shuffling, then Regis stumbled out ungracefully. Shaking out twigs and leaves from his hair, he whispered, "Is she gone? Wow, that was a close one!"

"Dad! How are you still…" Noctis ran to him and gave a tight embrace. He fought back tears as his felt his father's beard nuzzle his forehead. "I thought I'd lost you."

Regis ruffled his hair. "While strong, it'd take more than a fire harpy to kill this old man. I escaped by planting a clone and using the Hood to dodge the attack."

He never knew his father could make clones…lucky bastard. But he already knew the powers of the Crystal often materialized unique gifts for its users; he needn't look any further than the Glaives for evidence. But…what about a Hood? And then Noctis looked again at the cowl his father had put on. It must have been the legendary Black Hood rumored to be within Pitioss Ruins, a magical item that automatically dodged attacks that was bestowed to only members of Lucian royalty who could complete the dungeon's challenges. "I didn't know you'd completed the Ruins," he said impressively, fingering the cloth.

"I didn't, I pilfered this from my father," Regis said with no shame. "I spent ten minutes in Pitioss before saying 'not no but hell no' and I won't blame you one iota if you choose not to do it as well. You can have mine. Er, well, my father's…"

"Um, thanks?" But Noctis was instead looking at the park's exit, where Stella had almost reached. "So, what do we do about her?" he pointed.

The king squinted. "First, we get the girl some clothes. Next…will depend on her." The two warped to the front of the park, blue blurs that cut Stella off. She jumped back, startled, but didn't flare up again. As Noctis had already given his coat to her, Regis took off his, which was much longer and covered her more. "I used to be a nudist but I don't think Lucis is ready for that lifestyle," he said kindly, turning his head as she dressed.

She blushed and clutched the jacket tighter. "How are you still alive? I watched you burn."

"Shadow clone jutsu," both Regis and Noctis said.

Stella nodded without needing further explanation. "So, what are you going to do to me?"

The father and son looked to each other and then looked to her. "Well," Noctis stepped forward. "That's up to you. I did something extremely awful. I...can't fault you for wanting revenge."

But she surprised him by shaking her head sadly. "It won't bring her back. And the idea of having killed someone actually made me feel sick. I didn't feel better when I thought I'd killed your father, I could only think about how not only have I hurt you, but how I've also torn apart Lucis. No offense, but I don't think Lucis deserves you in your current form as their king," she smiled.

"Gonna need some salve for that burn," whispered Regis and Noctis gave a sharp elbow.

"And so," continued Stella, "I think I'm done with this revenge thing. Besides, if being honest, my mom wasn't much of a mom anyways," she admitted. "Do you know what she did when I was two years old?"

The royal pair shook their heads.

"She pushed me out the nest! She was ready to lay another egg and needed me out the picture. Also, staying with her would've meant eating whatever she brought back…namely roadkill and worms."

Noctis smiled weakly. "Yum."

They headed back to the car still parked at the restaurant across the street. From their distance, Noctis could already see the chauffer had fallen asleep with his head tilted back. It'd been well over two hours that they'd been gone; he'd remind his father to give the man a very generous raise.

As they drove back to Stella's home, she told them how she'd managed to avoid being eaten by daemons as she climbed down the volcano, making it to the tourist rest stop at the foot of the mountain. She'd been adopted by a couple who knew of her powers but had made her promise to keep them secret. She'd make several trips a year to check on her mother and she explained that's when she saw what they'd done.

"Stella...again, I'm so sorry," Noctis said to her.

She heaved a sigh. "I forgive you. She _was_ trying to murder you and your friends. I saw that. She was pretty ferral."

When they pulled up at her house, Noctis again got out, a much easier transition this time as his father was finally sitting up front. He held the door open for Stella but as she climbed out, he couldn't help but ask, "If your mom was a Zu, what was your dad?" He realized afterwards how insensitive the question was and clamped his mouth shut.

But Stella seemed to take no offense, putting her hands casually in the pockets of Regis' jacket. "I can't speak the language of the birds as well as I used to, but I do remember my father's name. Ifrit. Ifrit the Infernian. See you Monday at school, Noctis!" she waved and went inside.

Noctis was positive the difficulties he later faced with getting Ifrit's blessing were attributed to him having dated the Astral's daughter.

* * *

And that's the real reason Ifrit was such an uncooperative bastard :)


	11. The Ballad of Ardyn Izunia: Act I

Now that Episode Ardyn is out, I feel more comfortable posting this. These next two chapters were actually written nearly a year ago before this upload. At that time, we could only speculate into Ardyn's past but now that we have confirmation of his history…I actually feel much better posting this where now I've shattered all of that :)

* * *

 **The Ballad of Ardyn Izunia: Act I**

Noctis woke that morning to the growl of his stomach. He checked the clock and noted it was going on nearly ten. If Ignis was going to bring him breakfast, he would've done so by now. That meant the food was waiting in the private dining room set aside for only members of the royal family. The private dining room would enable him to wear whatever he so chose—such as his favorite black pajamas decorated with tiny skulls.

Only bothering with putting on slippers and half-heartedly running a hand through his wild hair, he shuffled down the hallway, into an elevator and out onto a floor that had a warm scent, something comforting such as baked bread. At the end of the hall were a set of tall doors and he threw open both grandly. "Hey Ignis! What's for—oh. H-hi there…"

There were already three people in the room. One indeed was Ignis, who was placing a plate at his spot at the table, as though telepathically knowing he was about to arrive. His father was also there, which is where Ignis moved over next to pour him coffee. And then there was…Noctis didn't know who this person was, but never had a guest been brought to this dining room before. Brunches, luncheons and dinners with heads of state were held much further below in the Citadel, often outside on a terrace if the weather permitted or in a room that'd been decorated with artistic care to the guests' home country. Noctis waited to be introduced.

He could already tell this wasn't good just by the way his father sat down his utensils.

"I have something very important to tell you, Noctis, and I need you to believe everything I'm about to say," Regis took in a deep breath. "You might want to have a seat first."

Noctis drifted numbly to his chair, which Ignis was back at and had pulled out for him. He sat down cautiously, glanced at his advisor over his shoulder, and upon the received shrug, he turned back to his father.

"It would seem…we're not alone," said Regis, speaking carefully as he searched for the right words.

"Dad…that's kinda what happens when you're in a room full of people," Noctis smiled. "Unless you mean something other-worldly. In which case, did someone spot Gentiana again?"

"Listen, Noctis! This is important," his father uncharacteristically snapped. "You and I are not the last Caelums. This man," he gestured to the guest, "Is part of our family. His name is Ardyn Lucis Caelum."

A glass shattered.

As all eyes turned to Ignis, the chamberlain apologized profusely and left to get cleaning supplies.

At last, Noctis turned his attention completely to the newcomer and the man smiled widely and waved a hand. "Hi-ho!" he chirped, gold eyes gleaming. "I actually go by Ardyn Izunia now."

Noctis figured he must've been younger than his father of fifty, unless his magenta hair was dyed. That was probable considering his facial stubble was black. He was certainly older than forty, so if Noctis had to guess—

"I'm over two-thousand years old," the stranger helpfully supplied with an even bigger grin.

Another glass shattered.

"I am so terribly sorry!" Ignis blushed, crouching down to pick up the larger of the glass pieces. A trick of the light shielded his eyes behind his glasses. "What's gotten into me?"

"Never to fear, I do happen to have that sort of effect on people," Ardyn waved him off jovially. Turning his intense gaze back to the prince, he leaned forward and asked, "Would you care to know everything? All of it? I certainly don't mind. I've been dying to tell my story."

Did he have a choice? Without looking, Noctis could see his father was only lightly picking at his food and Ignis most certainly wasn't picking up the shattered teacups with any urgency. Everyone was clearly waiting for this moment. "Sure, go ahead. This ought to be good." He picked up a slice of banana bread and nibbled.

Sitting back to cross long legs, Ardyn inquired, "So…where to begin?"

"Two thousand years ago?" Noctis suggested.

"Ah, that would be best. Bravo, my fair prince!" Ardyn cheered, bowing his thanks.

Noctis too blushed at how grandiose it was. The man both unsettled him and intrigued him and he didn't like feeling so conflicted.

"Indeed our story starts over two-thousand years ago…back when Lucis was young. And so was I."

~.~.~

Ardyn Caelum was _born_ to act. He'd used the money from his parents' insurance upon their deaths to attend a liberal arts school all the way in Tenebrae. Left behind in Lucis was his little brother, Somnus, who continued to diligently tend to the family farm, his disapproval of his older brother no secret. Ardyn studied over three and a half years of theater before, right on the cusp of graduation, he quit. The act of quitting with the end so near was supposed to be art, he told his horrified brother after he returned home. The degree was a shackle, see? Having the degree was supposed to mean you'd made it, your acting was pre-approved. But to decline something that so many coveted, _that_ was true artistry!

No, Somnus did not get it. Even as the gentler of the two, it was all he could do to not tear into his older brother.

But Ardyn was determined to prove he'd made the right decision. That summer, he began to travel around Lucis under the guise of a healer. With the mysterious illness ravaging the world, many flocked to any assistance offered and he was more than happy to oblige. After months abroad, he would return home where his brother would refuse to touch what he called "blood money". Ardyn saw it as no consequence as there wasn't a cure regardless. Might as well give that money to someone who would put it towards a better cause: in his case, the building of a town theater!

One summer evening, shortly before nightfall, Ardyn came back from a trip to find the house empty. He started with the kitchen first and it proved to be the right choice. A folded letter had been placed on top of the fireplace, which still had a few burning coals. The letter was short and only informed that Somnus had chosen to move to Solheim, asking to not be followed. The farm was now Ardyn's responsibility; may that finally tame his wild and sinful ways.

Ardyn dashed the paper against his palm and threw it on the coals. Curse his brother! Always the perfect, good little boy. He never would've guessed that his brother would flee like that.

Just like he had.

He shook his head. No. He'd done nothing wrong. He'd _perfected_ himself overseas. What was there for a farm boy like Somnus across the Cygillian? Nothing, Ardyn decided, stepping out the back door to survey the fields in the dying light. His brother would find that there was nothing more to be found in Solheim than in Lucis and would soon come crawling back for the familiarity of home.

Standing in the midst of swaying wheat as dusk settled, he looked upon the seemingly endless acres of property. Those fields had been his first stage as he'd acted out the dramas he'd written himself, much to the delight of his brother. At some point though, Somnus had begun to turn his attention to reality while Ardyn remained firmly in the world of imagination. He allowed himself a moment of lament before making his decision.

He'd sell the farm! It was certainly worth a sizeable amount. And at long last, he'd have the money for his theater. In fact, he'd have enough for a second business venture; a school for the performing arts, something Lucis so desperately lacked. He could turn a profit in two ways. Maybe Somnus leaving was the best thing that could've happened.

And that's when the massive sword slammed into the ground in front of him. Missing by a mere five feet, it struck with a ringing crash that deafened him for nearly a minute afterwards and knocked him off his feet. He quickly scrambled backwards and when the dust had cleared, he bore witness to the strangest monstrosity ever seen by man.

It had the appearance of a dragon and stood well over a hundred stories tall on humanoid legs. It dressed in armor reminiscent of a knight with metallic golden wings. Long red ribbons flowed from the dark blue and gold suit. Ardyn didn't need to be told what this was; anyone would've guessed the same. One of the legendary Six had decided to bless him with an appearance.

About time!

The Astral held up a hand, though he first glanced at his palm before looking back at the human. "Are you…Somnus…Kai-ay-lum?" he sounded it out.

The voice was a deep garble, the language unintelligible to the ears. However, the translation was transmitted directly to his brain with no lag. Ardyn thought about the question for only a second. " _Kailum._ And yes I am. And you are…?"

The deity regained himself, curling the hand at his side. "I am the Astral, Bahamut. Somnus, we have had our Messengers keep watch on the humans for a long time and at last, they reported to us a human worthy of a special gift who lives here."

Messengers?

It was here Ardyn noticed the family dog sitting beside the creature, unnoticeable at first as a tiny spec not even as big as the Astral's pinky toe. It was a scruffy thing, black top coat with gray-white underneath. He couldn't remember his family ever actively getting the dog nor did they ever go out of their way to care for it, except for of course Somnus. The dog had been on the farm for as long as he could remember and somehow never seemed to age. Its unassuming appearance meant it was always a part of the background and except for throwing out scraps of food, no one else had paid it any mind. It was the family dog only because it'd chosen to hang around the farm and that was it. No name had ever been given.

But now, Ardyn could've smacked himself with how blinded to the obvious they'd all been. As he looked at the canine, he could see the real wisdom behind that dopey dog stare. In fact, the dog wasn't being dopey at all. It was scratching at the leg of the Astral, barking, at times turning to Ardyn and snarling. It knew the truth and was going to tattle. He'd have to find a way to silence the mutt.

As luck would continue to have it, Bahamut did it for him. With a snap of his fingers, the dog vanished with a whine. "Umbra's done his part very well but forgive us that we cannot allow him to stay with you. A Messenger that spends too much time on the mortal plane will become mortal and die. And so the same is said for us…" he added quietly.

Ardyn quirked an eyebrow.

"But today, on behalf of the Six, I would like to offer you something extraordinary, Somnus. For your selflessness and hard work, we wish to share with you the power of the Gods." He knelt down, only halving his massive height. The left hand uncurled again and when it opened, a large black gem the size of a carriage floated in the palm. One face of the stone had a tear-shaped scoop missing, exposing the inside. From within, a wonderful blue and purple light swirled, accented with darting white stars and a glowing aura.

Ardyn began to reach out to it…

"Additionally," Bahamut spoke again, snapping him to attention, "We ask that you take this ring and wear it always. It will allow you to command the power of the Crystal. We Other beings have come to refer to it as the Ring of the Lucii. As the new guardian of this country, nay, this world, you are the light and hope for Eos. I hereby dub thee Somnus Lucis Caelum. Please accept both for our gratitude in exchange for undertaking a very large burden."

The name was simply too perfect. Who knew sticking the name of the country in the middle was all it took to elevate it to such prestige? Ah, but yes, the Astral mentioned a catch. Ardyn should've been prepared; nothing this good came for free. "Ask me anything," he beseeched.

The Astral breathed out in a very human way, a long and heavy sigh. "By now, I'm certain you've heard of the plague ravaging the world. Our kind refers to it as Starscourge. We ask that you use the powers of the Crystal to help humanity. Despite that we may seem…indifferent, many of us do not wish to see humanity perish."

The lack of inclusion for all Six was not missed.

"You will go to those who have been tainted and as the Oracle, you shall heal them. Upon that cleansing, we will then crown you King of Lucis to protect this country. One day, a great evil will befall the world and a King of Light will be chosen to defeat it. He will need both the Crystal and Ring of the Lucii to accomplish this task. Until then, we ask the Caelum lineage to be the guardians of them."

Made a divine Oracle in a single night with immeasurable powers plus a promotion to king within a few years? Ardyn stopped from examining the ring he'd been handed and looked to Bahamut with a twisted grin. "Before I completely accept your offer, I must ask: why? Surely you _gods_ could cure the planet yourselves, no?" His distaste for the Astrals had never been something he'd had to hide. Many in Lucis didn't even believe in them, but Ardyn had never fallen completely into atheism. He felt instead the humans were simply ignored, no matter what the old legends proclaimed about humans and Astrals fighting together.

But to answer him, Bahamut rose from his crouched stance and turned his back, his long capes bowling over the endless waves of grain. "We prefer to help those who help themselves. However, even we know when humanity has been given a predicament that exceeds their abilities. It's only right for us to do our part."

Ardyn again raised a fine eyebrow. "You caused the Starscourge, didn't you?"

The Astral was shocked to silence before muttering, "It's all Titan's fault…he coughed on Eos and got everyone sick! All he had to do was cover his mouth! His penance was saving the world from that meteor." He looked into the distant west, where, it was theorized, Titan had caught a falling meteor that still burned to this day. Covering up the lapse, the Astral began to float up, his crystalized wings vibrating. "We will give you five years and afterwards will return to check on your progress. We understand that we've laid a large burden upon you, but he that will bear the crown of Lucis must be able to withstand at least this much. Speaking of which, one last thing…"

Ardyn relaxed his shoulders. "It can't be that bad."

And yet Bahamut looked away. "Using the Crystal will drain you of your life. It's the toll to use it."

The actor very nearly threw the Ring back at him. "And you don't think, perchance, that was important enough to mention a little sooner?"

But the god shrugged. "It was the only way to ensure the power would not be abused. Now if you'll excuse me, I must return. Five years, human. I shall visit again in that time." He left much the same way he arrived, in a in a flurry of dust and wind.

Ardyn looked down at the ring a moment before slipping it on his wedding finger. He wouldn't be marrying; a spouse would only slow him down. He had a much bigger goal to accomplish now and wanted nothing getting in his way.

"Let's get to work."

~.~.~

"Yeah, but all of this doesn't explain why you're in our house," Noctis cut in.

"Noctis!" said King Regis. "I know he's unbearably long-winded and painfully theatric but please, try to be strong! The story most certainly must be near the end…right?" he turned to Ardyn.

The magenta-haired man exhaled, setting down his cup. "I suppose I should make the rest quick though that makes for such a dull story. Fine, let us move on with act two…"


	12. The Ballad of Ardyn Izunia: Act II

**The Ballad of Ardyn Izunia: Act II**

For five years, Ardyn did exactly as the Astral had requested. Sequestering the Crystal down in the cellar of the house, he traveled the world truly healing anyone he could. He charged nothing for it; why have scraps when in just a few years, he'd be the lion feasting at the kill? Besides, he was given free food and lodging wherever he went for his services, something people were reluctant to do back when he was charging, figuring doctors must already be rich.

For five years, his life was a constant rush of motion until at last, in his late thirties, he once more returned back to the farm. It'd fallen into disrepair and he hadn't gotten around to selling it. Nor did he ever get around to building a theater. He was already playing the biggest role he could've ever imagined and it commanded all of his time.

He stepped onto the front porch all to find the front door already unlocked. Thieves!

Dropping his traveling sack, he crept through the house, once more starting with the kitchen. He pulled a fire poker out of the fireplace before laughing quietly at himself. He possessed the ability to instantly compress the bones of any target that threatened him. How pedestrian to use such a tool anyways. He sat the poker against a wall.

At the far end of the kitchen though, the back door was open and a noise could be heard…near the cellar. With genuine concern, he ran outside to see the basement doors open. His hand was already glowing with a Flame spell as he ran down the steps, but when he reached the bottom, shock snuffed the light out.

The Crystal shone so bright, the fire had been a pinprick in comparison. Standing right in front of the glow was Somnus. His brother's dark hair had grown out and he was taller than he remembered. But those eyes…those damn _pure_ eyes were still the same. His brother turned to him and the light made his blue eyes appear ethereal. "Ardyn…what _is_ this thing?"

"That?" Ardyn pointed.

Somnus blinked. "Yes, Ardyn. _This._ The giant crystal in the basement that wasn't here before."

"Oh, that! Haha! Well, that's a long story…"

"Yes, you're quite full of those," Noctis' bored voice interrupted the space.

"Hush, Noct!" said both Ignis and Regis.

"Ardyn, tell me now what this thing is or I swear I'll…I'll…!" Somnus searched for a big enough punishment, but came up empty. "What's going on? I leave for five years and come back to find the farm falling to pieces and you're hoarding a gemstone the size of a shed. I'm…worried about you, Ardyn. You've changed."

Aw, damn. Ardyn might've been an actor but it was Somnus who knew how to pull at his heartstrings. With no story big enough to explain the mythical gemstone in the basement, he spilled the truth…with a few alterations. He informed that the Astral had come to them due to their kindness to the family dog, which was a Messenger. This explained the dog's absence and the gifts given in return for the "kindness". It also kept him from having to tell of Bahamut searching specifically for his brother.

Somnus listened with child-like wonder, his eyes growing wide in innocent disbelief. "Wow, the gods really did that for us? Seems almost excessive considering all we did was care for a dog."

"Well, yes, though there is just one little caveat for both of these gifts," Ardyn held up a finger.

His brother grinned. "Isn't there always?"

"If anyone else tries to command the Ring without being a _descendent_ of the one it was given to, they will die."

The grin faded. "But…I thought it was for our family. For both of us. That…doesn't make sense that I can't use it." Somnus twisted his mouth, rubbing his smooth chin.

He was adorable when he was confused like this. Ardyn dutifully softened his eyes, putting a hand to his chest. "I know, I protested this too! I even told him I wouldn't take them if my brother couldn't share in such a gift. But the Astral said he would see it as disrespectful if I didn't accept the Crystal and the Ring and thus I had no choice! It's most unfair! I was forced to take them, you see! I couldn't disgrace the family and risk bringing a curse upon our house. Oh Somnus, this is the epitome of injustice!"

He snatched his little brother to him, hugging him tight. "Why must fate be so cruel! Apox upon you, you wretched fiends!" he cried, literally shaking a fist to the heavens.

Somnus wrenched free like a dog pulling its head out of a cone. "Alright, alright, that's enough! So. You have powers that only you and your kids can use. Unfair but I'll accept it. What have you been up to then, these past five years? Clearly not doing farm work," his brother said lightly, the hurt already gone. His smile came back, genuinely happy for his brother.

Back upstairs and in the kitchen, Ardyn regaled him with tales of his journey as the newly elected Oracle. His brother looked nothing but pleased to see the selfish ways of his older sibling abandoned. He would accept the loss of being able to use the Ring and Crystal if it meant his brother turning over a new leaf like this.

But the five years were up. It was why Ardyn had returned, as the fifth anniversary was tomorrow. It was imperative he was the one who spoke to the Astrals.

Bright and early the next morning, the rooster that heralded the dawn with its voice was outdone by the sound of an explosion slamming to the earth. The bird scattered for safety as the Astral followed after his thrown sword in a warp-strike. Not bothering to rise, he remained there on one knee until the humans came out.

Ardyn rushed outside first, not having slept at all and still wearing his outfit from before. Somnus was slower, palming sleep from his eyes as he shuffled out in a bathrobe. He froze upon seeing the bulk of the god, his eyes slowly rising up and up until he reached the top. He blinked. "Astral?"

"Human?"

And Somnus fainted.

"Hello again!" Ardyn quickly spoke, stepping over his brother's body. "Good day and good tidings!"

"And same to you, Somnus," said Bahamut.

"…Wha'about me?" Somnus said weakly from the ground.

Ardyn cast his brother a dark look, willing him to stay down. "So! Has it been five years already? Time certainly flies when you're off healing as the Oracle! Ah, but I assume I will be relinquishing that title today…?" He forced himself to not openly wipe the sweat on his brow.

Similar to the last visit, Bahamut grew hesitant, looking away toward the rising sun. "It seems…I made a mistake."

Fuck.

"It was the Nox Fleuret family of Tenebrae that was to be the Oracle," he said with evident embarrassment; Ardyn's heart began to beat again. The Astral informed, "I didn't catch it until I returned back above from the last visit. By then, it was too late; Ramuh reckoned I should let you continue as Oracle for now as the one that was chosen was just an infant at the time. She is now five and is old enough to grasp the beginnings of what she's to become."

Ardyn nodded in approval. "Quite considerate, you Astrals are. Yes, being Oracle is not a job to take lightly, these past five years have taught me. I have enjoyed it, but I am more than happy to bequeath the title to another if you so wish it." He bowed grandly, as though he were a servant and not the one about to become a king.

"Yes, you _will_ be doing that, Ardyn. Along with giving the Ring to your brother," replied a female voice.

A flash of light blinded the landscape and at once, the weather was both cold, hot, wet and then dry as each new Astral revealed themselves. Before visibility could be restored, there was another crack and when the light faded, Bahamut stood rubbing his bowed head, dragon tail tucked between his legs. Ramuh was polishing his staff on his robes, examining it for any damage after the strike while the other Astrals shook their heads in disappointment at their supposed leader.

Leviathan turned away with contempt. "You can be sure I'll never wind up with a man as useless as this!" She panned an eye to include Titan and Ifrit in her statement. Both wisely looked away, her power being the antithesis to both of theirs.

But it was Shiva who had spoken first. She descended to the ground surrounded by her spritely entourage, each step a puddle of frost. Ardyn backed away from her, instantly tripping over his brother's body. "No! No! It's mine! You gave it to me! You promised I would become—"

"Silence," she whispered, touching a finger to his lips. As he solidified to ice, she reached down and removed the ring right before the fingers froze over. She stooped before Somnus, taking his hand and placing the ring on him. For a long moment, all was still, even the Astrals becoming immovable statues. Shiva wondered if they yet again had it wrong until the ring began to flicker violently before exploding with a misty light, silver crystals dancing in the brilliance. It surrounded Somnus and at last, he woke up, willing himself not to faint again at the sight of the Six.

"…Am I dead?" he figured he'd ask.

They laughed softly. "No, this is your rebirth," Shiva answered.

Somnus laughed a little himself. "That sounds like something my brother would say." Then he noticed his brother, frozen solid. "What happened to him?" He asked it mildly, with no distress, as though it were no big deal that his brother was an ice sculpture. It must've been the Light keeping him calm.

It was the wizened Ramuh who answered: "Karma."

"I don't understand."

This time Ifrit spoke up, sighing a cloud of smoke. "Your brother stole what was yours. It was you who we had chosen as…the Chosen. We realized _someone_ screwed up when we began to feel a concentration of darkness building in him over the years. Your brother impersonated you for the Crystal's powers. Tch! And yet everyone wonders why I hate humans, greedy, selfish bastards, all of them…"

The rest easily tuned Ifrit out. Picking back up, Shiva informed, "We sent Messengers to Eos in search of a worthy vessel of the Crystal's powers and found that you, Somnus, were exactly what we were looking for."

"Me?" Somnus pointed at his chest.

The Six nodded.

He shuffled his slippered feet. "I don't know if I'm the guy that's best for the job. Didn't you just pick someone to be the Oracle?"

"The Oracle, yes. But Lucis needs a leader, a King. We have chosen you." Here, Shiva knelt with an arm across her chest. Her sprites joined her on the ground, copying her position and one by one, each of the Astrals bowed or nodded to him.

Somnus bit his lip and looked away. "What if I refuse?"

"We're gonna have to ask that you don't," Ifrit said, beaming him with a fiery eye. "It's already been written by fate."

"But aren't you the ones who write our fates?"

The fire Astral smirked. "That's right and we're not re-writing it again. This is the plot we all agreed on so we're sticking to it."

Leviathan cut in. "Can we please finish this? I swear I can feel myself becoming… _mortal_." She shivered in repulsion. "Bahamut! Come on, let's wrap this up!"

"About damn time!" The Chosen One said in the dining room. His father kicked him under the table.

On the farm, Bahamut rose and walked forward, quickly growing smaller. The metal plating seemed to vanish into his skin and the red streamers dissolved into ruby flakes of light. The armor was replaced with a slim black robe fashioned for ceremonies.

The only feature that still remained of his original form were the horns though otherwise, Bahamut looked relatively human and youthful, perhaps only mid-twenties. Similarly, many of the remaining Astrals also adopted a humanoid form; a mermaid for Leviathan, a horned human for Ifrit and the figure that would later be known as Gentiana for Shiva. Only Ramuh and Titan kept their original shape, though scaled down closer to human height.

Their leader took Somnus' hands, holding them in his own, and the human blushed; the pose suggested they should've been trading vows. And in a way, they were. Bahamut spoke: "I grant thee the power of Light, to fight the Darkness and dispel the Blight!"

"Wrong person again!" The Astrals corrected.

"Sorry! Sorry, just…give me a moment…" Bahamut looked down at his palm, much as he had the first time he appeared five years ago. "Okay, got it! Ahem. I crown thee the Founder King, protecting Lucis with Crystal and Ring!"

Hearing his words, the aforementioned Ring glowed again, giving a pulse of confirmation. Once it faded, Bahamut let go of the hands. "I believe that's pretty much it. Right?" he asked the others.

The group nodded.

"Right. Well then, we'll be up there, if you need any—"

The others frantically shook their heads.

"No? Oh. Okay. Well…we'll call you, don't call us," Bahamut patted the new king on the head, moving back towards the others. As a collective, they began to rise and like a cluster of shooting stars, they soon were gone.

What the hell had just happened? Somnus put a hand to his forehead, almost wishing that all of this was just a dream. But as though to mock his efforts to deny the truth, there Ardyn sat, still frozen in a pose of almost exaggerated shock. Going inside the house, Somnus came back out with a thick blanket. He shuffled his brother onto it and dragged him into the house, placing him in front of the fireplace.

All that day, Ardyn thawed. Sometime during the night, he stole away, taking nothing with him and leaving only wet footprints to the door. That would mark Ardyn's final day of humanity, cursed as an immortal for his deceit.

~.~.~

"And so, here I am, two thousand years later, asking my only remaining family to take pity on me." Ardyn clenched a hand over his chest, head gracefully bowed as the tragic victim of the play. He even sniffled a little.

"No," said Noctis.

"But of course!" said Regis.

"Dad!"

"Noct?"

Had his father listened to the same story he had? Scamming people out of money? The Astrals sensing darkness in him? The man was a liability if there ever was one! "May I speak with you privately?" he tried.

"Anything you want to say, you may say it in front of Uncle Ardyn," Regis said firmly.

Uncle?! "Over my dead body!" Noctis snapped and pushed away from the table.

As he stomped away, Ardyn called, "Please don't jest!" And under his breath: "That can be arranged."

At the same time the dining room door slammed, yet another cup was shattered.


	13. The Ballad of Ardyn Izunia: Act III

Considering I started this story arc shirking Ardyn's actual history, I'm going to be doubling down on that. There might be some overlap to a small degree but we're going to ride the wave with the plot of the last two chapters. Besides, Ardyn's actual story just infuriates me at Bahamut but we shan't travel that road.

* * *

 **The Ballad of Ardyn Izunia: Act III**

"Okay, so we're all gathered and accounted for. What the hell was so important that I had to catch a cab here because you couldn't say it over the phone?" Prompto asked with a rare hint of irritation. Beside him on a sofa in Noctis' room was Gladiolus and standing by the window was Ignis, watching as a cold rain poured down.

Before speaking, Noctis got up from the bed and checked outside his room. There were guards at the end of the hallway but otherwise, no one was in sight. Closing the door, he tip-toed over and stage-whispered, "I have an uncle."

Prompto and Gladio looked at each other before shrugging at the prince. "Yeah, we know. Your mom had siblings too, I read it on Wikipedia."

For a moment, Noctis wondered what it'd be like to have a life that couldn't just be instantly read on the internet. "No, not the one stabbed by a spiracorn—"

"'Gored George', was it?" Ignis asked.

Gladio snickered. "I read he wanted to be one with nature. Looks like his exact wish came true."

"Guys, that's not the uncle I'm talking about!" Noctis snapped. "And leave Gored Uncle George alone, you know neither side of my family has the best of sense! No, I have an uncle on my dad's side."

His Shield gave a low whistle and grinned. "Wow, King Mors got around, huh?"

But Prompto bit his lip and stared at his friend in concern. "Does this mean that when King Regis dies, this uncle will take the throne instead of you?"

Noctis shook his head. "That's what I think his plans are but he's not my grandfather's son. He's…over two-thousand years old."

He expected to hear something shatter, like with Ignis. When not only nothing broke, but his friends just shrugged their shoulders in acceptance, he knew his family was on the far end of the Odd spectrum. He told them Ardyn's story, condensing it down whenever possible.

"Hey, Noct…didn't we learn about him in school?" Prompto asked, scrunching his eyes as he struggled to think. "I kind of remember our history teacher saying some historians disputed that Somnus was an only child. There was also an old script for a play found at a university in Tenebrae written by a name that looked like Ardyn Caelum, but it's now mysteriously disappeared and many say the name wasn't completely legible. The kingdom has always insisted Somnus never had a brother."

A script for a play that mysteriously disappeared? Then did each subsequent line of Caelums actually know about Ardyn and worked to suppress knowledge of him? Or was that just a coincidence and only Somnus, "the good farm boy", was responsible for erasing all mention of his tainted brother? To find out, he would have to talk to Ardyn.

"Thanks for that info, Prompto," Noctis responded, standing up. "For now though, let's just shadow him. He's hidden away for two-thousand years, there's got to be a reason he's chosen to pop up now and I want to know why."

~.~.~

On one of the floors closer to the ground level, Prompto peeked around a corner into a cafeteria. It predominately served as the area where the Glaives would eat and he had donned his own Glaive uniform to better fit in. Currently the room was relatively empty, save for the workers and his target. The man was smiling over a menu posted to the wall that announced today's options of a breaded pork ramen bowl, compliments of Insomnia's inspiration from Tokyo, or a wedge of pizza made with inspiration from New York. After all of this was over, Prompto planned to descend upon a helping of both; Noctis' summons had interrupted him from lunch.

Making his choice, Ardyn asked for the ramen and the cafeteria worker ladled it into a bowl and placed it on his tray. As the man made his way down the line, requesting other things to be added, Prompto watched as each person continued to look on after Ardyn, smiling pleasantly. If the guy had been in theater, was he just that good at making small talk that it left others spellbound?

But then one of the workers called out, "Though you're new, will you be training with the other Glaives today?"

To which Ardyn responded, "Not today, I'm afraid! General Drautos was only showing me around but welcomed me to sample Insomnia's cuisine. It looks scrumptious, thank you, ladies!" The women swooned and he swooped off to a table.

General Drautos? Prompto certainly recognized the name; it was his own commanding officer back when he was training. But Ardyn didn't even look like a Glaive, why would that woman ask that? "Something's not adding up…" Prompto declared and left to report his findings.

~.~.~

After lunch, Ardyn left the cafeteria with an encore of gratitude and a responding chorus of passionate sighs. In the hallway, he made his way to a large building directory etched into the wall. After examining it for some time, he smiled and gave a satisfied nod, heading next to the elevators. Once the man boarded, Gladio sprang out from behind the potted plant he'd been peeping from and watched where the elevator stopped: the top floor, the throne room.

Shit.

Getting in the elevator next to the one that Ardyn took, he pulled out his phone and dialed his father. "Dad, do you know where the King is at?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing!" Clarus shouted and in the background a group of voices could be heard yelling directions and suggestions at each other. "He's done another disappearing act!"

Damnit, Regis! "Well, look, not sure if he's told you about his newest guest but Noct thinks the guy has intentions of killing the King. If you find him, tell him to stay away from the throne room! That's where it looks like this guy is headed."

In a dimmer voice, Clarus shouted to the room, "Make sure you check the rafters! We know now he likes to hide there! And check building B, he likes to schedule fake doctor's visits at the clinic. And if you search his personal quarters, be warned he likes to wander in the nude! Only the men go inside." Back to Gladio, he said, "I can do that much…if I can find him. But you ensure the prince doesn't go starting anything. He might be the next leader but you're his Shield; you protect him so that he doesn't have to fight." Then the phone went dead.

Gladio put his phone away and flexed his fingers. "Yeah, I know, Dad," he muttered, trying to not dwell on the fact that their foe had been alive for over two millennia; this wasn't going to be an easy fight, but he'd do whatever he could to protect the royal family.

When the elevator reached the top, he sprang out, the great sword materializing the instant he had the space. He darted past the stationed Crownsguard and into the Hall of History, the waiting area outside the throne room. The room was filled with multiple paintings featuring the Astrals and parked in front of the largest of them was Ardyn.

"Hey, you!" Gladio roared up to him, grabbing the man's scarf. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

A man usually of many words, Ardyn actually found himself speechless for a moment. He looked between Gladio's hand, the curious but not threatening Crownsguard in the room and then back to Gladio himself. "I'm sorry…is it a _crime_ to want to look at art?"

Gladio pulled them face to face. "It is when their name is _Ardyn Lucis Caelum,"_ he said between clenched teeth.

Arydn was unfazed, a light sparkling in his eyes. "Ahh, you must've spoken with the prince! And my glamour doesn't work on you, I see. The one with four eyes was the one that revealed I might use a disguise, am I right?"

The Shield sneered a smile. "Iggy's pretty smart that way but no, our boy Prompto tipped us off."

"Was that the name of the one following me? With looks like that, he sticks out instantly. Too bad he chose to waste his looks on the military; he'd be an absolute angel on the stage! Maybe if he's looking for a career switch, I can make him my understudy," Ardyn said thoughtfully, but then snapped his attention back. "Well then, I guess the gig is up! Though I assure you I had no ill-will with this form. I merely found it convenient for going to otherwise reserved areas…like this one."

The hand on him grew tighter.

"No, no, you misunderstand, really!" Ardyn held his hands up. "I meant, normally tours have to be booked to come up here, correct? Well, touring when surrounded by hundreds of people cheapens the experience! And then there's always a guide _talking_ and _explaining_ everything, instead of you being able to look and feel for yourself. Take that painting for example!"

Gladio didn't let go as he turned marginally to see the massive portrait of the Founding King being blessed by the Oracle with the Astrals watching. At the bottom of the painting, seven swords pointed outward toward the hoard of deamons crawling below. "Yeah, your point?"

"Well, what you see might be an inspiring scene of the birth of this kingdom," Ardyn said pleasantly; his next words became several degrees cooler. "But all I see is my birthright being stolen from me. It was I who should've been crowned, not Somnus!"

As he spoke, a shimmering haze came over Ardyn's body, finished by a gust of dark miasma that pushed Gladio back several steps. Feeling the rush of air, the Crownsguard looked over and did a double-take. The guise of being a Glaive had been lifted and they began to advance this time, weapons drawn. "Sir, you're not authorized to be here!"

"Oh, that couldn't be any further from the truth!" Ardyn said, and with a second dark gust, the guards collapsed and lay still. When Gladio raised his sword up, he held up a hand again to still him. "Relax, they're only sleeping. Do put that away, you're making me nervous!" Ardyn traipsed around the fallen men, sauntering to the doors of the throne room.

This time, Gladio threw the sword, the large blade piercing both of the doors to keep them shut. "You're gonna have to kill me before I ever let you go in there," he snarled, conjuring the Genji Blade, Cor's sword awarded to him by Gilgamesh.

Ardyn threw back his head and laughed. "Why do you people tempt me so! I've been alive for _two-thousand years!_ Do you truly believe you can stop me?"

"I'll be happy to die trying!" Gladio yelled and ran forward but braked when Ardyn again surrounded himself with the dark mist.

"Careful there, you wouldn't want me to touch you when I'm like this," the would-be king teased, holding a palm of the smoke in his hand and examining it lovingly. "I can daemonify others, if I so choose." He snapped his hand closed and the smoke vanished. "Which I don't. If a fight is what you wanted, then I'm sorry to disappoint."

The traveler turned around and touched the great sword embedded in the door. The blade glowed red and then dissolved completely. When he heard Gladio gasp behind him, he said over his shoulder, "The powers of the Crystal never quite left me, so that which was created by the Crystal can also be materialized and dematerialized by me as well. Further proof that I rightfully am royalty…"

Too astonished to stop him, he watched as the doors were pulled open. Striding inside, the first thing Ardyn's eyes fixed on was the purple stone glowing at the top of the stairs, the center still carved out and swirling with a galactically brilliant light. Just below it was the throne where Regis was actually sitting, looking positively bored.

"Excuse me, have either of you seen my Council? They told me to be here at two but no one else showed up! And they say _I_ don't know the meaning of punctuality!" The king fumed, crossing his arms.

Coming back to himself, Gladio responded, "Dad told me you were missing again! You mean you've actually been here the whole time?"

Regis clicked his teeth in the way he usually reproached Noctis for. "I'm not _that_ unreliable!"

"Yeah, you actually are," his son's Shield informed him.

Even Ardyn had to give a nod. "You probably should've banished me to some remote island like Angelgard but instead, you asked me to stay longer!"

Regis began to blush, pulling at his cowl. "Fine then, I won't be so nice anymore."

"Now we both know that's a lie, it's just your nature," the redhead smiled. "And if I may take advantage of your charity one more time, I have a request."

Proving his point, the king beamed at him and responded, "Anything."

"A simple request for one such as yourself," Ardyn flattered. "Please summon Somnus here. I need to have a word with my little brother."


	14. The Ballad of Ardyn Izunia: Act IV

**The Ballad of Ardyn Izunia: Act IV**

At that moment, a yell of "There you are!" was heard near the doors and then a flash of blue closed the distance. Ignis and Prompto were right behind Noctis, each with weapons drawn. "Get the hell away from my father!" Noctis said with every ounce of authority he could manage.

Ardyn wasn't impressed. "What is it with this country and wanting to kill first, ask questions later? Is a man not allowed a fair trial before his execution? And you can stop pointing that sword at me, little nephew, I've already shown your Shield how they have no effect on me."

Noctis looked over and saw that Gladio indeed wasn't using his usual great sword but instead the one awarded him by Gilgamesh. Even that though wasn't held with much conviction. He dissolved away the Engine Blade and in turn, Ignis and Prompto also vanished away their weapons. "What _are_ you after, then? Why did you come here?"

Ardyn sighed. "I do hate having to repeat myself. I've asked your father to summon my brother. Are we all on the same page now? Good."

But Noctis shook his head in frustration. "No, not this room, to Insomnia! You've had two millennia, why _now_ are you showing up?"

His uncle gave a chortle, shaking his head sadly at the prince. "I assure you, this is not the first time I've shown myself to your family—my family! I've shown myself to every single generation, all 113 successions. I'm usually turned away at the gates and called a raving lunatic when I inform I too am a Caelum, which is ironic considering the famed lunacy of our family. Your father just so happens to also have a fatalistic dose of blind trust. That's the reason why I'm here now; your father is the only one who's accepted me."

" _Ardyyyyn_ , but of _course_ I would accept you!" Regis cooed, hands placed over his heart. "Mi casa, su casa!"

"Not always a good thing, Dad!" Noctis admonished. Back to Ardyn, he said, "And what did you mean by summoning your brother? We can't revive the dead! Unless…no way!"

A red eyebrow was raised. "Yes?"

"Not the Old Wall! The Astrals told us never to summon them unless it's an absolute emergency," Noctis said gravely.

"Yeah, well, the Astrals can go suck it. They're the reason I'm in this mess," Ardyn muttered without his usual flair. Turning back to the father, he asked, "So! One order of Somnus, please?"

Regis gave a nod. "Your wish is my command!"

The Ring of the Lucii flickered brightly before a plume of white mist and crystal shards erupted out, blinding the room. When at last it cleared, a new dark-haired young man stood in the room, conjured mysteriously in the way Ardyn last remembered him. Somnus examined his hands, then put them to his face. "I'm alive? And I'm young again! But why am I wearing these filthy peasant clothes…?"

"Wrong thing to be worried about," said Ardyn before socking his brother in the face. Noctis and his retinue ran up to restrain him but Ardyn didn't push forward the attack. "That's for stealing my inheritance and then having the nerve to never grant me an audience!"

Somnus rubbed his cheek, tears filling his blue eyes. "…Brother? You're also alive! Oh, thank Astrals! I thought you'd gone and drank yourself to death back in Tenebrae! I figured it a cruel joke when I was told you wanted to see me! I hadn't seen you in so long." He stood up again, still rubbing his cheek. "I'm so happy you're well! But…I could've sworn I died. I'm back to being thirty again. You too look like you haven't aged. Are we…in the Beyond?"

Ardyn cast him a glare that came with a rising sinister mist. "How I _wish_ I could reach the Beyond! No, that privilege was barred from me when you stole what should've been mine!"

Somnus bit his lip, looking away. "If I took anything from you, Brother, I'm truly sorry. But please, don't look at me with those burning eyes! I cannot stand to see your wrath."

Aww, damn, there he went again with that sheep-like meekness. Ardyn almost relented, but he knew the real Somnus now, probably the only person in the world who did. "Cut the crap, Somnus, acting is my job."

And like a veil falling away, Somnus' visage instantly became harder, the innocence blotted out. The rags from his farming days were now replaced with the blue and black robe he wore as a king. "Worth a shot," he announced, his deeper voice almost unrecognizable. "So, what's all this about taking what was yours?"

"Lucis!" Ardyn shouted. "This country was to have been mine! I fulfilled the contract as Oracle and the throne was to go to me as a reward."

"You were only given those powers because Bahamut is an incompetent fool!" Somnus laughed boldly. "And the Crystal and Ring were always destined to be mine for being nice to that mongrel, Umbra."

"You're a farce of a king!" Ardyn roared, slashing a daemonic hand through the air. "When given the chance of redemption, I actually saved people! I took their aliments and made them my own! And what did you do? Why not tell everyone here, your family, what you really did! Let them know the truth about their wonderful Founder King!" The older brother spread his hands out, giving his sibling the floor.

Somnus' eyes cast warily around the room but were quickly pulled first to Noctis. In the silence that fell, they could hear him draw in a breath. He took a step toward the prince, a great effort needed to move his suddenly heavy feet. "Oh, my…you look so much like my son…" He reached out a hand and touched Noctis' cheek. "What is your name?"

"Noctis," the prince replied quietly, also staring back. If he'd had an older brother, he could imagine this is what they'd look like. "Noctis Lucis Caelum."

A light of pride radiated Somnus' face. "A very good name. A strong name. I can tell you wear it well."

Noctis felt his face go red. "I try."

Somnus' eyes then went to Gladio. "An Amacitia? My, the resemblance to my Shield, Gilgamesh, is uncanny. How long has it been…since I…?"

"Two millennia," Gladio responded, eyes wide at finding out that his family went back that far, and that the fearsome Gilgamesh was his own ancestor. Wait until his father and Iris heard this! "I guess we've been by the king's side since the beginning."

Somnus gave a quiet nod of appreciation. "Thank you for that." He next turned his eyes to Ignis, instantly grinning. "I see the Scientia's have also endured. I was amazed when my own advisor announced he was getting married and even more shocked when he informed he was going to have a son. All of the Scientia's have the personality of a wooden board and charisma as plain as vanilla but they make the best chamberlains, bar-none."

Ignis flushed when the room snickered. "I'll show your head a wooden board…" he grumbled an empty promise.

The first king then looked over Prompto. He blinked, then quickly took a step back in alarm. "Basithia?! But I thought you served the Aldercapt family? Has Solheim finally fallen or are you a traitor to your people? Or…" He stepped back closer, giving a sly grin. "Are you a double agent? I did many a battle with your ancestors so forgive me if I'm suspicious."

Prompto honestly had no idea what he was talking about but he'd already been informed by his adoptive father the nature of his birth and the hidden barcode on his wrist. Feelings of worthlessness and depression began to well within him at not being able to be instantly praised the way the others were. He didn't have a noble family name to give credence to his loyalty—or rather, he did…just for the wrong country.

But Noctis suddenly stepped beside him. "He's my best friend and I trust him with my life," he declared, putting a hand on Prompto's shoulder. "I don't care if he's from Niflheim or Mars, I wouldn't replace him for the world." He smiled at his friend and the blond swallowed hard, blinking fast.

Somnus gave a strong, contemptuous sniff before turning away. "Suit yourself." At last, he cast his gaze up, his eyes, like his brother's first alighting on the Crystal. Satisfied that it was still being protected, he then focused on Regis, who'd pulled out his cellphone. "And you must be the current King. What is your name, great-grandchild of mine?"

"Regis," Regis answered distractedly, still staring at the phone.

"And what's that contraption you're holding?"

"A cellphone. You should know I'm recording all of this. I want my Shield to believe me when I tell him I can talk to dead people."

Somnus wrinkled his nose at him. "I see Solheim has spread their wicked technology to the rest of the world," he completely dismissed.

"And are you going to tell them the real way you "resolved" the Starscourge?" Ardyn drew his brother's attention again. "Or do I have to?"

Somnus shrugged, examining a nail. "I did what I had to do, and clearly it worked. This country is still standing." Looking up and panning the room again, he informed, "I burned the infected."

The room exploded with an onslaught of condemnation. Somnus waited patiently for the yapping to quiet down before asking with force, "And tell me, has a cure been found for the Scourge, hm? Two millennia should've given Eos more than enough time!"

"Lunafreya Nox Fleuret has been curing the sick since she was a child!" Noctis said proudly of his fiancée. "She's not had to burn anyone!"

But Somnus gave him a stare of amused incredulity. "You…truly believe that's a fix? Ha! I'm surprised the Fleuret's are still around, what with the suicidal occupation of Oracle. Suicidal…and genocidal!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Noctis seethed.

"The Oracle absorbs the Scourge into their body, harboring it, bringing about their own early death. But where does that Scourge go when they die? Even the Oracle cannot purify it. Upon their death, it's released back into the air to infect new hosts, to kill more people."

"No damn way…" Gladio mumbled. The others in the room looked sick.

"Precisely," said Somnus. "And so, I took those infected with the Scourge to a remote location and burned them to protect the rest of the world. Actually, that's not quite accurate; I lead them to a room that was enclosed except for a ceiling made of glass. Those afflicted with the Scourge cannot handle sunlight and so they were killed by exposure. The Scourge remained within and in time, no new cases of the sickness were reported. I cured my people."

"Yes, you 'cured' them alright, like a slab of meat," Ardyn spat. "The Scourge is still around so it didn't work! All those deaths for nothing."

Somnus's eyes became wide with demented fervor, another switch flipping. "That's because the Oracles are still spreading it! If we wish to completely stop the Scourge, the entire Fleuret line must be killed!"

"Gentlemen, behold, the true Somnus Lucis Caelum!" Ardyn crowed, clapping his hands as another roar of protests erupted in the room. " _This_ is the man the Astrals chose to be king!"

"Yes, because _I_ had the guts to do what needed to be done!" retorted Somnus. "Starting with your college plaything, Aera."

The air felt like it was sucked out of Ardyn's lungs. "What did you say?"

For the first time, a hint of remorse crept into the steel blue eyes. "In the midst of the outbreak, when things were at their worst, she came to me to find out your whereabouts. This was before you made your appeal to me. She said she'd wanted to find you sooner but didn't know where you lived. When my name rose to prominence, she finally had an address to check."

"But I only saw her visit as the perfect opportunity to end their line. However, if you remember, I wasn't completely…lucid…when the Astrals were speaking to you the day I was crowned. I had only caught that the first powers of the Oracle were given to the Fleuret's and assumed that meant the current head of the family. I missed that the Oracle was actually a five year old child. I…slew Aera, but it was really her daughter, your daughter, who was chosen."

Ardyn turned away from him, covering his mouth. "You're lying…Oh, Somnus, tell me you're lying…"

"I'm sorry, Brother. Had I known—"

"You would've killed my _daughter_ instead?!" Ardyn thundered.

"I could've spared an innocent life," sighed Somnus. "But don't act like you cared so much for that woman. You hit it and quit it, don't become noble now."

Ardyn flushed at his brother's crude words but he couldn't completely rebuke him; Aera had been just a fling. But had he known she was pregnant with his child… "Wait, are you sure the girl is mine?"

His brother gave a rather casual shrug. "Aera said so before she died and the timeline matches up. You left Tenebrae and first pretended to heal people for nearly a year...nine months, actually. Then you really were the Oracle for five years. Afterwards, the Astrals announced they're giving the powers to a five year old girl that just so happens to have been born to the woman you'd been with. Aera would've had to have been with someone either right before you or right after and something tells me she was too pious to have done that. I didn't know of the girl until after…after I stabbed her. No one knew I did it and so her death in Lucis remained a mystery. After I realized what I'd done, I traveled to Tenebrae for the funeral where I saw the child. The girl looked mostly like her mother, except for her strawberry-blonde hair."

Ardyn shook his head miserably. He fell silent for a while and the room remained respectfully quiet. At last he asked, "What was her name? My daughter's?"

"Nova. Nova Clara Fleuret."

Ardyn's old memory vaguely remembered a Nova, but not as a girl but as a woman. She'd been just another Fleuret to him, nothing noteworthy. Oh, if only he'd known…

"If you weren't already dead, I'd kill you right now," he hissed to Somnus.

"Which would solve nothing," the late king informed, his imperious attitude beginning to return. "Even if you'd been crowned, I doubt there's anything different that you could've done that would've yielded permanent results."

"Requesting the Oracle die in a room similar to the one you created would've contained the Scourge," Ardyn countered. "Though, contrary to your belief, Lucis was not rid of it. Those infected just learned to hide away from you; surely you didn't think the scores of missing people would go unnoticed?"

Somnus shook his head in disgust. "Absolute selfishness! Humans would rather cling to their doomed existence than to give it for the betterment of the world!"

"Perhaps. But that's where I come in." Ardyn held up a palm of swirling miasma and a ripple of tension ran through the room. "When their pain became too great and the Oracle was too far, I became their savior. I might not be the actual Oracle anymore, but I do still have access to the powers of the Crystal. Perhaps 'incompetent Bahamut' forgot to take them back and now, I've manifested them into something all my own…"

"How?!" Somnus demanded. "I thought only those that were direct descendants of the one it'd been given to could use its powers!"

"Somnus. I lied."

"I believed you!"

"Well, that _is_ the purpose of a lie…"

"Damnit, this changes everything…!" Somnus began to pace back and forth. "You were found unfit to be king and do not deserve those powers!" Suddenly he turned to Gladio. "You there, Amacitia! I command you to slay my brother!"

Gladiolus stared between each of the two, unable to decide which deserved to be struck down first. "I oughta kill both of you," he grunted, beginning to lift his sword.

To which Ardyn pointed out, "You can't kill that which is already dead and that which refuses to die. But no worries, I'll handle this."

He vanished on the spot into a cloud of black fog and when he rematerialized, he'd thrown Somnus to the ground with a hand around his throat. His eyes were glowing, golden irises surrounded by pools of ink, and his face was rotted away by the Scourge, a daemon that'd been masquerading as a human.

"It's time you finally got what you deserved, murderer! For two-thousand years, death has eluded me. You have no _idea_ of the hell I have endured! Unable to form any meaningful relationships lest my true nature is found out, only able to exist on the fringe of society. It's…! It's been...lonely. Absolutely lonely." A black tear fell down onto Somnus' startled face. "And that's why I'm so happy that now, I'll have you by my side."

Somnus began to scream as his humanity was eaten away.

* * *

Ardyn having a daughter was not planned. This chapter was almost finished when I decided I'd toss in Aera to at least have a little more relevance back to the true events. But I needed a reason for her to show up and over five years had passed since my Ardyn had been in Tenebrae. Five years...and the powers of the Oracle were given to a five year old in my story. Without meaning to, the pieces happened to fit together, and so Nova Clara Fleuret was born. Nova (star), Clara (bright) and Fleuret (flower), or "the flower that shines like a star." I may never fully utilize this character, but coming up with her was fun regardless.


	15. The Big Picture

I will be the first to admit that this whole arc has spun out of control. Ardyn (and Somnus, by extension) was only supposed to be a featurette in this whole story but now, they've morphed into their own thing. But…it's all still relevant. _A Family Malady_ has become intergenerational. And when I think of that, it makes me love this story more.

* * *

 **The Big Picture**

It only took seconds for the transformation to be complete. Once finished, Ardyn pulled back and even yanked his brother up by the hand, helping him to stand unsteadily. "Now we're truly brothers again! How do you feel?"

Somnus coughed black plasmodia into his hands and shuddered. "Just fantastic. Was this…what the Astrals did to you? You've really been like this for two-thousand years?"

Ardyn nodded solemnly. "Yes. You can understand my outrage now."

But his brother shook his head. "No, this looks like overkill! Your beef is with the Astrals, I didn't do anything!"

"The scores you burned alive?" Noctis pointed out.

Somnus rounded on him. "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't build a hospital for the sick and infirm of Starscourge! You know, the disease that _has no cure_ and is extremely infectious! Caging them would've still been seen as inhumane anyways. And if I just left them be, then healthy people would've become sick. I was damned no matter what action I took, so I went with the most swift and merciful solution. How about a 'thank you, Somnus'?"

From the top of the stairs, Regis called, "I think we get the point. Lucis was facing some very hard times back then and you did what you could. Ardyn, is there any way we could let bygones be bygones?"

"No," Ardyn said flatly, even folding his arms. "If I'm going to be stuck on this mortal plane forever as an immortal being, I wish to have company."

His younger brother clicked his teeth and rolled his eyes in an exact replica of Noctis. "You couldn't have revived Aera for this?! A woman you could be with instead of your _brother_?"

"That's kinda fucked up," Prompto told him. "She's completely innocent."

"But I kinda agree with his point," Gladio said, rubbing his chin hairs.

The members of his entourage glared at him. Gladio gasped and took a step back. "Hey, if I'm going to spend all eternity on Eos, my first pick of a companion wouldn't be Iris! I'm gonna pick me a lady that wouldn't mind daemonic coitus."

"Oh my Six, please say nothing more!" yelled Ignis as everyone in the room gagged.

Somnus composed himself first, shouting out, "This is the Astrals' fault! Even if you did impersonate me, Brother, you still fulfilled your duties faithfully during your time as Oracle. It's rather unacceptable that they felt the need to punish you eternally like this. If only there was something that could be done…" He gave a hollow sigh of regret for his sibling.

"Um…there just might be," Regis spoke up again from the throne.

"A way to kill the Astrals?" Ardyn asked hopefully.

"Deities don't die, they just reincarnate," Regis informed and Ardyn huffed in disappointment. "However, they sometimes can be reasoned with. Have you tried diplomacy?"

The redhead blanched. "Well…I mean… _no,_ but…"

"Why not try that first then? I think you'll make more headway than trying to kill them with the powers they loaned you," Regis smiled sympathetically at him.

Ardyn had spent the last two millennia absorbing the Scourge and building his powers in preparation of an eventual fight with the Astrals for his humanity. And all of that work…just to instead have a chat with the gods? It was partially why he had also daemonified his brother, hoping their combined powers would be enough for the battle. But now his hands were tied. If he said no, Regis would surely absorb Somnus back into the Ring. His brother wouldn't be able to make it past the entrance of the Beyond, but he would be out of his reach for assistance.

With no other choice, he conceded. " _Fine_. I'll have a little tête-à-tête with the gods." He too rolled his eyes and began to head to the door.

"Wait, take this!" Noctis called, having quickly borrowed a pen and some paper from Ignis to write something down. "Here's where you can likely find them. And, um…please don't mention I helped you with this, okay? I kinda still need half of their blessings so that I can finally get my full powers."

Ardyn took it with a nod of appreciation. "Fair enough, little nephew. Until we meet again then, I bid thee adieu!" He grabbed Somnus' sleeve and both vanished on the spot with a whiff of black smoke.

No sooner had they left than the throne room was filled with the sound of more voices. Clarus Amacitia strode in furiously, followed by the rest of the Council. "Found you, your Majesty! Where have you been for the last two hours?!"

"Aw, crap, sorry Dad!" Gladio slapped a hand to his forehead. "I meant to call and tell you I'd found him!"

Clarus looked from his son back to the king. "Wait…you mean to tell me you've actually been in here the whole time?" The Shield rubbed his fingers against his temples. "Regis, I think it's past time we put a tracking device on you."

"No, you're not supposed to tell him, you're supposed to just do it!" Noctis jumped in. "Now he'll be on his guard!"

"You'll never catch me alive, suckers!" Regis cackled and with a throw of his cane, he warped through the wall.

"FIND HIM!" Screamed Clarus and everyone scrambled to track down the king.

~.~.~

The late afternoon sunlight that should've been visible was blotted out by a swirling thundercloud overhead. The canopy of trees from the forest didn't help matters either, making everything depressingly gloomy. Ardyn checked the paper again, showing it to Somnus when his brother leaned over to have a look. "Well, he did say a forest in Duscae and this is certainly a forest in the Duscae region," the elder said, folding the paper away. "He said the Fulgurian will be at a tree struck by lightning."

"How so very helpful, grandson," Somnus scoffed. "So all we have to do is find a charred tree in the middle of a forest. Yes, quite rudimentary."

Ardyn pushed his brother lightly and began to climb a nearby rocky peak. "I'm going to kick you off this expedition if you don't cease your complaining."

"Please do!" Somnus said eagerly, but still followed his brother up.

The older brother took a moment to think about that. "On second thought, maybe I'll just find a way to fuse your mouth shut. Though…I unfortunately must agree, those _were_ vague instructions," he admitted, huffing to the top of the rocks. He began to put a hand over his eyes to scan the horizon, but dropped it instantly. He could see their target.

Where everywhere else in the forest was calm, in the not-too-far distance stood a tree larger than any other. The tree was being struck by pink lightning repeatedly, a bolt slamming it every few seconds. Never did the branches catch on fire, though the bark was certainly charred. Ardyn stared at it and gulped. "Well. Doesn't get any more obvious than that."

"It's utter madness! We'll be killed!" Somnus protested as another bolt fried the tree.

Ardyn turned to him with a smile and wagged a finger. "Ah-ah, we _would've_ been killed. We're now immortal."

"Immortal doesn't mean free from pain," Somnus pointed out.

Ardyn shrugged and nodded. "That's quite true. Speaking of which, you can no longer be in sunlight."

Somnus was just about to climb back down but sharply turned to his brother. "You tell me that _now_ , in the middle of the afternoon? So I _can_ die!"

"Cloudy days don't count. And no, still no death. You have my daemonic powers so it'll smart—oh, will it smart—but you'll 'live', so to speak." Sliding down past Somnus, he turned back to impart, "I advise you to take on an outfit such as mine as soon as possible to cover any exposed skin."

Following him again, Somnus examined him from his back. Ardyn's clothes looked like nothing anyone else in the throne room had been wearing and he got the distinct impression his brother's apparel did not fit in with the times. That being said, he looked down to his own clothes, the silk blue robe and sash, the calf-high sandals not meant for their current trekking in the woods. Even if inappropriate, he did not want to forfeit them. Now stuck between life and death, they were what reminded him of his former regency and the power he once commanded over not only Lucis but the world.

They were now close enough to the tree that each bolt shook the ground. Ardyn hesitated, then looked behind him. "One of us needs to call upon Ramuh. Rock, paper, scissors?"

Another flash cracked the air. Somnus watched it fade nervously. "Isn't this your adventure? I'll accept my immortality. Certainly there's wacky hi-jinx to be had when you can't die. I've always wanted to ride a behemoth."

"Is that what it will take for you to help me?" Ardyn sighed.

"Well, that…and a few other requests…"

And so the mission was temporarily shelved. For the next few weeks, they crossed off Somnus' immortal bucket list. Ride a behemoth? Check, though he was shaken off and then trampled. Ride a coeurl? Check, though he was electrocuted violently anytime it roared. Ride a spiracorn? Check, though when walking away, his steed tried to give him an affectionate nuzzle and impaled him in the rear. This began a song that Ardyn liked to call, "Somnus Was Sodomized by a Spiracorn", though this ballad quickly came to a close when Somnus began to sing "Ardyn, the Failed Actor".

Then there was the discovery of amusement parks. Airplanes. Sky diving. Somnus didn't know what 'living' was until he was free-falling to the ground, nothing but him and the blue sky, twenty seconds of beautiful silence before splatting into the trees. Each time, Ardyn waited patiently for him to piece himself back together again, all for Somnus to pop back to his feet and declare, "I'm doing that again!" and leave to traumatize another pilot by jumping out without a parachute.

He tried sneaking into a bank vault in Lestallum but was caught and instead of using his powers to escape, he allowed himself to be handcuffed, booked (using a fake name) and put into a holding cell to await his hearing. When he told the judge he only did it for kicks and giggles and was sentenced to twenty years in prison, he lead a revolt on the judicial system from within jail for what he called an un-fair sentencing. The judge was disbarred and Somnus had a new law written in his (fake) name. The town hailed him as a hero.

At the end of the month, he made his way back to that forest in Duscae where Ardyn was waiting in a cottage he'd built. "Finally got it all out your system?"

Somnus glowed from his restored ego. "Yep!"

"Took you long enough! Let's get this over with."

Both walked to the tree but Ardyn was the one to call, "Great and mighty Ramuh! Come to me!"

A brighter flash than ever before split the earth and then a dark gray tower of clouds bowed the trees. Well over a thousand feet tall, the old man hovered in the air, his beard still long enough to scrape the ground. "I had wondered if you two were ever going to get the courage to summon me," he revealed in a low growl.

Ardyn tried not to quake; he'd hoped the Astral would take his more human-friendly appearance like when he'd been gifted as the Oracle. "Have you told the others that we've come to visit you?"

"I don't talk to them much," Ramuh waved a hand.

Well, that was a relief. "Do you know why we have appealed to you?" Ardyn called out, having to crane his head far back to see the face in the sky.

The old man actually laughed a little. "I'm going to assume you wish to be restored to your humanity? We've been waiting for you to appear to us for two-thousand years, you know."

"You have?!" Both Ardyn and Somnus shouted.

Ramuh laughed all the harder, the image out of place against his usually cold features. "Of course! While you did impersonate your brother, it's not your fault that Bahamut had the wrong person. You're just an ignorant and greedy human, you couldn't help your nature. It was only natural that you would accept those powers."

Ardyn kept to himself the fact that the Astrals' point of having an Oracle and a King was to find two honest people deserving of the powers, thus bucking the status-quo. "I was just a foolish human but I was truly honored to assist people during my time as Oracle."

"Just so you could become King, yes," said Ramuh and Ardyn's face grew as red as his hair. "But your punishment wasn't meant to last this long. We were going to give it a few months, maybe, but then you kind of…started enjoying yourself."

Ardyn had indeed crossed off an immortal bucket-list like Somnus.

"And because you were enjoying yourself, we…admittedly forgot about you," Ramuh said with sheepishness, scratching a cheek. "Every now and then, we'd discuss you but overall, you looked content and then we'd forget about you again. What is it you humans say…'my bad'?"

Ardyn was fumbling for words, equal parts elated and pissed off beyond return, and it was Somnus that managed to ask, "So, you can transform us back?"

The sky seemed to grow darker when Ramuh shook his head. "I can give you one-sixth of your humanity back," he clarified. "You'll have to appeal to the others for the rest." He lifted up his massive staff and one of the pink bolts of lightning that'd been assaulting the tree blasted into the pair.

Ardyn saw pink and white and then everything went dark.

~.~.~

He came-to with a splitting headache and slowly opened his eyes. The sky revealed night had fallen but something bright was still lingering. He sat up just as Somnus was stirring beside him.

"Being human hurts," Somnus groaned, rubbing his own head, then he too looked around. "Wait, I know where we are…"

"The Disc of Cauthuss," Ardyn whispered in awe, staring at a massive formation of glowing crystals. The myths stated this was where the Archaeon, Titan, supposedly rested. He checked Noctis' paper and saw it was what his nephew had also jotted down. "Mighty fine of Ramuh to actually bring us here."

"Yes, he told me to expect visitors," a new voice boomed, an earthquake that nearly fell the brothers. Like a moving mountain, Titan rose himself from where he'd also been laying at the bottom of the meteor impact site. He sat cross-legged, staring at the two as they held to the ground at the edge of the crater. "Sorry," he whispered this time, a deep and gravelly voice. "I forget sometimes my voice can do that. Ramuh didn't give me any details on why you would be here, but I'm all ears now."

The brothers looked over his visage, which was all rock, and traded glances. "Ahem. Right," Ardyn stepped forward. "We wish to have our humanity restored."

"Ooh, right, we didn't give that back to you, did we?" Titan slapped his forehead, causing several boulders the size of buses to crash down below him. "And you've suffered all this time…you must think we're Astral assholes!"

Ardyn had other choice words but tucked that one away for future use, if necessary.

"I'll be happy to return the portion I took, but you have to do something for me," Titan informed.

What could a god want? "I have a feeling we're not going to like this," Somnus voiced.

"As you might know…I'm the cause of the Starscourge," the Astral said in a trembling voice that pulsed the air. "But the Scourge doesn't affect me. I believe technology has advanced enough to allow the world's best scientists to study my immune system so that a cure can be found. That's my request. I want you to find a cure with my body."

Ardyn's memory vaguely remembered Bahamut telling him it was Titan that had caused the Scourge but for Somnus, this was the first time he was hearing it. "Wait, _you_ caused the Scourge? All those people died…because you you?!"

"That's incorrect," Ardyn declared.

"And how do you know?" his brother demanded, his own miasma beginning to flare out.

"Because if the Astrals really knew what caused it, they wouldn't offer a bandage solution like an Oracle," the elder replied. He put a hand on Somnus's shoulder, begging patience. "Titan didn't cause this. Plasmodia has always been in the earth of Eos. But this being said…" He turned to the Astral, who had an expression of wanting to cry if he could only produce the moisture needed. "I will still accept your offer of using your body as a possible cure. Whatever caused this, it doesn't affect you gods. If we could find out why, we might be able to finally end this."

"Sounds like the only way to do that is to make everyone a half-god," Somnus snorted.

"Then maybe that's the next evolution of the world," Ardyn conceded. Now it was Somnus' turn to be rendered speechless.

Titan lifted a mountainous hand and placed it gently on the ground. "Gently" for him still caused a 2.0 earthquake. "Place your hand on me and I will restore what I can."

Hoping his method was less painful than Ramuh's, Ardyn touched a hand to a finger and Somus did the same. A blue light, similar to the meteor shards, filtered into their bodies. Extended pain is what Ramuh's "blessing" brought them but now Ardyn could feel the faintest stirrings of his heart. His chest began to rise and fall in a way that was both foreign and natural. For the first time, Ardyn smiled honestly at an Astral. "Thank you, Archaeon. You've given two kindnesses today." Somnus bowed stiffly beside him.

"With that, I will take you to the next one you should ask," Titan offered. He flipped his hand over with the palm up. "Though be warned: he has a fiery temper."

"How original, you should certainly do stand-up," the Founder King muttered as he climbed aboard. Ardyn kicked him in the shin before settling down on the hand.

"You should still have enough daemonic powers to be alright, but this is still going to hurt," Titan said and before either could protest, he balled his fist and threwthem into the sky.


	16. What's Better Left Unsaid

**What's Better Left Unsaid**

The Archaeon was right, it _did_ hurt, but that's what happens when you're flung like a baseball at Mach speeds. The pair crashed to the ground, making their own craters and then rolling several hundreds of feet. Ardyn was sure his newly resurrected heart had exploded but as the dust settled, the poor organ pounded furiously in his chest, willing him to stay alive. Actually, it was better that he was still closer to the immortal side than mortal or else that surely would have killed him. Everything was broken and so the two were made to wait while everything fused itself back together.

In the hours it took to heal, the pair had already figured they'd been thrown to the Rock of Ravatogh, the hideout of Ifrit. The soft dirt covering the volcano had helped their fall somewhat, as much as much as it could when thrown by a titan, and it made a nice bed to get some self-induced sleep instead of being knocked out.

When morning peeked over the mountain, Ardyn flexed his muscles and was pleased he'd healed enough to move. It still hurt all over and he'd be stiff for some time, but these were welcome feelings.

Getting up, they stared at the summit, which was smoking heavily. "That looks like it's going to blow at any minute. Unfortunately, where it's hottest is likely where Ifrit is at. Let's go give him a warm welcome."

He grinned to himself when Somnus gave a sigh.

At the rim of the volcano, they stared down into the bubbling cauldron, arcs of lava billowing up like solar flares. The acrid smoke didn't make the experience any more pleasant. Turning to his brother, Ardyn informed, "Your turn to summon one."

Gritting his teeth, Somnus called, "Ifrit, I demand to have a word with you!"

A large bubble exploded before a crown of elongated horns rose from the fire. Slowly, the rest of the Infernian was revealed as he sat up, lava dripping off him with no harm to the human-like skin. In fact, the Astral reached up and ran his hands through his reddish-brown hair, working the lava in like a lather. "You better have a damn good reason for interrupting my bath," he warned.

"We want you to restore our humanity," Somnus said boldly.

Ifrit looked him over for only a second before turning to Ardyn. "I remember transforming you. Who's this guy?"

"Somnus, my little brother," Ardyn informed him. He heard Somnus again click his teeth at such a poor introduction. As a concession, he added, "He was made the Founder King of Lucis."

"Is that so?" the Pyreburner said with little care, scooping up more lava to scrub against his chest. "I seem to remember daemonifying one of you, not both. Either way, it's a no."

"And why is that?" Somnus challenged him. It was here that Ardyn could appreciate his little brother turning into a spitfire during his time as king, a vast difference from the meek farmboy he once was. And no, the pun was not lost on him.

To his question, Ifrit said, "Because, that's why."

"You can't do that!"

The Infernian chuckled. "I can. I will. And I just did. Now leave."

"Not until you restore us!" Somnus stood his ground. Dusted and bruised from the fall as he might have been, he cast an impressive image with the fire and wind blowing around him.

Ifrit grabbed a molten rock and began to exfoliate his feet. "As I said, I turned only one of you. Why isn't he the one speaking?"

Somnus turned sharply to Ardyn, ensuring he spoke for them both. The older brother began to feel the heat of his gaze and began to sweat. "Well, you see…I daemonified him and as his powers were from me, which were given by the Astrals, what cures me cures him." His little brother nodded his approval and Ardyn let out a tense breath.

"No," Ifrit said again.

"Come now, what will it take?" Ardyn asked pleasantly.

"You think you can bribe me? How _human_ of you!" The Infernian roared with disgust.

"Worked for Titan," Ardyn said, not bringing up that it was actually a favor, not a bribe.

The Astral grew quiet for a moment and the older brother tried to not smile as he saw the cogs turning. After a while, Ifrit finally said, "…Fine. But my request is you have to get me a date with Shiva."

Now it was Ardyn's turn to snort. "I wasn't aware this was Tinder."

"No more puns!" Somnus snapped at him.

"It's a service meant for match-making, little brother. Do chill."

That last part only infuriated Somnus more. While he steamed, Ardyn turned back to Ifrit.

However, the Infernian wasn't budging. "That's my request, get Shiva to say yes to a date with me."

"You're the exact opposite of each other," Somnus pointed out the obvious. "Wouldn't a relationship between you two kill each other?"

"No, we would balance each other," Ifrit said with a surprising amount of tenderness. "Complement each other. We actually dated for a little while but then…I blew it." His sad exhalation caused a small fireball.

Ardyn could see Somnus didn't care to hear any of this but he'd already hit Ifrit's weak spot. Now to finish him off. "What is it that happened?"

Ifrit gave a soulless laugh. "I tried to wipe out the humans."

Ardyn employed his best poker face. "I see."

Somnus, with little room for criticism, said nothing.

"I just wanted to teach them some respect, you know? I didn't _really_ want to kill all the humans. Maybe just a couple million. But I got into a massive fight about it, first with the others, then with Shiva. She dumped me and went to Tenebrae and swore she'd freeze my heart if I ever followed her. What she doesn't know is that she already did."

Ardyn watched him, curled up now in his lava tub and hugging his knees. It was pitiful for one that should've been as frightening as him. "Alright, Infernian. I'll do my best, but I cannot make any promises. It should be pointed out though that she'll likely say yes for our sake."

"Sounds like a win-win," Ifrit said with a little more cheer.

"But she'll resent you for twisting her arm like that."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"I guess…I should just give it back to you then?"

Ardyn nodded softly.

Another sigh. " _Alright_. Here you go." A small flame ignited Ifrit's finger and he lightly tapped this fire on the brothers' heads. Both bodies were engulfed in heatless flame that soon burned out, leaving nothing harmed.

"Now get the hell out of my house," Ifrit shooed them off.

"Wait! Can we get a lift to Accordo? Leviathan would be closest."

"And the bitchiest."

"What's that?"

"Oh, nothing. I'll blow you over to Altissia, my powers should be able to reach that far." He scooped up the pair and took in a deep breath. A fierce gust of warm air blew them away and once more, they tumbled through the air, this time over the Cygillian Sea.

~.~.~

"And even with a whole ocean around us, we still manage to crash-land onto a building," Somnus said, spitting out a mouthful of re-growing teeth. "How does that happen?"

Ardyn yanked a dislocated finger back into place to speed up the recovery time. "Count your blessings—"

"Three down, three to go—"

"That at least we didn't land on the pavement," Ardyn finished. "Yes, we _might've_ survived it, but let us not make such a grand entrance." He stood up and finished brushing the roof tiles out of his jacket. "So, where would one call forth the Tidemother?"

He scanned the city below and with its plethora of stairs, everything began to blur like an M.C. Escher print. That is, if the picture _Relativity_ had a confetti bomb dropped on it. Streamers and balloons decorated every corner and it was only now that he realized the jubilant music playing throughout the city. "Ohhh, that's right! It's time for the Choco-Mog Festival!" He smiled fondly.

Somnus looked down at the chaos below and shuddered. "Why would anyone hold a festival for those creatures? It's like people who hold birthday parties for their dog, it's just weird."

"You were picked to be king because you were nice to a dog," Ardyn reminded him, jumping down. Weaving through the crowds, he stopped at a booth selling hats and picked one up to examine it. With it held close to his mouth, he whispered, "Does the sunlight hurt you?"

"Not so much anymore," Somnus replied, picking up a hat shaped like the head of a chocobo. "I don't think I have to cover up anymore."

Finding hats to be beneath his status, Somnus had opted to use the elaborate sash that adorned his robe to cover himself during his weeks of adventure. He was quite proud of his makeshift headscarf, enjoying as others held open doors for him when he walked in stores or waiters pulled out chairs for him when he sat down to dine. For him, this was average fanfare. It was with utmost delight that Ardyn revealed to him that all of this was only because everyone thought he was a woman. There was a kneejerk reaction of reaching up to pull the scarf off, but then Somnus thought about it and left it alone. If this was what playing a woman got him, he was happy to continue the role.

Looking to the vendor, who'd begun to nervously wring his hands wondering if they were ever going to buy anything, Ardyn asked him, "We heard that the Tidemother Leviathan could be summoned here, is that correct?"

"Brother!" Somnus hissed.

But the vendor instead replied happily, "Well, the only one that can commune with Leviathan is Lady Lunafreya but she's not here for that this time. She's going to make an appearance during the parade later though. Her and Prince Noctis."

The confusion was too evident on both brothers' faces.

The stall keeper laughed. "Surely you know that the two have been sweet on each other for years! I heard they've been dating since the prince was _eight_! How's that for young love!"

"Disgusting," both siblings said.

"I think it's beautiful. Maybe once those two are joined, this damn war can finally end. Anyways, the parade is at noon if you want to see them. Now, please buy something or step aside, the line's building up."

The siblings sat the hats down and hurried away. Once they had some distance, Ardyn said, "We need to get the princess alone so she can summon Leviathan if she's the only one the serpent will listen to. I don't have Noctis' phone number but I do have Regis'. Let me give him a call."

"Do what now?"

Oh, right, Somnus wasn't familiar with phones. Pulling his out, Ardyn stated, "This allows me to communicate with people across the globe instantly by inputting a series of numbers belonging to a person. I'm going to call upon King Regis to ask for Noctis' number so the prince can lead us to the princess."

"By gods!" Somnus gasped. "And you don't need to send a messenger? I mean a human messenger, not an Astral one. Though sometimes for negotiations with Tenebrae, they did send me a white dog who could return a message in thrice the time it would take a man on chocobo."

Now Ardyn gasped. "Pryna!"

"Yes, that's her name! How did you know?"

"Lady Lunafreya still utilizes her. And Umbra, you should know."

Somnus smiled fondly as he reminisced. "Your daughter loved those dogs. She was…a quiet one after her mother's death. I suppose in her loneliness, she befriended animals instead. Oh, and…my son would marry her, though he was but twenty and she was thirty! Their eldest, a son, remained in Lucis to rule but at fifteen, their daughter returned to Tenebrae permanently to train to become the next Oracle and queen." He lifted his head from his reverie to find that Ardyn looked anything but pleased. "You shouldn't pull a face like that, Brother, one of these days, your face will get stuck."

"Your _son_ married my daughter!" Ardyn snapped at him, forgetting about the phone call he was supposed to be making. "They were cousins! _First_ cousins!"

"Yes, your point?"

Ardyn shook his head in disgust and walked away. "The fact that you don't see a problem with that explains a lot with our family. No wonder Regis is off his rocker, too much inbreeding! Be silent for a moment so I can make this phone call. I think I'm now readier than ever to end my existence."

"Drama queen much?" Somnus muttered but silenced when Ardyn held up a finger at him.

The other line rang several times before a voicemail kicked in. "You've reached the mailbox of—" and then Regis' voice said "Regis Lucis Caelum, 113th ruler to the kingdom of Lucis"—"please leave a message after the beep. Sorry, this mailbox is full and cannot take anymore messages. Goodbye!" And the call disconnected.

He shouldn't have been surprised that Regis was one of _those_ people, grandstanding voicemail, full inbox, and thus could only be reached by calling them a thousand times. And so it began. As he slowly walked around Altissa, he repeatedly called and recalled the king, searching as well for any sight of the future royal couple.

At last on the sixteenth try, Regis' phone picked up. "Who the hell is calling me this much?!"

"Regis, it's me."

"Who's 'me'?

"Ardyn! You gave me your phone number over a month ago." The redhead pinched the bridge of his nose to taper an oncoming headache.

"Ardyn? Oh, right, Ardyn! I totally forgot to assign a name to your phone number! How are you? I actually forgot all about you and your brother, if being honest. Too busy—"

"Running from the Council?"

The king giggled. "I happen to be hiding from them right now, as a matter of fact! Don't think they'll find me this time, though. I've hidden in the trunk of the Regalia in the parking garage. Quite cramped and my knee is not liking this at all, but if I can hold out for another three hours, I should be off the hook today for our military defense budget meeting…and how those funds are almost at zero."

Just another day at the Citadel. "Well, Regis, I haven't the time to chat, but I have a request I'd like to ask."

"It doesn't involve summoning the dead again, does it? Because that might be _pretty_ difficult here in the trunk…"

Somnus snorted beside him. Ardyn turned from his brother.

"I just need Noct's phone number. His cheatsheet to the Astrals provided everything but a lifeline to contact him."

"Oh! Well if that's all, that's easy. His number is exactly like mine, but dial a 4 at the end. Oh no, Clarus just entered the garage! Damn, after thirty years, he's getting too good at this! Gotta go, Ardyn, good luck!" The call ended.

Ardyn instantly dialed Noctis' number and whereas it took twenty minutes to reach the king, Noctis picked up instantly. "Hello? Who's this?"

"This is Ardyn, I got your phone number from your father."

"You mean he's answering for you but not me?! I've been trying to reach him for two hours now!"

Whoa, boy. Hating himself as the words left his mouth, Ardyn asked, "Is there something I can help with?"

"Probably not, unless you have 3000 gil to help me get my impounded Star back."

Impounded Star? Impounded…so a vehicle, Ardyn deduced. And a Star…right, the prince's twentieth birthday gift, the Star of Lucis. He sighed, his headache growing stronger. "And how did your car get impounded?"

"…Okay, so, it was totally not my fault—!"

Meaning it was.

"I was just driving along, minding my business, but this guy in this moogle costume just came out of nowhere!"

In the background, Ardyn heard Ignis speak. "If by 'nowhere', you mean walking innocently on the sidewalk…"

"Oh my Six, Ignis, I was on the sidewalk for like, half a second!" Noctis shouted at the man. To Ardyn he said, "I swear it was only a second! But clearly sideswiping guys in moogle costumes constitutes as enough to have your license revoked and your car impounded! I don't have enough money to get it back after paying that faker's hospital bills so I need dad to transfer the money to me. Unless…you could help me out?"

"Ardyn, don't!" Ignis shouted firmly. "Noct will raise the capital himself as punishment!"

"Don't listen to him, there's nothing wrong with charity! The 'Help Noctis Get His Car Back Foundation' welcomes all donations!" The prince yelled.

As the two argued back and forth, Ardyn felt his headache pound behind his eyes. "Please, little nephew, I wish not to get involved with this. All I called for was to see if you could help me with locating Princess Lunafreya. I need her to summon Leviathan for me."

"Wait, you're here in Altissa as well?"

"That I am."

The line went silent for a moment before Noctis said in an entirely different tone than before, "Could you _please_ help me get the car back? Please? And in return…I'll openly announce you as a member of the family so you get all the royal benefits."

"I don't want it if it doesn't grant me immunity from having my car impounded in a foreign country," Ardyn said cheekily. "Now, the whereabouts of the princess?"

"Are you going to help me with the car?"

"NOCT!" Ignis barked.

"Alright, fine! She's at the Arena Galviano, watching the Totomostro fights. You probably won't be able to get within fifty feet of her, though. She has her own private box but she's also still a captive of Niflheim. You're going to have to do something to get her attention and hope like hell the Nifs give her permission to speak with you. Good luck," he ended, just like his father.

Putting the phone away, he turned to Somnus but his brother was missing. He scanned the crowds until he found him, sitting at an outside café under a banner boasting the festival's host, Square Enix. His brother seemed to have ordered nearly everything on the menu as the small table was filled with numerous desserts. Ardyn sat down and, realizing he was ravenous (hunger…something that had been taken with his mortality), he grabbed the nearest slice of cake and dug in.

"I really wanted to try that black forest cake, but no, no, you go ahead and eat my food," said Somnus, reluctantly pulling closer a large slice of blueberry pie instead. "So, what did my greatest-grandson have to say?"

"I know where we can find the princess," Ardyn said, chewing a cherry from his slice. "She's at the Arena. However, Tenebrae's been taken over by Niflheim so she's a hostage. They're not going to just let us talk with her."

"I knew we couldn't trust those Nif bastards!" Somnus slammed his hand on the table, making a cobbler fall to the ground. He waited until a waiter had rushed over and cleaned it up before continuing. "Two-thousand years and they've not changed a bit, I see. So, do we go for an out-right offensive attack or shall we go for stealth? I'm not sure if the story of the Assassin is still passed down but supposedly he found it easiest to assassinate during festivals. This might be our chance to free the girl."

Ardyn jerked his head at him sharp enough to hear his bones crack. "I thought you hated the Oracles? Which also begs to question why you let your son marry my daughter, then continue the Oracles with their child."

"Oh, I do hate them, but Eos has no other families of royalty. And I wasn't going to let my son marry a _commoner_ , nor would I kill my direct granddaughter. Just…any Oracle after that. Oh, and Aera. And as I've said, I've never been big on the idea of captivity. You either kill someone, or you don't, taking a hostage is quite cowardly."

There were too many things Ardyn wanted to unpack with that but didn't want to waste the energy. As a response, he said, "Either way, an attack of any kind would be inadvisable. She has an older brother who's also a hostage. They don't need him as much as her, so if we help her escape, they'll slay him. However…you mentioned the stealth of the Assassin. Hmm…" He tilted back in thought, pulling a knotted cherry stem from his mouth. A sly grin slowly crossed his face. "I think I've got an idea."


	17. Immemorial

This chapter will test your memory as I did a few call-backs to earlier chapters. Additionally…this will be the true final chapter of this full story.

* * *

 **Immemorial**

Ardyn went alone into the Arena, which was thunderously loud and packed to the gills. Thousands of people cheered on the beasts fighting in the ring, which currently held a quintet of brightly-colored chocobos versus a single coeurl. He sighed in pity as the cat electrocuted one of the birds and it squawked loudly in pain.

Climbing the stairs into the stands, he scanned the various sections carefully. Noctis said she had a private box, but as a captive, she would still have guards around her, likely armed. They wouldn't want to display the weapons too openly or else the mood of the festival would be ruined, so they would likely tuck her near the top. He made his way further up before turning onto a cleared walkway.

He found her not by sight but by sound. Sitting several rows higher in a spot that gave her a center-view of the ring, she sat with a dark-haired woman on her left and the first secretary of Accordo on her right, Camelia Claustra. Neither woman looked very comfortable next to the princess but that could've had something to do with the fact that Princess Lunafreya was screaming rather harshly down at the arena.

"Come on, Clucky, I bet 5000 gil on you! If you lose, I'm renaming you Dinner and feeding you to the dogs!" She yelled, waving the printout of her bet in her hand. "Peck that cat's eyes out already!" Those around her stared in shock at the princess but she didn't notice them, eyes burning with determination to see her bird win.

Ardyn heard her and sighed; the girl's captivity must've been taking its toll. He wondered how he was going to get her attention when something small caught his eye. Walking up the steps to the private booth was Umbra. He and the dog locked eyes and the canine growled slightly.

"Still upset that I was ever Oracle, are you?" he chuckled, not threatened by the messenger. "Come now, it all worked itself out in the end." Well, if he thought that was true, he wouldn't have waited two-millennia to summon his brother to originally kill the Astrals but the dog needn't know all of that.

From his pocket, he pulled out a sealed pouch and held out a piece of meat, saved from when he and his brother would camp at havens. Umbra didn't even twitch his nose in curiosity. "My, you're a smart one, aren't you! Alright then, I won't treat you as a normal dog. How about this: I actually have a favor that'll help you get rid of me."

The dog cocked its head.

"Take this note," Ardyn instructed, holding out an inconspicuously balled up piece of paper, "And give it to the princess. I need you to then draw the guard's attention for a few seconds so she can read it. Please, Umbra."

The dog sat still for a lengthy second before finally lowering the tense stance. Umbra moved forward cautiously and allowed him to put the paper into the collar before backing away, two sets of golden eyes lingering on each other. At last, the dog went up the steps and Ardyn turned to face forward, hiding his victorious smile.

Lunafreya was screaming more threats at the chocobo "Clucky" when she noticed the dog. At first, her heart leaped in hope that Noctis had finally written back; he'd had the notebook for two weeks! But instead, her eyes fell to the small piece of paper sticking out the collar. She snatched it and the instant she did, the dog turned to the ring and began to suddenly bark and howl, effectively making everyone's attention turn to him. Bending forward and pretending to adjust her shoes, Luna quickly read the message.

"Princess, I have urgent need of your assistance. If you can manage it, please excuse yourself to the restrooms near section B."

She shredded the paper before sitting back up and kicked the pieces under her seat. Without turning her head, she scanned for whoever had sent the note. Her eyes landed on a bizarrely-dressed redheaded man three rows down who hadn't been there a moment ago. As though feeling her gaze, the man turned just enough to see her out the corner of his eye and winked. Then, he got up and strode off.

She gave him a full two minute head-start before also standing up. "I need to use the lavatory. Gentiana, would you please follow me in?"

The Messenger stood up, all too happy to get away from the fighting below, especially as Clucky wasn't doing so well.

A single guard followed the pair and Luna's mind raced quickly. Section B was on the other side of the arena from her seat. Hoping on the Astrals it worked, she stated, "I heard a passerby state that the lavatories in Section B are so far the cleanest. That side has less people than ours, so I'd prefer to go over there." Section B was actually just as crowded as hers but the guard said nothing, opening his mouth only to yawn. Sometimes she wondered if they were tired of babysitting her.

Reaching the bathroom, she and Gentiana slipped inside. No one was in the immediate space and so she slowly walked along the stalls, looking under the doors at the feet. No one was in any of them…except the last one. "H-hello? Did someone…request my presence?"

The stall door opened a sliver and a blue eye peeked out. Confirming it was the princess, the door opened all the way and out stepped Somnus. The sash was back around his head, this time tied in such a way as to also obscure most of his face. Pulling the makeshift scarf down, he introduced himself. "Somnus Lucis Caelum, and yes, I did request your presence."

"Caelum?" Luna said dubiously, stepping back. "Imposter!" But those blue eyes…that dark hair…he looked so much like Noctis. Still, that alone didn't mean anything.

Except Gentiana also gasped, her closed eyes never opening. "My Lady…that is most certainly Somnus Caelum! I was there the day he was made king!" She pointed a shaking finger at him. "How do you live? I witnessed your funeral!"

"No need to be morbid," The late-king grimaced. "I'll explain this once so listen closely." He told the whole tale, the details of Ardyn impersonating him, his own crowning, his revival two-thousand years later all to be daemonified, and that he'd gathered three of the needed blessings to return to the afterlife. He carefully sidestepped his ideals on the Oracles' eradication. Finishing up, he asked to Gentiana, "My memory isn't as young as it used to be so remind me again, which Astral are you?"

"Shiva of Ice."

"Oh, perfect! Hey, Ifrit said he wants to get back together with you," he said excitedly.

Her face soured and she furiously shook her head no. "Not in this lifetime or the next! He cheated on me!"

Somnus quirked an interested eyebrow. "Oh? He told us that you two broke up when he tried to kill the humans."

Gentiana let out a derisive laugh. "If only!"

"Hey!" Luna rebuked.

The Messenger composed herself. "Did he also tell you about his philandering? A human here, an animal there—"

"ANIMALS?!" Both the Princess and King shouted.

"Oh yes! All up until he fathered a child with a Zu! The poor child isn't human enough to fit in with mortals, wild enough to associate with animals, or immortal enough to be counted amongst the Astrals. She doesn't fit in anywhere. I decided then that I could never be with someone that reckless. So, you can tell the Infernian that he can take his empty promises and blow them out his—"

Just then, the bathroom door opened and in slipped Ardyn. "Oh please, don't let me interrupt you! Tell Ifrit to blow it out his…what?"

Gentiana blushed furiously and didn't answer. Instead, Luna asked, "And who are you?"

Pulling his own scarf from around his face, though it barely disguised him as well as his sibling, he announced, "Ardyn Lucis Caelum, the original Oracle."

For the first time, this news did not illicit a negative reaction. Instead, he was nearly floored when the princess gave him a deep bow. "I thank you for your service to Eos."

The wonders a 'thank you' could do. Ardyn felt his whole body go warm with a feeling he couldn't put a name to. "My pleasure," he said thickly.

"We should get this done soon, Brother," Somnus interjected. "The guards must be getting curious by now."

"Indeed we should, though I bought us a little time by paying a woman to chat up the guard for a while," Ardyn replied. "Ideally, I'd rather we did this elsewhere but looks like we have no other choice. My Lady, I ask that you summon Leviathan for us."

Luna looked around at the bathroom. "You want me to summon her…here? She needs to be called upon at a body of water."

Ardyn looked behind her at the stall.

She glanced back, then shook her head in horror. " _No._ Absolutely not! You want me to summon her in the loo?!"

"It's the best we can do under the circumstances," he shrugged.

Here, even Gentiana stepped in. "Have you _met_ Leviathan? Oh wait. You have. Then need I remind you that she has a temper even more fiery than Ifrit's? This is not how you get her blessing, more like a curse!"

But Ardyn was undaunted. "I'm not leaving this bathroom until I have _two_ blessings," he said, staring emphatically at her.

The dark-haired woman tilted her chin, her closed-eyes still burning through him. "I shall reserve returning you back to human until Leviathan has given her portion first. Should she strike, you'll need all the immortality you have left."

Luna stared around at the group and realizing there was no way out of this, she summoned her trident. Stepping into the largest of the stalls, she banged it once on the tile, a pulse brushing the ground. Working to control her trepidation, she called out, "Oh Tidemother, Leviathan, come forth! I command thee before me!"

There was a rumble in the walls as the pipes shook. Everyone grabbed hold of what they could as the shaking grew stronger and Luna shrieked when the toilet seat was blown off by a geyser. Water flooded everywhere but there, rising as high as the room would allow, was a portion of Leviathan. It was less than even a quarter and still she filled the entire stall. "It's not yet time to summon me again, human," the serpent instantly hissed, giving a flap of her fins that ensured everyone was soaked.

"I…I need you for a blessing," Luna informed, grateful for the support of the trident. Leviathan was intimidating even in the vast ocean and it was that much more frightening to have her this close.

The Astral made a sound like clicking teeth and stared around at the group. Her eyes lit with recognition at Somnus and Ardyn. "And what idiocy have you two cooked up this time?"

Somnus stepped forward before Ardyn could stop him. "The only fool is that of my brother. _I_ have done nothing wrong!"

"Humans are idiots thus you both are idiots," Leviathan simplified.

"And see, that's where you're only partially right," Ardyn cut in. "We're here because we'd like to return back to being human idiots. You Astrals played a cruel trick by daemonifying me and never turning me back."

Leviathan gave a harsh laugh that sounded like a whale. "Oh, that was quite hilarious! How you drank and drank your human liquor for days to drown your sorrows!"

Ardyn stared at her coldly. "Thank you, next time I want jokes about my depression, I'll know who to go to."

"You're welcome," she replied.

" _Please_ can we stay on task?" said Luna. "Tidemother, we ask you to give your blessing to Ardyn and Somnus so that they may return back to being human."

Leviathan looked again at Somnus. "Aren't you already human? For that matter, why are you still alive?"

Somnus looked to Ardyn, who didn't look the least bit abashed for his actions. "It's complicated," he summarized.

The Astral gave a wet snort, then looked to Gentiana. "And have you given them yours, Shiva?"

"I…"Gentiana said hesitantly, backing up to the wall. "I decided to wait to get your opinion on the matter," she tried for flattery.

"You're a damn liar but I'll accept it anyways," the serpent replied. Back to Ardyn and Somnus she said, "I'll restore you to your humanity but for having been summoned much too early, you'll need to do something for me in return."

The brothers sighed. "But of course," they said together.

"I wish…" Leviathan began, but then faltered off. The note of nervousness wasn't missed.

"You wish…?" Somnus pressed with a grin.

"N-nevermind! This isn't a matter for stupid humans!" She retorted, becoming even more flustered.

"Oooh?" Ardyn said silkily, sloshing forward in the water. "You sure you don't want to ask that favor? Looks like there's something you _really_ want."

"Absolutely not! I-I have everything!" Leviathan roared. "I don't need two pipsqueak humans to help me find a new husband!"

The bathroom fell silent.

"Wow," Somnus finally spoke.

"Yikes…" Ardyn flinched.

"Poor Leviathan," Luna sympathized.

"It's your fault for running him off," Gentiana muttered.

"Care to say that a little louder, ice witch?" said the water snake. "For your information, I didn't run my husband off! He was captured."

Forgetting her earlier trepidation, Gentiana gave an exasperated sigh. "And what net is large enough to capture him? He was a dragon at least half your size!"

"He wasn't captured by a net! It was a ball! Some type of spherical device that just…sucked him in!" She pressed on as the room fell into hysterics. "It was a little boy who did it! He was about to do the same to me but I blew him away on a water spout. If I hadn't…the Six of us would've become the Five."

For the first time, Leviathan actually sounded shaken, causing the other's giggles to lessen. "That boy…he had a belt adorned with those spheres. Who knows how many creatures he's captured? I cannot address him to get my husband back for fear that I too will become another one of his trophies. And so…I feel it is at last time that I finally move on."

A somber silence befell the room.

…Until Gentiana broke it. "Bitch, that was two days ago."

"My husband is gone forever, I tell you! But a woman can't mope forever. I'm in the spring of my youth—"

This time, Luna doubled over laughing.

" _And_ , if you'll excuse me, I would like to find another husband!" Leviathan finished, drawing herself up, though this only caused her to hit her head on the ceiling.

It took several minutes before any control could be restored. Fanning himself with his hat to cool down after laughing so hard, Ardyn stated, "If I'd known you'd be so entertaining, I would've asked for your blessing first! My dear, _you_ are a riot! But if we can manage to find you a new husband, you swear you'll return our mortality?"

Pursing her lips, Leviathan gave a stiff nod.

"Alright, then I do believe I have a husband for you," he announced to the surprise of everyone.

"I highly doubt that," the Astral instantly scorned him.

"Oh no, I assure you, he would be most interested in having your company. He too is a long-lived and lonely soul, you see," Ardyn said earnestly. "The only caveat is that he's not currently near a body of water."

Leviathan rose to the challenge. "So long as water runs underground, I can go to him. Tell me, where can I find the one that you speak of?"

Ardyn wrote down the location on a piece of paper and stuck it to one of her sticky fins.

She read the location and sighed. "That far?"

"Sometimes you have to travel across the world to find love," he said sagaciously.

She let out a slow breath of mist. "I believe you're right, human." Caught up in the moment of sentimentality, she raised a separate fin and flung it out in a great gush of water. When it made contact with Ardyn and Somnus, their bodies glowed briefly, her blessing given.

Gentiana reached out her hands and touched each of their shoulders, a sprinkling of snow falling upon them. "Now you have five."

"And with that being done, get out of my sight," Leviathan said, trying to gain her dignity back. "And if you tell anyone about this, I will…hm? Wait just a moment…where are we? Is this…? Ohhh…all of you are _dead!_ DID YOU SUMMON ME IN A DAMN _TOILET_?!"

"We're so sorry, Leviathan!" Luna cried out and was the first to bolt for the door. None of them made it before Leviathan let out a howl of rage made physical by a tsunami of water. The force of it knocked the door off its hinges, throwing all of them back into the hallway of the Arena.

Ardyn and Somnus scrambled up, slipping as they worked furiously to retie scarves around their faces. Luckily for them, the guard was more preoccupied with the washed-up princess.

"You were in there forever, what the hell?" he demanded, jerked her to her feet. He looked at the chaos of the bathroom, then looked Luna up and down. "Just what did you do?"

She shrugged. "I suppose the lavatory wasn't as clean as the rumors said," was her only response as she led them back to their seats.

~.~.~

Meanwhile, across the globe…

Leviathan had dug deep underground to find the best waterways and made an instant beeline to the destination Ardyn had specified. She was still furious but if the mainly-mortal man was telling the truth, maybe she'd have something to take her mind off her humiliation. Closer to where the instructions had specified, most of the water had dried up and she worried she'd become severely dehydrated. It was how the last Leviathan had died; she refused to meet such an unseemly death.

Push came to shove, she could coat herself with a translucent slime that would keep her hydrated for up to two hours but that was for emergencies only. Did this constitute as one?

In the name of love, yes. Yes it did.

Covering herself only as much as necessary to avoid looking a disgusting mess for her new beau, she surfaced out of the ground.

A field of dust stretched as far as the horizon. Scraggly bushes cried out for water and she could spot at least two withered animal carcasses baking in the sun. The sandy winds stung her eyes and Leviathan could feel her rage beginning to surge again. That damn human had led her into a death trap! She was getting ready to plunge back into the ground and head back to Altissia when she felt the ground give a faint rise and fall. Humans likely wouldn't feel it but with her body still partially under the earth, she did.

There was nothing around that could've caused it…except the massive mountain right in front of her, the only landmark in the wasteland. She checked the paper again, still stuck to her fin. This is where it said she needed to be. No, this couldn't be right…

And then the ground rose and fell again, a feeling not unlike a wave pool. It felt like _breathing_. She stared up and up at the massive wall of stone, craning further and further back until her eyes adjusted and she realized she was actually looking at a sleeping beast.

It was an adamantoise. That damn human was actually trying to hook her up with a turtle! Not only was it the wrong species, it was ten times her size. She looked with disgust at the massive mountain on its back, a mountain that would make travel nearly impossible. With a stone shell, no wonder it chose to be far away from water, where ocean sprays would erode the rock.

That was _it,_ once that immortal was made mortal again, she was going to kill him! "Just what the hell am I supposed to do with this?!" She shrieked. The sleeping adamantoise didn't even stir.

So this was a bust. So much for husband number two. That meant it was back to number one, which meant hunting down that little boy and likely killing him. Her husband might've been an oaf who's only words were his own name, but at least he didn't have a mountain strapped to his back. Sometimes you had to make do with what you had.

She dived again into the ground and swam back out into the open sea.

~.~.~

Staying to see the parade would've been delightful but the double-dose of restored humanity made Ardyn too tired after the long day. He and Somnus stayed at the Leville Hotel that night and the next morning, caught a ferry back to Lucis.

The final blessing left was that of Bahamut's. The dragon rested within the Crystal, and when Somnus asked on the boat why they didn't just start with him, Ardyn had the pleasure of informing him that Bahamut didn't like to easily admit to his mistakes. However, Ardyn hoped that once the Astral was faced with the proof of the other five blessings, he would humbly relinquish his final piece.

Actually, he knew it wasn't going to be that easy but one could dream.

Inside the Citadel, they made their way back to the throne room, which this time only contained Regis…and Noctis?

"Back before us? My, you're swift," Ardyn commented.

Noctis only glared at him. "Yeah, no thanks to you and Dad! Our lawyer, Cor, finally transferred me the money to get the car back. I did the parade and caught the over-night ferry home."

"I see. And you didn't want to…spend the evening with your princess?" Ardyn said delicately.

Caught off guard, Noctis blushed. "She was taken back to Tenebrae after the parade. And besides, I'm abstinent," he informed.

Regis snorted. "Liar!"

His son flushed all the more. "Well, I am because Luna is, so…that's why."

"I'm so sorry," Regis, Somnus and Ardyn said together.

The prince sighed. "Yeah. Me too."

Pressing on, the redhead clapped his hands together suddenly. "Well, Somnus and I have done it! We've gathered the blessings of five of the Astrals. By the way, Titan asks if you could study him to help find a cure for the Starscourge. No telling if what keeps them immune can work for humans but it's a start." He fell silent for a moment and looked around the room. "Also, if everything goes well…we won't be stepping out of the Crystal."

Regis clipped forward with his cane, wincing as he walked. Looked like the hiding in the Regalia had caught up with him. "Are you two sure that's what you want? We can keep your existence a secret and we could have you back every, er, few generations or so. Gotta make sure the staff doesn't see your eternal youth," he winked. "I also have so many questions about the past! Like the rumors of a play being found in Tenebrae, was that you?"

Ardyn nodded. "Indeed, it's the play that you know as LOVELESS."

"That's been around since _my_ time," Somnus said in surprise. "The story of three friends, one who became a hero, the other a prisoner, and the third who flew away. I had the original actors perform it at the palace. It's…my favorite. That was actually written by you, brother?"

The older brother nodded and looked away, blinking quickly. He'd started out by performing plays for his sibling and to have one of them become his brother's favorite, without knowing it was written by him…what more could he have asked for? Between this news and that of finding out he'd had a daughter, whose lineage still ran strong…this was his immortality. He needn't walk this earth any longer.

He drew his family to him, ignoring as Noctis and Somnus squirmed from embarrassment. Regis happily wrapped his arms around the group, working with Ardyn to hug them tight. "I want you to know that this past month has been the best time of my entire existence. Thank you for making this two-thousand year wait worth it."

The prince sniffled. "Gonna miss you, Uncle Ardyn…and Grandpa Somnus. Even though you might be a psychopath."

Somnus gave a chuckle, relenting as he pulled the other two closer. "Maybe I am. And I'll miss you too…my grandsons."

Regis added, "You're part of the Old Wall, Somnus, so this isn't completely goodbye. Ardyn, any chance of you joining?"

The old-young man shook his head. "I daresay not. I'm a poet, not a fighter. I'll ask that you please continue to defend this country in my stead."

The King bowed his head, giving his promise.

Breaking away and with all wiping their eyes, the two brothers climbed the stairs of the throne to approach the Crystal. Ardyn took one last look back at his remaining family and with a lop-sided grin, he swept his hat off to give a bow. "Au revoir!"

The pair entered the Crystal together but Ardyn would never be seen again.

~.~.~

"I would've given it to you without you attacking me!" Shouted Bahamut in the blue void of the gem. "It's not my fault those other five forgot to remind me!"

"You're the leader, it's _your_ job to remember!" Chastised Ardyn, vanishing his red armiger. Beside him, Somnus also dissolved his weapons, both of them panting hard. Contrary to the Astral's words, he'd played dumb when requested of the final piece. Ardyn had given him to the count of three to relinquish it and when the Astral had still maintained his innocence, the two decided to unleash the powers that'd been stockpiling for two millennia. Bahamut had put up a hell of a fight but at last, the brothers were victorious.

"I don't know why you're so eager to die anyways," the dragon huffed, holding a clawed hand over them. "I thought humans always wanted to be immortal?"

Somnus gave a shudder. "It's creepy stalking your grandkids like that. Could you imagine the Bahamut before you always looking over your shoulder, never going away? For _thousands_ of years?"

The Astral fell silent for a moment. "I actually had never thought of it that way. You are absolutely right, that _is_ horrifying. Alright then, off you two go! And behave in the Beyond! Don't make me come in there!"

To which Ardyn surprised him by responding, "Wouldn't mind the company."

Bahamut smiled at them endearingly as he released a large orb of soft blue light. "I don't think I would either."

The orb lit Ardyn first and then Somnus. The daemonic energy that had sustained them evaporated away as a dark cloud, freeing them. Ardyn held a hand to his chest as he felt his heart beat truly in earnest just once before finally stopping forever. "Thank you," he whispered, encompassing everyone and everything.

Upon the fading of the light, the brothers disappeared.

* * *

And that at last finishes this story. I had thought I had wanted to quit some chapters back but I'm happy I pressed on as this feels like a much better conclusion.

Thank you to everyone for your support!

P.S. 'LOVELESS' is a fictional poem from Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, which was loved by Genesis of the game. This poem does become a play in the entirety of the FF7 world, but its author is unknown and the final chapter was never found. I'd like to think it was written by Ardyn :)


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